There Are No Christians In The Bible, Or On The Far Right

admin-ajax.php-2Shockingly, there are no Christians in the Bible. All the main characters, and the not-so-main characters, are Jewish, even Jesus himself. And yet, modern right wing Christians use the Bible every day to promote an agenda that is the antithesis of what Jesus taught. Fundamentalist Christian leaders spend much of their time, and their followers’ money, on trying to enact laws all over the world to do one thing: attack the LGBT community – and it’s happening right here in America.

Do you know what Jesus said about being LGBT? Nothing. The man around whom the entire Christian religion is based said nothing about being a lesbian, being a gay man, being bisexual, or being transgender. Zip. Jesus did have quite a lot to say about loving others as he has loved us, he told us the meek shall inherit the earth, he said to a rich man that in order to follow him, the rich man must sell all he had and give the proceeds to the poor. Jesus spoke often about wealth, and he wasn’t a fan.

Adultery? That was another big no no in Jesus’s opinion. He believed that simply looking at another person with lust in your heart constituted adultery, but he also believed in the power of forgiveness. A woman is brought before him, and the Pharisees use her to test Jesus. By law, the woman, who may have committed adultery, must be put to death. Jesus responds to them that whomever has never sinned may cast the first stone. Her accusers disappear, and Jesus tells the woman to go forth and sin no more.

What this event tells us is that Jesus was the new law. When he says he will tear down the temple and rebuild it in three days, he is speaking of the New Covenant. Jesus, while supporting many of the basic laws written in the Old Testament (don’t murder, don’t lie, honor your father and mother, don’t commit adultery), he is negating the majority of the laws in Leviticus. You really shouldn’t cheat on your spouse; however, we’re not going to stone you to death anymore.

Fundamentalist Christians seem to have utterly forgotten the point behind the story of Jesus’s resurrection. While I do not believe Jesus rose from the dead, I understand the symbolism behind the event. By dying and being reborn, Jesus is washing away not just sin, but the need for draconian punishments for sinning. You have probably noticed many church-going Christians at your local Red Lobster, or other seafood restaurants, scarfing down shrimp after church. According to the Old Testament, they’re not supposed to do that. Perhaps you know a fundamentalist Christian with a tattoo or two. Nope, not supposed to do that, either. In both the Old and New Testaments, there are passages about women being silent, being subservient, and being ruled by men. ¬†Most of this has to do with a woman’s role in church. If you Google “fundamentalist Christian women,” you find links to sites that help women who are escaping the patriarchal right wing Christian movement. The problem is so rampant that one of the sites is entitled “Broken Daughters.” Reading some of the stories at Broken Daughters, I realized that one part of the Old Testament is still alive and well: misogyny. Fundamentalist Christians will tell you they don’t “hate” anyone. They don’t hate women (they simply want women to remain pregnant from adolescence until menopause, not work, be subservient and keep the Quiver Full). They don’t hate the LGBT community (they simply believe being LGBT is evil, and a lifestyle of Satan, and good Christians should have the right to discriminate against them whenever they want). They certainly don’t hate children (unless the children are poor, or need to be adopted, or black, or their parents are undocumented immigrants). Right wing Christian leaders helped craft Uganda’s insane anti-LGBT bill. Right wing Christian leaders helped craft Russia’s anti-LGBT legislation. And right wing Christian leaders are pushing legislation here at home, allowing businesses to discriminate against members of the LGBT community.

Again, Jesus was not a Christian. However, the entire Christian religion is allegedly based on his teachings. Where in the Gospels does Jesus say “And if you own a laundromat, or a cafe, or a bookstore, you shall tell the LGBT community ‘I will not serve you, for even though Jesus said nothing about you, I cherry pick the Bible?’ ” Is that in there somewhere? Maybe it was in one of those parts that got left out? Perhaps it was in Paul’s Letters To The Teabaggers Chapter 3, Verse 16?

Are Jesus’s hateful and discriminatory teachings written on the back of the Declaration of Independence in invisible ink? I went to Catholic school for eight years, and not once did a nun or priest speak at length about the Gospel of Hate and Bigotry.

If fundamentalist Christians want to try and legislate hate, they should at least have the courage to tell the truth. Jesus would never do any of these things, he would not support these laws here, and he certainly wouldn’t support laws that imprison or execute people based on who they love. There are no Christians in the Bible, the laws of Leviticus do not apply to Christianity, and Jesus never said a flipping thing about being LGBT. Paul did, but since when did Christians follow Paul? I thought the whole point of Christianity was the CHRIST part.

I’ll leave you with this satirical piece from The Arizona Daily Star. Since Jesus is busy making rainbows and following George Takei on Twitter, he sent the angel Gabriel to “talk to” the architect of Arizona’s pro-discrimination bill. It went about as well as you’d expect.¬†

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.


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