Hobby Lobby May Have Their Own Presidential Candidate In 2016

Image courtesy of The Bayou Progressive.

Image courtesy of The Bayou Progressive.

I’m going to go ahead and fire up the speculation machine, since almost everyone else in the political blogosphere has been doing that since the day after the 2012 election. Truth be told, there’s not a ton of speculation to be done here; Bobby Jindal has been making his intentions quite obvious by spending so much time out of state that even some Louisiana Republicans are pissed at him.

Every chance he gets, Bobby Jindal hops a flight out of the state he’s running into the ground and heads off to Iowa, or New York, or anywhere else there’s a gathering of religious right wackos that he can pander to. Now before the usual chorus of “uggghhh, typical stupid Republican idiot” begins, let me point out that Bobby Jindal is well-educated. In fact, he even went to Oxford, which is more than I think any of the other potential candidates to get steamrolled by Hillary Clinton can say. What he’s doing isn’t that bad of a strategy if he wants to outmaneuver Rick “Frothy” Santorum, Mike Huckabee and others for the evangelical/right-wing vote.

The one entity that Bobby Jindal has been repeatedly kissing up to is the Green family. Yes, the Green family that owns Hobby Lobby and successfully argued that providing contraception as part of insurance coverage for employees was a violation of their religious freedoms. After all, they’re probably the biggest heroes of the “muh freedumbz” and “gotta keep those pesky gays from violating the sanctity of my 4th marriage” crowd – so it makes sense that he would firmly plant his lips on their self-righteous backsides.

Piyush “Bobby” Jindal for President, paid for by Hobby Lobby. Don’t laugh, this is looking like more and more of a possibility. Remember, this is the same governor who told President Obama that he could “learn from Louisiana” – the same state that collects more money from casinos than it does the massive oil and gas industry – all while running a huge budget deficit even after receiving $10 billion from the federal government this fiscal year. I guess it’s safe to say Hobby Lobby isn’t going to be hiring him for Chief Financial Officer.

Oh yeah, Bobby Jindal is going to be looking pretty good to the “Obummer is coming for mah gunz” crowd also since he also hinted at an overthrow of the federal government at the annual Faith and Freedom Conference earlier this year:

“I can sense right now a rebellion brewing amongst these United States,” Jindal said, “where people are ready for a hostile takeover of Washington, D.C., to preserve the American Dream for our children and grandchildren.” (Source)

Bobby Jindal is also going to play well with the “no insurance? Let them die!” Tea Party voters, the same folks who also fell for a satire story that claimed Common Core made kids gay. Remember, this is the governor who claimed Louisiana couldn’t afford Medicaid expansion but is spending money defending the state’s ban on gay marriage AND he also signed a bill making it harder for lawsuits to be filed against the oil companies his brother represents as an attorney. Oh, and he was for Common Core before he realized the nutjobs actually were serious in thinking it was a liberal plot to brainwash kids, and is now spending money trying to reverse the implementation of the standards in Louisiana – a state that ranks near the bottom of the pile in education already.

With this record of doing the opposite of what Christ would’ve done, Bobby Jindal is going to be a hit with the Hobby Lobby-loving members of the far right. I’ll even go so far to wager that they’ll overlook such facts like his parents are Indian immigrants or he studied at an “elitist” school. They might even skip making tech support or Kwik-E-Mart jokes and overlook the color of his skin. After all, Dr. Ben Carson has made inroads with the folks on the right who seem to really love a minority candidate who speaks their kind of crazy. Carson has wooed them with such hits as the new AP history curriculum would make kids want to join ISIS, or Obamacare is worse than 9/11 and the worst thing since slavery.

Rest assured, America, the horror that is Louisiana’s governor is more likely destined for an occasional Fox News contributor spot with other primary has-beens like Pat “I’m not even bothering to hide my racism anymore” Buchanan and Herman “9-9-9” Cain. He might end up working for Florida Governor Rick Scott’s former company Columbia/HCA and find new ways to cheat Medicare out of billions, but he won’t be president.

Why won’t Bobby Jindal be the first Indian-American to be president? You see, pandering to the far right may give you an edge in the straw polls and early primaries. Hell, Michele Bachmann won the Ames straw poll in 2011, before finishing 6th in the actual caucus and exiting the race. However, all the crazy stuff you said to that one woman who thinks Obamacare has death panels or that guy who thinks the UN is coming to take his guns, it all comes back to bite you in the general election. As Mitt Romney proved in 2012, you can’t cater to the radical right in the primaries and then successfully swing back to the center.

Besides, if Bobby Jindal loses to Hillary Clinton in a hypothetical 2016 matchup in his own very conservative state, and voters would rather have a former governor who spent 8 years in federal prison instead of him, it’s pretty safe to say that all of Hobby Lobby’s money won’t get him to the White House.


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