The 2012 GOP primary was so amazing that I can only imagine how great 2016 is going to be. Because if you thought the crazy was strong back then, you haven’t seen anything yet.
In 2012, the tea party wasn’t quite ready for primetime on a national scale. Granted it was close, but they just couldn’t get Rick Santorum to be their candidate. Which is how Republicans ended up with Mitt Romney. He was essentially the “least crazy/most electable” of the field.
Which tells you just how ridiculous these candidates were.
But in 2016, I fully expect the tea party crazy to be taken to a whole new level.
So here’s my list of the ten Republican candidates I really hope run in 2016.
10) Paul Ryan: It’s interesting how he seems to be forgotten even though he’s easily one of the biggest hypocrites and scumbags in the Republican party. And while he’s not exactly the most flamboyant or exciting candidate, he’s a great face for what the Republican party really wants to do to this country. And by that I mean sell this nation to the highest corporate bidder.
9) Mitt Romney: How could you not want Mitt “The Gaffe Machine” Romney to run again? During the 2012 election I joked that President Obama didn’t even need to have campaign ads, all he had to do was replay Mitt Romney speeches. Romney’s own words were far better than any creative campaign ad the Obama campaign could have come up with.
8) Bobby Jindal: Once famously told Republicans that they had to stop being the “stupid party.” But since those comments has proven himself to be a complete idiot. While he’d stand absolutely no chance at even being competitive, I think it would be really interesting to see his particular brand of crazy displayed on a national stage.
7) Chris Christie: He’s not exactly a “tea party” Republican, but he’ll have to pander to them if he wants to win his party’s nomination. So I would love to see the often loud and outspoken Christie pander to the tea party, while also being bashed by true tea party Republican candidates for not being a “real conservative.” While I’m definitely no fan of Christie, I would love to see him rip into some of these other candidates who are much more radical and delusional than your typical Republican.
6) Mike Huckabee: Once upon a time I actually liked Huckabee. Granted I didn’t know a great deal about him, but he seemed to be an alright guy in the interviews and comments I had seen him make. Wow, how that’s changed. Huckabee has fully embraced tea party insanity and has turned into one of the more fringe conservatives currently in the media. My desire to see him run is primarily based on seeing what other kind of asinine comments he can make during his campaign.
5) Rick Perry: While there might be crazier Republicans, I’m not sure if there are any others as delusional as Perry. He seems completely unaware that the vast majority of the country, and even most people within his own state, view him as an idiot. When people within your own state don’t even want you to be president, that should tell you something. Though watching him stumble through GOP debates would be pure comic gold – again.
4) Rand Paul: Welcome to George W. Bush 2.0. By that I don’t mean by their policies, but for the fact that their success in politics is basically based on who their fathers are. I would enjoy seeing Paul try to pander to his father’s “Paulbot” followers while trying to still seem mainstream and credible.
3) Ted Cruz: Or as I like to call him, the best job security a fact checker has ever had. Cruz seems to base his entire political ideology based on pandering to whatever he thinks the tea party voters want him to say. This is the guy who led the push for the government shutdown, only to later deny that he wanted to shut the government down. He literally seems to live in some kind of reality that only exists in his own mind.
2) Michele Bachmann: Here’s another person who offers plenty of job security to fact checkers. While Perry might be the most delusional Republican, Bachmann is easily the most ridiculous. She’s gotten so bad I don’t even think many Republicans take her seriously anymore. Heck, even Fox News recently called her out for her hypocritical nonsense.
1) Sarah Palin: Please, please, please…please let her run for president in 2016. As a commentator offering my opinion on politics, “presidential candidate Sarah Palin” would be just short of winning the lottery. It wouldn’t even take a whole lot of talent to cover her campaign. Heck, just quoting her verbatim any time she opens her mouth would be political and comedy gold. Almost everything out of Palin’s mouth is such preposterous garbage that seeing her run for president would be some of the best (albeit frustrating) entertainment in politics we might ever witness.
Now I’m not saying I want to see any of these people actually get elected, but these are just the clowns I want to see perform in the circus known as the 2016 GOP presidential primary.
And while it’s going to be fairly difficult to top some of the disgusting and outrageous things that were said and done during the last time Republicans selected a presidential candidate, I have faith that with a line up like this, 2016 will make 2012 seem tame by comparison.
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