Well, it’s clear that the American people have spoken and they don’t like President Obama. He’s just the worst, isn’t he? The American people are a well-informed electorate that saw the horrific record of this president and soundly rejected the failures of his administration.
Didn’t he know he was supposed to be white and a Republican before the GOP would ever think about working with him? Get with the program, Obama.
After all, who needs jobs? He’s only created over 10 million of them. What the hell was he thinking? Come on, a United States record for consecutive months of private-sector job growth and the best year for job creation since the Clinton era? Americans definitely don’t need any of that. What kind of president creates 10 million jobs in less than 6 years?
And health care, who needs that either, right? Humans sure don’t. Americans during the time of our Founding Fathers lived to the ripe old age of around 35-years-old. They sure as heck didn’t need affordable health care. They just knew they should die young.
Then when it comes to our stock market, what in the hell was he thinking passing policies that led to record high stock levels? Why would any president want our stock market to do well? A thriving stock market – that’s crazy socialist talk.
We can’t forget about his out of control spending, either. I mean, he’s only reduced our deficits by $1 trillion since he’s been president. Doesn’t he know that he should have waved his magic wand to fix the economic crash and end the two wars that led to these massive deficits that he was clearly responsible for – even though he wasn’t president when any of those things happened?
And who needs a president who’s constantly fighting to raise the minimum wage so that millions of Americans living in poverty can get off government assistance and better provide for their families? What kind of tomfoolery is that?
Also, who cares if the vast majority of Americans support universal background checks for gun purchases and sensible immigration reform? I mean, he’s pushed for both of those things, but that doesn’t matter. He sucks, duh!
It makes much more sense to vote in more candidates from the party that opposes both of them.
Oh, and his response to Ebola – what a joke. Why would Americans want a president who listens to medical experts who were right about Ebola being extremely hard to spread and that the chances of a widespread outbreak here were practically zero? It’s Ebola, run! In fact, you’ll probably want to get tested for Ebola immediately as you might have just caught the virus by simply reading this article. I’ve heard rumors on Fox News that just saying the word “Ebola” can cause you to get Ebola.
I think we should put a big anti-Ebola net around the entire United States. I hear Chris Christie would proudly issue funds for its construction.
Then there’s ISIS. Now, tell me, who’s ready for another indefinite war to fix the first indefinite war Republicans sent us to based on lies back in 2003? I know I sure as heck am! It’s just a shame President Obama would rather exhaust all other possible options before putting our military in harm’s way. Doesn’t he know American lives are a dime a dozen?
I’ve actually heard several rumors that ISIS is planning to invade the United States via Mexico, but they’ve been delayed from doing so by the delicious Mexican food they’ve encountered in Juarez.
And when it comes to women’s rights, who needs a president who cares about those? Apparently not many because millions of women proudly showed their support for the party that thinks it’s best if the government tells them what they can and cannot do to their own body. And I don’t know about you, but that makes perfect sense to me. Voting against your own interests is the American way.
It’s just clear that the well-informed American electorate has spoken loudly and proudly and they’ve said, “We don’t want a president who creates millions of jobs; avoids war if at all possible; passes laws that provide health care for millions of Americans; fights for women’s rights; wants to help poor people; believes in science; and has presided over the largest year-to-year reduction of our deficits since WWII.”
Republicans 2014: Because it worked out so well for us the last time they were in charge!
*This message was sarcastically brought to you by Allen Clifton.