As a human being, the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) offends me on more levels than I can possibly list. As a commentator, it’ll be three of the easiest days of writing I’ve had in a while.
Essentially, it’s where a bunch of conservatives get together and spout off total nonsense, perpetuate propaganda and showcase their utter ignorance on just about damn near everything.
You might recall this is the event where Sarah Palin brought a Big Gulp to mock the law in New York City which banned large soft drinks. You know, because nothing says “take us seriously” like a clown bringing out a Big Gulp to pander to those in attendance for the conservative circus.
But to give you an idea of how much insanity we’re about to be privy to, take a look at a few of these speakers:
Thursday: Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, Chris Christie, Tim Scott, Pat Toomey, Mitch McConnell, Bobby Jindal, Marco Rubio, Mike Lee, Donald Trump
Friday: Rick Perry, John Cornyn, Mike Huckabee, Ralph Reed, Rick Santorum, Al Cardenas, Rand Paul
Saturday: Newt Gingrich, Jim Demint, Sarah Palin
How sad is it that the “big keynote” speaker for this whole event is Sarah Palin? She hasn’t even been a politician since 2009. You know, when she quit her job as Governor of Alaska.
Oh, and Donald Trump. Nothing says “conservative values” quite like a guy who’s had multiple wives and made a lot of his money from booze and gambling.
I also can’t help but notice that neither the most recent Republican president George W. Bush, or the two most recent GOP presidential candidates John McCain or Mitt Romney, will be speaking at this event.
While I’ll undoubtedly need to have a few drinks these next few days to stomach the nonsense these people will be spewing, I’ll probably be laughing most of the time.
I almost feel like taking over/under bets on how often words and phrases like “socialism,” “traditional American values,” “traditional marriage,” “Obama leads from behind,” “religious freedoms,” “Constitutional values” and “lawless presidency” will be uttered during these next three days. I’m guessing no less than three times each.
But don’t worry, I’m a nice guy. Because you’re all such wonderful readers, I’m going to save you the trouble of listening to these people speak by providing you all the updates about what’s going on at CPAC. So stay tuned.
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