10 Easy Ways For Republicans To Solve Most Of Their Problems

obama-thumbs-upI often like to be generous, even toward my conservative opposition.  Why always battle when I can help?  So that’s what I’ve decided I’m going to do with this article.

See, many times I run across conservatives who are just angry.  I mean, geez, these people can get down right nasty.  They’ll air their grievances, rant about the atrocities they claim liberals wish to force upon them and preach about how their “way of life” is constantly under threat.

So I decided with this piece I would take a different approach to interacting with conservatives.  I’m going to help them.  Many of their biggest grievances I see them talk about have very simple answers.  They just seem unaware of them.  So why not help, right?

A “people helping people” kind of thing.

So here are ten issues I see Republicans freak out about the most and simple solutions they should follow to avoid some of their hostility.

1) Gay Marriage: This one’s real simple – if you don’t support gay marriage, don’t marry a homosexual.

2) Abortion: If you don’t agree with abortion, much like with gay marriage, then don’t have one.

3) Socialism: At any time feel free to stop using public roads, public highways and public schools.  Also, millions of you should stop utilizing programs like Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security.  While you’re at it, end your support for our military (their pay and benefits included) while refusing services from the fire department and any law enforcement.  Heck, you might as well stop eating that safe food, stop enjoying that public sewage and deny your home access to safe public drinking water (West Virginia conservatives already have this one covered).  If the tens of millions of conservatives in this country would do these things, imagine how much less socialism we’d have?

4) Birth Control: If you don’t like birth control, or don’t support it, I have great news for all of you – you don’t have to use it.

5) Guns: Guess what?  More good news!  Even if we expand background checks for everyone, and limit magazine capacity, you’ll still be able to own every single gun that you have now.  And you’ll still be able to purchase all of the same guns you could before.  Isn’t that awesome?

6) Taxes: More good news here, too.  Taxes remain at some of their lowest levels in United States history.  The rich are richer than they’ve ever been before.  All we need now is for that “trickle-down” economics to start working.  Been about 33 years now.  I guess it’s a slow trickle.

7) Religious Freedom: The good news just keeps coming!  With a seemingly endless selection of churches, and a First Amendment that prohibits the government from making laws establishing any particular religion, you’re free to privately practice whatever religion you like.  Not only that, but you can privately spend as much time as you’d like in whatever church you wish to attend.  Well, as long as they’re open of course.  But when you’re home it can be a non-stop religious party all the time.  Talk about religious freedom!

8) Women’s Rights: Whatever rights you give to men, give to women – including having control over their own bodies.  Yes, it’s that simple!

9) LGBT Rights: Much like #8.  Whatever rights you give to heterosexuals – give to homosexuals.

10) Small Government: Just imagine how small our government will be once it stops denying rights to homosexuals, stops preventing same-sex marriages and allows women to have complete control over their own bodies.  That’s a heck of a reduction in government regulation.

Well, there you go Republicans.  Some extremely easy explanations and solutions to many of your biggest complaints.  I’m not sure why this stuff never occurred to you folks before, but I’m guessing Fox News has something to do with it.

I sincerely hope this helped!

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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