Bipartisan Agreement Reached in the Senate to Eliminate the House of Representatives for Being Incompetent

mcconnell-reidApparently fed up with the embarrassment that’s known as our House of Representatives, the Senate is seeking to change our Constitution, and has come to an agreement to eliminate the House from our process of governing.

In a joint press conference attended by Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell, the senators seemed in agreement that the House of Representatives has to go.

Reid opened his remarks by saying, “I know this might come as a shock to some of you, but I just can’t take this crap anymore.  While I know the Senate isn’t perfect, and we have our own clowns like Ted Cruz, our issues pale in comparison to the child-like temper tantrums the House of Representatives continues to throw each and every year.”

McConnell agreed, saying, “And polls say I’m the weak Republican leader in Congress?  Was John Boehner a part of those polls?  Have you seen how incompetent he is?  He can’t even get his caucus to support his own bills.”

“This level of utter stupidity must end,” Reid went on to say, “and it starts with the House of Representatives being eliminated from our government.  As Senate leaders, myself and Mr. McConnell don’t always agree, but we’ve at least been able to come together on most key issues to craft a plan to pass legislation.  From the fiscal cliff, to immigration, to the deal we’ve been working on to reopen the government, we’ve at least shown a willingness to work together when we have to.  And while we’re far from efficient, at least when we must get something done, we can usually find a way to find some kind of compromise.”

One Republican senator who wished to remain anonymous said, “The House of Representatives couldn’t pass a True/False quiz if you told them all of the answers on the quiz were “true.”  The entire branch is broken.  They give a whole new meaning to the phrase “inefficient government,” and they’ve taken it to a level never before seen in the history of our great country.”

A comment on this proposal was sought from John Boehner or any member of the House of Representatives, but they couldn’t come to an agreement on who would make the statement and what they would say.  Some House Republicans then blamed it on President Obama and “Obamacare.”

But of course, none of this is true.  Though part of me wishes it were.  The House of Representatives continues to be the biggest problem we face in our government.  What was once the branch of government meant to represent the people, has now become a circus with too many clowns trying to perform at once while the animals trample the crowd.

Granted, the Senate is far from perfect.  After all, Ted Cruz is a senator, but at least some Republican senators have shown a slight willingness to work with Democrats on some of the major issues that could really harm our country.  House Republicans seem determined not to rest until they’ve reduced the government, which many of them so fiercely oppose, to rubble.

But what should we expect?  These people campaign for office by saying government is terrible, and what better way to prove that government is horrible than by sabotaging it from the inside?  Which seems to be what many of these tea party-backed Republicans seem determined to do.

And while the first part of this article is satire, there’s really nothing funny about the joke that the tea party has turned our government into.  Because while our government has had its fair share of issues, it’s never reached the levels of total incompetence that we’ve witnessed since 2010.

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Bob Moench

    There is a scientifically proven concept known as ‘information bias’… It basically says that people will automatically gravitate toward information, WHATEVER THE SOURCE, which will solidify their own, core beliefs. Science will be ignored or condemned as a cult. ‘Fact’ either takes on a whole new meaning, or loses ALL meaning… ANYTHING to avoid looking at an issue with impartiality.Thanks so much for feeding the beast of ignorance. Leave the satire to SNL, where it belongs…and where they’re actually good at it.

    • llcisyouandme

      It’s called Confirmation bias.

      When nut-jobs can’t find self-affirming drivel, they make it up, so I’m fine with some satire here.

    • Justin Tierney

      Are you kidding? SNL hasn’t been good in 10 years

      • Skyhollower

        Amen! Longer actually.

  • Mike Williams

    oh man…..I was hoping….Just a smidge of light was begining to shine…then “But of course, none of this is true”…. There goes the American dream…

    Ok let the hate flow…

    • mizzquagmire

      I think they ought to leave the satire articles for the Onion and Freewood post. gah!

      • Jennicysm

        I soooo agree!!!! It made way too much sense to be true. 🙁

  • Tori Crossman

    This reads like an Onion article… where are your sources? I almost want to say “video or it didn’t happen”….

    • Chrys Marie

      sat·ire [sat-ahyuhr]

      noun
      1.the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
      2.a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
      3.a literary genre comprising such compositions.

      Humor- Get a sense of one.
      That concludes today’s lesson…:)

  • Me

    Don’t bother with this poll is a Tea Party Mouthpiece

  • Danny Mathey

    Dump the house…Grab the Tea party by the cuffs of thier shirtsThen kick them in the ass… out the door…

    • B.David

      You’re just a libtard panty-waste. Talk is cheap, like liberal opinions. Try something like you’re mouth diarrhea on a real Tea Party member. You’ll get your thong born ass handed back to you.

      • Danny Mathey

        not true,Have many times.but most t. party members choose to hide behind the web, and spew out threats.Like you do.How did you like the outcome of the shutdown?.T.Paryt”s best bowed down on its knees to the Liberals.and got Nothing! they asked for. While costing this Country billions! good! job TEATARD !

      • gemma liar

        hand me any of them except allen west ( hes a marine and would kill me) I will enjoy an octagon 5 rounds with ANY tea party congressman. Michelle ” no tits and hating life for it” malkin also,,,I don’t hit women,,,,but h her I would punch repeatedly,,,,,palin I want to sex frequently- she is sexy

  • Brenda Noonan

    Just more crap spewing out of the mouths of useless twits. They all need to be replaced..from the top all the way to the bottom of the bs pile. Dems and Republicans too. So sick of all the lies on both sides.

    • derp

      It’s satire, genius.

      • Brenda Noonan

        Oh that’s better! Even genius’ have there moments.

  • Cindra Lawson

    Not funny that’s just cruel to get our hopes up and then say it’s satire…Something needs to be done to rein the radicals in and to think that I though some sort of sanity was actually happening on the hill…next time leave the satire for April fools day!! 😛

  • Scott

    I really had hope that this was true.

  • Diana Reichardt

    It would be great if this was to come to pass but I am sure it is just another big headache for the American people. Was nice to dream for a minute.. Seriously though something does need to change or we will be going thru this again real soon!.

  • Nathan V

    My dreams are ruined!

  • Linda Jenkins

    You know, Allan, your sense of humor leaves a great deal to be desired. There are so very many of us who would give our eye teeth for this to be true. Maybe the seditious act ran off with my sense of humor. Just not funny, buddy.

  • gemma liar

    awwwww,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that was priceless until I read it was a parody– now im pouting