Bubbas versus Bubbles: America According To Mike Huckabee (VIDEO)

huckabee-jon-stewartIn 2008, Half Governor She Who Will Not Be Named referred to certain areas of this country as “real America,” then Limbaughed an apology. It turns out she didn’t need to, because Mike Huckabee thinks pretty much the same thing. Mr. Huckabee, who all but flat-out said he’s running for president during his recent appearance on The Daily Show, also made reference to a little theory he calls “Bubbas versus Bubbles.” The Bubbles are the East and West coast, and the Bubbas are the people who live everywhere else. Like Chicago, a town known for country music, conservative values, and lots and lots of pickup trucks.

That part about Chicago is a joke, and so is Huckabee’s Bubbas versus Bubbles silliness. But I get where he’s coming from, sort of. In his book, God, Grits, Gravy, Guns, Gummy Bears, or whatever it’s called, the former Arkansas governor writes about “Bubble-ville” and “Bubba-ville.” Bubble-ville is where college-educated, liberal elitists live, while Bubba-ville is where Half Governor Grifter’s “real Americans” live. The residents of Bubble-ville look down on the folks living in Bubba-ville, because they’re all a bunch of Ivy league educated snobs. He points out there is a difference between being educated and being smart. And he’s right; many people who have attended some of the finest colleges in this country are not very smart. The problem is, the majority of those people are conservatives.

Ted Cruz is a great example of a highly-educated man who’s not too smart. Cruz went to Harvard, but couldn’t decipher the meaning of a Dr. Seuss book. He’s called sane gun laws “the president’s extreme anti-gun agenda,” and said this in 2013 while speaking to right-wing radio host, Laura Ingraham:

He is pushing on every front on guns, and I think it’s really sad to see the president of the United States exploiting the murder of children and using it to push his own extreme anti-gun agenda.

The exploitation Cruz references is repeated when he says this:

There are Democrats in the Senate who are going to fight to push this agenda because the tragedy in Newtown is the excuse they’ve been waiting to push this for.

During the same interview, Cruz said President Obama has “drunk the Kool-Aid,” and is “high on his own power.” Would someone please explain Jim Jones to every conservative who keeps using this “Kool-Aid” comment? It’s not cute or snarky, it’s disrespectful to the hundreds of people who died in Guyana.

Another highly educated but not very smart conservative is Dr. Jerome Corsi. Bear with me here, this is gonna get weird. Jerome Corsi has a PhD from Harvard in Political Science, and is the author of a few bestselling works of fiction I MEAN highly researched and factually accurate books about President Obama. Dr. Corsi is the senior reporter (stop laughing) for World Net Daily. World Net Daily is “famous” for its insane birther stance, giving Phyllis Schlafly a place to vent her rather draconian beliefs, and Jerome Corsi is their senior reporter (no, really, stop laughing).

Here are some examples of Dr. Jerome Corsi’s work:

*President Obama is gay. Secretly gay. Was married to a man.

*Supported the swift boating” of John Kerry during the 2004 presidential campaign, going so far as to co-write a book attacking Kerry’s entire military career.

*Wrote a fictional novel (labeled fiction) entitled “The Shroud Codex,” and the only good “official” review is on World Net Daily.

*Hitler isn’t dead.

*The Nazis discovered the real truth about oil. As seen on Stormfront.org!

Finally, we have Mott Rimney…err…Mitt Romney. Mittens, as he is affectionately known, was educated at Brigham Young and Harvard, and often says things that aren’t very smart. During the 2012 presidential campaign, Romney tried desperately to at least rent property in Bubba-ville, but failed miserably. When asked by an AP reporter if he follows NASCAR, Mitt responded:

Not as closely as some of the most ardent fans. But I have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners.

During a speech to the Detroit Economic Club in 2012, Mitt praised the height of the trees, and spoke about he and his wife Ann’s love of American-made cars:

This feels good, being back in Michigan. You know, the trees are the right height. The streets are just right. I like the fact that most of the cars I see are Detroit-made automobiles. I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pick-up truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually. And I used to have a Dodge truck. So I used to have all three covered.(source)

And who can forget the words that cost Mitt Romney the presidency:

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.(source)

Okay, there is a difference between being educated and being smart, at least when it comes to quite a few pundits and politicians on the right. So what are they to do? Mike Huckabee only has a bachelor’s degree from Ouachita Baptist University, and his upbringing, which he cites quite often, was decidedly middle-class: Dad was a firefighter, while Mom worked as an office clerk. He’d be a good choice for Bubba-ville. There might be a better one, though.

What if there was a man without an education, a man who is hailed as a true example of Bubba-ville? A man who is so lacking in empathy and tact, he wrote an oped telling parents who have lost children to gun violence their dead kids don’t trump his right to own a a gun? Yes, Joe the Plumber, aka Samuel Wurzelbacher. Joe/Sam is an Air Force veteran, who was stationed in North Dakota and Alaska. No, he’s never seen actual combat, but given how many right-wing politicians have avoided service and still love war, it might be a nice change to have a guy who at least wore a uniform.

There’s no such thing as Bubba-ville or Bubble-ville; this is just a way for a conservative presidential hopeful like Mike Huckabee to divide our country. Liberals live in red states, and conservatives live in blue states. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a qualified candidate run for president who, rather than continuing to pit us against each other, might find a way to bring us together? Watch the video from last night’s The Daily Show below:

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.


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