A Very Important Notice as to how Gay Marriage affects your Heterosexual Marriage

holding-handsWith the Supreme Court striking down Prop 8 and the “Defense of Marriage Act,” I feel it is necessary to inform you as to how these and future rulings will have an affect on you and your heterosexual marriage. What I am going to tell you is very important and you should heed these words carefully.

Actually, unless your name is Michele Bachmann or another crazed religious right whackjob that somehow managed to rope a closeted, self-loathing gay person into a loveless marriage, it will have zero impact on your relationship. Zero. Nil. Nada. Zilch.

Let’s face it — unless you’re a member of the most radical right-wing faction who wants to impose a Christian version of the Taliban’s theocracy on everyone else, my cousin Adam’s marriage to his lifelong partner Steve should not be any threat to you. Yes, I do have a cousin named Adam and he is married to a delightful, caring guy named Steve. Our family is well aware of the cliché, and the liberal ones think it is awesome and hilarious at the same time.

For the conservative and “libertarian” people who complain about “government overreach and intrusion,” if you can’t get behind the movement for equal rights, you may not necessarily be a bigot but you are most certainly a hypocrite. You can’t kvetch about the government taking away your Constitutional rights if you support discrimination and laws legislating what consenting adults can or can not do in their bedrooms or on the “free market.” Look, you don’t have to like it if that isn’t your thing and nobody is saying that you should have to march in a Pride parade. I’m pretty sure they’ll be OK with you just staying home and minding your own business.

America is moving forward, with or without you. Nobody is saying you have to get on the right side of history, but like those who opposed integration 50 years ago, you have to decide how you want your grandchildren to judge you a few decades from now. There is no “slippery slope,” as some like Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee have tried to suggest in the past week. Rand Paul absurdly suggested, “Does it have to be humans?” Of course it does, idiot. Then we have Huckabee most recently suggesting, “If we’re determined to change the definition of marriage… because of their mutual consent, then we should immediately release those incarcerated for practicing polygamy or bigamy.”

What is it about two loving, consenting adult human beings that these people just don’t understand?

As Bill Maher has said, “Gay marriage won’t lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn’t lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the Equal Protection Clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night it’s the same sex.”

Maybe it’s time these people stop worrying so much about gay and lesbian couples getting married, and start worrying more about why they harbor such hatred for those who have done them no harm.

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  • lessthantolerant

    It doesn’t affect my marriage at all, but it does turn my stomach. These poor sick people need help not empowered to commit suicide.

    • Dave

      Coming from someone with a username of “lessthantolerant,” it doesn’t surprise me it turns your stomach. Why are you concerned with what people do in their own bedrooms? I’m pretty sure worrying what strangers do with their genitalia makes you a pervert.

      • lessthantolerant

        oh so mature, silly liberal make stupid pin.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        trollin, trollin, trollin…keeps the bs flowin!

      • lessthantolerant

        blah, blah, blah

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Appropriate troll response

      • lessthantolerant

        Please try to be more challenging.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Here’s a challenge: DON’T REPLY!

      • lessthantolerant

        Too much fun watching you whimper and whine

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Fail!

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        You make no sense and prove everyone’s points.

      • lessthantolerant

        puns are beyond your scope of comprehension?

      • Blutoe

        Why would anyone give a rats ass if it turns your stomach or not. Bottom line it is none of you damn business who marries whom. Don’t you have something worthwhile to worry about?

      • lessthantolerant

        Cornel West: Blacks ‘Being Pushed to the Back of the Bus’ in Favor of Gays and Lesbians

        Here is one of the darkies who get it, blacks as a voting block don’t matter, they are finally confined to the plantation, now its time to wrangle these poor sick mind infected deviates.

        While I agree it is none of my business what perverts do to each other in the privacy of their own him home or cage, it is my business when I have to be subjected to seeing these sick bastards display their illness daily and we human have to pay for the diseases caused by their excesses.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        So you’re diseased now too?? The confessions just keep coming!

      • lessthantolerant

        Please speak nicely about Cornell.

    • Becky

      I’m with Dave, what’s it to you? Nobody is telling you to marry someone of the same sex. If you don’t like it just stay in your home so you never have to see it, I’m sure you won’t be missed. I think that the sick people are people like you. Why would they commit suicide? YOU are the one unhappy with the situation, not them and we all know that unhappy people are the ones who commit suicide.

      • lessthantolerant

        look at the statistics.

      • drklassen

        Gee, you don’t think those suicides could have anything to do with a large fraction of society telling them that the feelings they feel are unnatural, abhorrent to God, and perversely sinful do you? Made worse because, much like the color of their skin, they can’t simply choose to be otherwise? So, with all that condemnation, and no hope of change, what are the options you leave them with?

        In my opinion, none of them was a suicide; it was murder. By your kind.

      • lessthantolerant

        sadly you have a point, but you do not understand how you made it. true some of them were overcome with guilt and shame and committed suicide. But had scum like you not sought to justify their abnormal behavior they could have gotten help before being overwhelm by guilt and shame.
        While I pity these poor people, I have never personally harassed or hurt them and have even defended them when I say such action. But I will not condone them or empower them to continue their disgusting behavior.
        try again ass wipe.

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        Then just leave them alone. Plenty of heterosexual people commit suicide for the same reason; they feel worthless because of how others have treated them.

      • lessthantolerant

        I don’t protest in the street and have my “partner” walk me around with a leash. Why do I have to be subjected to this kind of disgusting behavior?

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        You must be in the wrong neighborhood. And heterosexual couples engage in the same behavior. Try again.

      • lessthantolerant

        Wow, have you drunk the kool-aide!

    • Gabby Parsons

      People who hate others they do not know and will never know makes me want to projectile vomit.

      • lessthantolerant

        Stop sucking dick, it may help.

      • Corey James

        You first, moron. The cattle can get by without you too.

      • lessthantolerant

        Ouch, such rapier wit!

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        Hmmm, another closet homosexual,eh? Them that protests the most are usually trying to escape their true selves.

      • lessthantolerant

        Please, childish attempts at trying to make me feel something about your statements are silly.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Just as silly as when you do it? Troll!

    • Crystal

      I don’t suppose that you have much tolerance for anything that doesn’t identify as “normal”. You can’t just “pray away the gay” or have your brain rewired to think differently. If you actually took the time and talked to some who is attracted to the same sex, you’d realize they are not any different from “normal” people. They are not sick and they are not committing suicide. Do you think the same thing of heterosexual couples that choose to not have children as well? Believe me, being gay is not going to be an up and coming fad- just like because I am for same-sex marriage actually doesn’t mean that I am going to go out and marry a woman because I don’t desire one. You need to learn to see things from a different perspective. Then again that probably won’t happen because from other threads I’ve read, you seem to like to troll and see how mad you can make other people… Does it make you feel good when you belittle people?

      • Kathy

        I agree with crystal gays and lesbians didn’t wake up one day and say well today i chose to be gay , lesbian ,transgender or bisexual they was born that way same as i was born white or my children was born bi- racial it is just who they are if u don’t like the fact to men or two women getting married or having sex stay out of their lives and bedroom .

      • lessthantolerant

        Homosexuality id a defect in the brain. Obviously a chemical imbalance which if studied and properly diagnosed could be “cured”.
        Why empower these poor sick individuals to commit suicide by playing disease roulette?

      • DebDeeGeorge

        Where did you get this information? Research? A defect in the brain…Really? Show me the documentation. I would love to read it.

      • lessthantolerant

        I have read scores of medical journals as well as many notes of psychiatrist who have studied homosexuality. Nothing is fact, this hypothesis is mine, but it has been in the medical community for a long time.
        However, gay and Lesbian groups have spent enormous amounts of time, money and legal wrangling to stop appropriate research in this direction. Sadly they fear that if we discover what causes this affliction it will prove them damaged.
        I believe that since study of the human brain is just in it’s infancy we should not allow this.
        Someday help will be achieve for homosexuality, bi-polar and other mental issues like this.
        Research it and you will see their is sufficient information to allow the theory to exist without the hate and attacks of the left.

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        There’s abundant research showing a genetic component to homosexuality, as well as depression. But, while I would want to be treated for depression, I wouldn’t want to be treated for homosexuality if I was happy.

      • lessthantolerant

        Delusional behavior does not make you happy! Just delusional.

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        Delusional means not connected with reality. Wrong again, doofus.

      • lessthantolerant

        As I said, you can’t grasp reality can you?

    • Guest

      I know, marriage can be hard. But if you really love each other you can get marriage counseling. I swear not all marriages are bad.

      • lessthantolerant

        Please offer statistics where fudge-packers have lasting marriages.

      • Loi Ting

        If you’re not comfortable with the thought of homosexual sex, then you should not engage in it. The constitution does not guarantee your right to live in a world where others are prohibited from pursuing life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness due to your dislike of their lifestyle.

      • lessthantolerant

        I think you missed the question in your attack of me. Try again asswipe.

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        Please prove to me they don’t.

      • lessthantolerant

        See, you can’t answer your own claim can you.

      • suburbancuurmudgeon

        I don’t have to. You’re the one making assumptions.

      • lessthantolerant

        Oh, reverse psychology, I am so impressed.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        I can’t imagine they’ll do any worse than the 50% success rate of the straights. Whattya think troll?

      • lessthantolerant

        Sadly you are wrong, their percentages in relationships are worst already which is an indicator of how their tying the knot would fare.
        Gays are notoriously unstable and hence they flit from hole to hole. Like flies on a dung pile.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Percentages that you’ve pulled from the same place that dung pile came from

      • lessthantolerant

        Try your own research!

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Why can’t I just make stuff up like you do?

      • lessthantolerant

        I guess because you are simply an uninformed liberal

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        So you admit you make stuff up? Refreshing!

    • Monkey’s Uncle

      Sounds like you have some homosexual tendencies to me. Just embrace it!

      • lessthantolerant

        Oh absolutely! I would love to use your peckerwood pencil to poke Obama, then again, so would he.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Stop talking dirty to me, I’m blushing

      • lessthantolerant

        Thought you’d like that.

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        I don’t like it, I LOVE it. Tell me more and more and more!

      • Monkey’s Uncle

        Dirty talk! Tell me more!

  • Vik-Thor

    I always want to know why the Conservative Christians are so against polygamy? It was practiced in the Old Testament that they seem to want everyone to follow. (Except for those rules that they decide have been over-ruled by Jesus Christ’s dying for everyone’s sins. Like shellfish, and eating pork, and wearing mixed fiber cloth.)

    • glebec

      My guess is that it has something to do with how many of them sleep with their daughters.

    • drklassen

      Or the “cancel all debts every 7 years” or the “no lending money at interest”. Funny how they never seem to mention those ones…

  • Stormy

    Of COURSE it affects me and my heterosexual marriage! Now we won’t have to feel like elitist jerks for having something that someone else isn’t allowed to have! That’s a great feeling!

  • kathy

    I truly believe in it should be up to the person who they fall in love with i could careless what gender,color or anything else who u love believe me i do understand what gays and lesbians are going through in a sense i lost a lot of family and friends when i started dating black men and i have 2 bi-racial daughters so i know i will never go through what gays and lesbians have gone through but i do understand everyone has a right to love who they love with out being bullied into what society wants them to be .

  • jeczaja

    I unequivocally support human rights and homosexuals are human. End of story. That does not mean I want to “celebrate” what you do in the privacy of your bedroom, listen to locker room stories about your dates, or behold paraders in assless chaps. Can we not just all grow up?

    • Grazel

      But straights do that all the time, just not once a year in a parade. Also Pride has changed a lot over the years. As it’s become less of a ‘necessity’ it’s become more of a party. It’s still tame in most places compared to Mardi Gras (show me your boobies for beads anyone). Yeah there are some over the top types, but that happens in any large group (look at the troublemakers at peaceful protests, using a group as an excuse to cause mayhem). Also as far as Pride goes, it’s not about what goes on in the privacy of our bedroom, it’s about an essential part of who we are. I could be homosexual and not gay, the distinction to me is homosexual refers just to my sexual partners and orientation, while gay refers to my identity and the fact that I love and share my life with the guy I have (or don’t have) sex with. Think of Prdie as a mini-Memorial day for gays, it is based around the date of a very important turning point for the gay civil rights movement, when we’d had enough of being harassed, beaten, and victimized by society and the law and stood up for ourselves so we could sit down (educational point: prior to the Stonewall Riots in ’69 gays weren’t allowed to sit in gay bars as that could hide them making contact with another or passing notes since under law they couldn’t talk, touch, and barely look at each other without being subject to arrests and beatdowns by police raids).

  • QED

    There is no real argument against marriage equality that does not directly hinge on religious mores. None. And last I heard the constitution still prohibits mixing religion and government, so religious arguments are legally irrelevant. The “slippery slope” line of argument is absurd and ridiculous – those who drag that little gem out only embarrass themselves. All the disingenuous yap about heterosexual parents being “best for the children” has long been proven to be BS. Marriage equality is a civil rights issue, pure and simple. Those who are “offended” by homosexuality should perhaps keep their minds out of other peoples’ bedrooms and worry about something else for a change – like how their “loving god” would view their disdain and lack of tolerance for those who they view to be “sinning” – “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and all that.

  • Heather Stafford

    Actually it does effect our marriage. We are happier because we know more couples can be together that love each other 🙂

  • Nknow

    If you don’t support gay marriage your path is simple and easy. Don’t get gay married. Also no one is trying to re-define marriage from a religious standpoint. No church has to gay marry anyone. This is a simple matter of legality. As in gay people can get a marrige license and the full benefits that the state confers to married people. It doesn’t have a damn thing to do with anyone’s moral or religious beliefs. You can go on being a bigot… It just carries way less impact on innocent gay people than it used to.

  • Ellen P Collingsworth

    Well, the same people who think gay couples having equal rights is a slippery slope to interspecies marriage also don’t “believe in” evolution. So I would think their interspecies fears could quickly be put to rest since as far as they are concerned animals will never evolve the ability to CONSENT.

  • lorna applefield

    Actually, if a human wanted to marry a monkey or his dog, as long as the monkey or dog was consenting I have no problem with that either. Either which way it doesn’t effect me or my marriage where you put your dick…as long as it’s welcomed there, it’s fine by me.

  • Mr. Hetero

    When you look at a heterosexual couple, do you imagine those persons in bed having sex in the privacy of their own space? I dont.

  • Skeptic girl

    Gay marriage, or as many call it “marriage”, only has the impact on me of making my gay friends happier therefore I am happier. On the other hand, it effects the economy in a huge way! As my friend Paul pointed out no one will buy more flowers, streamers, fireworks etc than a gay man planning his own wedding. I believe his exact words were ” it will be FABULOUS” (yes, he actually said that).

  • Praying

    It isn’t about equality. It isn’t about constitutional rights. It is about making the choice to accept or reject the authority of God who created life, the universe, and the marriage relationship. I pray God will continue to be patient and merciful so that others may come to know Him.

  • Tigerkitten36

    The only “problem” I see is that now there is MORE brides competing for their “date” at the venue during the prime wedding season. Book Early.

  • Jessica

    I recently wrote a paper defending marriage equality for my comp 2 class. Not only did my teacher love it, I got an A. My paper made several similar points that you’ve made, but you were far more to the point. (English papers have to make that 5 pg or more stretch you know.) I love that there are people like you and I out in the world who have enough sense to know and understand the right wing nut jobs are backwards, uninformed, uneducated, and just plain hateful. Well done, sir. Well done.

  • Liz Nelsen

    Of course Jesus wept. They were tears of joy.