The Bachmann Diaries: We Don’t Need An Abortion Museum!

bachmann-the-intellectualDear Diary,

I was honored to speak to Congress Wednesday against the proposed National Women’s History Museum. As a Republican woman, who is pro-women like all Republicans are, this museum makes my blood boil. It’s being described as a “women’s history museum,” but it’s actually a museum honoring abortion.

The most popular woman in the museum is Margaret Sanger. She’s the founder of Planned Parenthood, whose name is a sick joke. Parenthood. Everything they do there is about murdering poor, innocent babies. But the most horrible thing about Margaret Sanger is how she was a supporter of eugenics. Now I realize that a lot of conservatives support a specific type of eugenics, but she wanted colored black babies aborted most of all, where we want liberal and HOMO babies aborted. That makes sense. HOMOS and liberals contribute nothing to society, while blacks do. I mean, look at Herman Cain. He made the 2012 presidential campaign so much fun! He was always telling jokes, and one night, he tried to teach us all how to tap dance. Herman Cain is the perfect example of a black conservative.

Diary, I’m featured on the website for this horrible museum, because I am such a wonderful mother. They point out how selfless it was, taking in those 405 168 20 something foster girls, and of course, our five normal children. And it was selfless. We certainly didn’t do it just for the money; we did it because Holy God called us to care for those poor girls until the checks ran out. But how hypocritical is it for the National Women’s History Museum to tell the world how great a mother I am, while at the same time, promoting a woman who invented abortions? Who wanted to kill Negro black babies? They never mention the pro-life suffragettes, or the pro-life movement, they don’t give any information on traditional marriage, and they don’t even have an exhibit about Jesus. I know he’s a man, but every little girl’s first husband is Jesus.

My friend Beverly LaHaye, who runs Concerned Women for America, thinks this museum is a horrible idea, too. So does Phyllis Schlafly, and the American Family Association. Diary, if this many good, loving, tolerant Christians are against the National Women’s History Museum, you know it’s a very bad idea. Bev’s husband Tim writes all those amazing Left Behind books, so she has special insight into the End Times. My guess is, she knows that if this awful, evil museum gets built, American is doomed. God’s protective hand is already hovering over Canada, so we can’t afford to do anything else wrong.

This entire museum will be an ideological shrine to liberalism and radical feminism. We have about 100 museums for women already, why do we need another one? Because this one will focus on HOMOS and feminism and abortion and going braless and not shaving your armpits. I mean, really, it’s just disgusting. It gets worse. Marsha Blackburn, a woman normally so smart about everything, is planning to vote for the museum. Maybe she doesn’t understand who Margaret Sanger was, or that HOMO women are destroying the normal family, or that hairy armpits are really ugly. I should talk to her.

Speaking to Congress makes me tired. I really don’t like having to go all the way to Washington DC, I’d much rather be on Fox or conservative radio. When I get to Washington, people always want me to do things. It’s exhausting being the most popular politician in America.

Well, I need to supervise the Mexicans trimming the trees. Every time they come by, I get so nervous. Holy God forbid they dig up that dog.

Vote NO on the evil, radical feminist, pro-abortion, anti-American museum! And if it gets approved, when I become Queen of Godlandia, I will tear it down, and build a shrine to Phyllis Schlafly. Now there’s a woman who deserves her own museum.

Hugs and kisses-Queen Michele, future ruler of Godlandia

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.

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  • MLR

    I want to know which insane asylum this woman escaped from so we can send her back! Clearly this woman is nuts!

  • Windchild

    Margaret Sanger was a eugenicist, she didn’t fight for birth control for noble reasons. I love your column, but this fact should not get lost in the sarcasm.