Conservatives are Furious That the Movie ‘Noah’ Doesn’t Tell Their Fictional Story Accurately

Russell Crowe as NoahSome see me as kind of a paradox.  I’m a Christian, yet I don’t put much stock in the Bible.  I always reference the “Telephone Game” we often play as children as proof how a message, passed from person to person, can become completely distorted.  And that game is often played by using a simple message, let alone a massive book like the Bible.  It just floors me that people take some of the things in the Bible literally even though they’ve been translated over and over, through many different languages, for centuries.

Even when it comes to the current Bible, Christians can’t agree upon interpretations of English text.  A liberal Christian and an evangelical can read the exact same passage yet come away with two completely difference answers.  Look no further than the fact that I’ve actually had conservatives tell me that Jesus would be a huge fan of guns if he were alive today.  A claim that is as laughable as it is maddening.

When it comes to the story of Noah – no – I don’t believe a 400-year-old man (without any training to build a giant ark) built a massive ark that housed all the animals on earth with his sons, endured a worldwide flood and lived to be 900 years old.

Let’s just think about that for a second.  If these right-wingers want to believe the Earth is only 6,000 years old, that means Noah lived nearly 1/6 of Earth’s existence.  You mean to tell me someone built a giant ship, survived a massive flood and lived 900 years and there’s not mountains of evidence of his existence?

No wonder it’s a story commonly told to children.  You’d have to have the mental capacity of a child to believe such nonsense.

Now with the movie Noah coming out, it seems conservatives are beside themselves that the movie based off a fictional story isn’t being kept true to the biblical story – which is also fiction.  It’s like when a comic book fan gets angry because the movie about their favorite comic book character is altered some to make it more cinematically entertaining.

Here’s a fun fact for these people: If Noah was real, he sure as heck wouldn’t have been a white guy that looked like Russell Crowe either.  Though I don’t see many of these conservatives complaining about that.

It’s just hilarious to see these conservatives “offended” because a mythical event wasn’t told with “factual accuracy.”

Image via Niko Tavernise/Paramount Pictures

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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