It’s Back! CPAC Starts Today – Get Ready for the Right-Wing Insanity

10002821_10152262024272489_368277854_nAs a human being, the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) offends me on more levels than I can possibly list.  As a commentator, it’ll be three of the easiest days of writing I’ve had in a while.

Essentially, it’s where a bunch of conservatives get together and spout off total nonsense, perpetuate propaganda and showcase their utter ignorance on just about damn near everything.

You might recall this is the event where Sarah Palin brought a Big Gulp to mock the law in New York City which banned large soft drinks.  You know, because nothing says “take us seriously” like a clown bringing out a Big Gulp to pander to those in attendance for the conservative circus.

But to give you an idea of how much insanity we’re about to be privy to, take a look at a few of these speakers:

Thursday: Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, Chris Christie, Tim Scott, Pat Toomey, Mitch McConnell, Bobby Jindal, Marco Rubio, Mike Lee, Donald Trump

Friday: Rick Perry, John Cornyn, Mike Huckabee, Ralph Reed, Rick Santorum, Al Cardenas, Rand Paul

Saturday: Newt Gingrich, Jim Demint, Sarah Palin

How sad is it that the “big keynote” speaker for this whole event is Sarah Palin?  She hasn’t even been a politician since 2009.  You know, when she quit her job as Governor of Alaska.

Oh, and Donald Trump.  Nothing says “conservative values” quite like a guy who’s had multiple wives and made a lot of his money from booze and gambling.

I also can’t help but notice that neither the most recent Republican president George W. Bush, or the two most recent GOP presidential candidates John McCain or Mitt Romney, will be speaking at this event.

While I’ll undoubtedly need to have a few drinks these next few days to stomach the nonsense these people will be spewing, I’ll probably be laughing most of the time.

I almost feel like taking over/under bets on how often words and phrases like “socialism,” “traditional American values,” “traditional marriage,” “Obama leads from behind,” “religious freedoms,” “Constitutional values” and “lawless presidency” will be uttered during these next three days.  I’m guessing no less than three times each.

But don’t worry, I’m a nice guy.  Because you’re all such wonderful readers, I’m going to save you the trouble of listening to these people speak by providing you all the updates about what’s going on at CPAC.  So stay tuned.

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Frooble Rippers

    Let the freak show begin! 😉

  • Gary Menten

    CPAC: Collection of Political Asshats and Crackpots.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      Caucasian pandemic Ananias christians

      • Gary Menten

        Clowns, Putzes And Crazies.

  • Brett Lewis

    Sounds like a good opportunity for a drinking game. Although you may have to be drunk before you can even begin watching their nonsense. How abou we take over/under on how much policy they actually talk about. I m going to go with zero.

  • TheOneWhoNocks

    It’s a rally to take back the country in the name of wealthy white Christian conservatives, because they don’t already run everything.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      I did enjoy glenn “needledick” beck crying ” take back our country” immediately after a black well spoken democrat was elected.
      “take back our country”….. hey glenn: move to texas and cecede

      • Terry Worcester

        That was a total Jerry Springer episode. I knew Beck went insane when he was bumped off a real network.. Now he’s totally plant skat.

  • Sunny Ray

    They should play it as a trilogy on central comedy, that would have more sense… or syfy lol

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      or benny hinn

  • Avatar

    Several bloggers has already made a drinking game bets when each speakers utter Benghazi, drink one, says Benghazi twice, drink two, and says it thrice, drink three. I spurned the offer because I’m staying at home daddy and they’re napping now. I’m so ready to hurl the fury when they say something laughable idiotic stuffs.

    • Pipercat

      You’d be shitfaced in about 8 seconds. Great move!

  • Sandy Greer

    Oh goody; more columns. 😉

    Seriously, it’s always good to know what the competition is saying, and what their strategy is. Telling about Bush/McCain/Romney. I wonder how Chris Christie will be received; he’s considered a RINO by the RWNJs/TeaPugs.

    I can’t help but hope the ‘crazy’ is given free reign at CPAC.

  • gmartini

    Wow—I’m surprised they didn’t ask Ted Nugent to speak at their Klan fest.

  • Marilyn Olsen Scheffler

    It makes me seriously sick to my stomach to even think about having to listen to ANY of those speakers!! I would rather slit my throat than have to endure anything they might and probably WILL say! I guess the transition between life and death would be subtle if I died during that time.

    • Scott Smith

      but you can listen to Reid calling sick people liars, or Pelosi telling everyone they have to pass a bill so we can see what is in it? I do think all the career politicians have got to go from both sides of the aisle

      • Pipercat

        Saying stupid shit is bipartisan. Pandering to the lowest denominator possible is something CPAC excels at…

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        don’t forget the big money at the lowest denominator

  • Hank Garner

    All you people STUPID OBAMA KOOL AID DRINKING FOOL!!!!

    • Avatar

      Lest we know how to vote right and we’re not drinking any kook aid because it is too poisonous for humans to drink it.

      • Sandy Greer

        When things just aren’t ‘right’:

        Go LEFT. ;D

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      hank is pissed because hes a NON sexual aging white trash churchgoer who hates all the are not white trash churchgoing alcoholics.
      lets hear it for scumbags such as hank

  • Scott Smith

    I will give you the Big Gulp and raise you tampon ear rings….so just the right is insane? how about we are given two teams to vote for the lesser of two evils which is made up of career politicians that for decades have been screwing the We the People…

  • Pipercat

    All stocked up with Pepto and Motrin; waiting for inevitable agita and pain. However what seems apparent, is the conference and its attendees are fiber and Ex Lax deficient…

  • Annette Combs

    It is fairly amazing that the country has not completely revolted over the insanity that is called Washington DC. Career politicians that can not or will not take a pay cut when the country is hurting so badly, and heaven forbid if we take a penny away from welfare, or food stamps to help the economy grow. It is completely ridiculous that we fight each other and make fun of each other rather than fix the real true problems facing our country. Have a nice day to all of the conservative haters out there.

    • Mrs_oatmeal

      I don’t think the economy will grow if the middle and lower classes have no money to spend. The rich ship their money overseas and don’t spend it either. Taking food from the mouths of children, the elderly and our veterans will definitely not drive the economy.

    • Sandy Greer

      Oh, woe is you; poor, picked-on conservatives.

      You seem to feel it’s the least among us – those on welfare and food stamps – who are holding our economy back.

      And that – if only we can take ENOUGH from them – our economy will grow.

      NOTHING about a bloated Defense budget; NOTHING about corporate/Wall Street tax rates. NOTHING about the richest 1% owning 40% of our wealth. NOTHING about the lowest 80% (probably you/me/everybody here) own 7% of the wealth.

      BTW, the lowest 80% includes welfare/food stamp recipients, many of whom hold down jobs. Yes, WE fund their food stamps; some employers pay so low, the slack is picked up by the public. So the richest 1% can tuck more ‘green’ in their pockets.

      But YOU – the poor, picked-on conservatives – resent the LEAST among us. And would take what little they have to ‘help our economy grow’.

      And you poor, picked-on conservatives wonder why you can’t get a vote.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      what exactly are “conservatives” ( see: REGRESSIVES ) actually conserving??? certainly isn’t MONEY as they spend it faster than democrats…..religion? conserving some BS “VOODOO” religion? what exactly are the aging white trash crybabies conserving?

      • meatwad_SSuppet

        They think they are conserving the ‘leave it to beaver’ life style that none of them ever had, nor anyone else in the real world for that matter. Your question is a good one for which there is no actual answer. It will be one excuse for one demographic, and another for a different group of people.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        agreed,,,,,,,,,,,,and by conserving their 50’s utopian façade ( more as they claim to be ‘conserving’) that rationalizes the rights “right” to go after all which doesn’t line up to mirror that phony ”ozzie and harriet” mirage. As they imbue JEEESUS as their stalwart principle ( see: voodoo GOD) they –in their minds– cannot fail so they SHOULD not fail and all those who oppose are secular anarchists of satan.
        the reality is they simply don’t like non white non Baptists who have the moxie and gumption to THINK

    • Gary Menten

      If you loosen your underwear a bit, it might help the blood flow to your brain.

  • DaltonOriginal

    Creepy People Acting Childish