As most people are probably aware by now, the debate over reasonable and rational gun regulations has, once again, become a top story all across the country. This means I’ve spent the better part of my week doing something I know is totally and completely worthless: Trying to reason with gun fanatics.
Normally I’m good about walking away from debates by following my simple rule of not trying to reason with those who are unreasonable. However, when it comes to the topic of gun regulations — I’m weak. The overwhelming ignorance of many gun fanatics always draws me in to mind-numbing debates with people who really don’t believe guns have anything to do with gun violence.
Well, in the spirit of trying to reason with the unreasonable, I thought I’d list 10 things that would be more productive for all of us to do than trying to reason with gun fanatics. (It should go without saying, but please don’t try any of the following at home. I’m just making the point that these would indeed be more productive than trying to reason with gun fanatics.)
1. Try to explain quantum mechanics and astrophysics to a toddler.
2. Attempt to carry on an in-depth conversation about climate change with a panda bear by speaking Chinese.
3. Put on a pair of roller skates, find the steepest hill in all of San Fransisco, then attempt to run up it — backwards.
4. Meet with the CEOs of Exxon, Shell, Chevron, Conoco and Valero and attempt to successfully convince them that free, green energy is better than the fossil fuels that they use to make tens of billions of dollars every single year.
5. Walk up to a starving 600 pound grizzly bear after just rubbing salmon all over your body, then see if you can survive your encounter by attempting to beat it in a foot race.
6. Travel to the Middle East, track down the leader of ISIS, then successfully convert him to Judaism.
7. Attempt to become an extremely successful adult dancer/stripper (male or female) by remaining fully clothed from head to toe, while reading War & Peace on stage every night — in your best Fran Drescher voice.
8. Juggle live hand grenades while blind-folded on a merry-go-round in hurricane force winds without any training.
9. Try to capture a great white shark using only your bare hands.
10. Equipped with only an ordinary garden shovel, try to remove all the water from a 10-foot deep hole during a heavy thunderstorm.
Well, there you have them — 10 things that I believe are more productive than trying to reason with a gun fanatic. In all honesty, the three craziest (and most idiotic) things I hear anyone say on any topic are:
- Guns have nothing to do with gun violence.
- The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun.
- A gun is no more dangerous than a spoon.
Yet, all of those are exactly what the vast majority of gun fanatics believe.