Dear Republicans: Maybe It’s Time You All Realize, God Might Not be on Your Side

jesusfacepalmRepublicans often like to talk about Christianity, religion and the Bible. Well, I should rephrase that; they like to talk about their versions of all three. You see, what conservatives worship isn’t really Christianity. It’s really just a political party that clings to a handful of excerpts from the Bible, mostly targeting homosexuality. Meanwhile, they tend to ignore all the parts that speak out against greed and helping the poor.


These are people who honestly believe that if Jesus Christ were alive today, he’d be a capitalist-loving, pro-death penalty conservative who strolls around town with a Glock holstered to his hip and an AR-15 strapped to his back.

It’s just absurd.

But what I always find so amusing about all of this is just how often conservatives tend to lose. They like to ramble on about how all these horrible liberal things are going to bring about God’s wrath, but it never comes. In fact, the last time all hell broke loose we had a Bible-thumping Republican in the White House.

Since then, Republicans have suffered several huge defeats.

First, President Obama (the man many honestly believe is some sort of anti-Christ) won two overwhelming victories. One would think if God were on the GOP’s side, the “anti-Christ/Muslim/non-American/socialist/black guy” would have never won in 2008 – let alone again in 2012.

Then, not only did he win both of his elections, but the nation has experienced historic (and record-setting) economic growth the last couple of years. Heck, 2014 was the best economic year since the last Democrat, Bill Clinton, lived in the White House.

Think about that for a moment: Throughout Clinton’s eight years – not a single recession. Then once George W. Bush gets “elected,” we then experience the worst terrorist attack in our nation’s history; end up in two seemingly endless wars; and go through two recessions (one being the worst economic crash in nearly a century).

Then, once a Democrat moves back into the White House, shortly thereafter almost everything starts getting better.

Is that “divine intervention”? Probably not. But, using Republican “logic” where they seem to think God plays political favorites, I’m not seeing where their Bible-loving ways are really paying off via God’s divine help with their various beliefs.

Even if you look at the Affordable Care Act, the law Republicans have been fear-mongering against since its inception, it’s faced two challenges in the Supreme Court that would have all but ended the law entirely. Yet, in both instances, President Obama’s signature health care law prevailed – even when many liberals thought it wasn’t going to survive.


Oh, and didn’t we just legalize same-sex marriage in the United States as well? One would think since Republicans say gay marriage is such an affront to Christian values and the sanctity of marriage that this would have been the one area where God stepped in, right? Yet, liberals were victorious once again.

Even looking at abortion, over 40 years ago conservatives lost that battle. And that was during a time when people were far more religious and socially conservative than they are now – yet liberals prevailed.

It just seems like any time a major issue is decided on in this country, Republicans are almost always on the losing side of it.

Hell, even the pope has come out as someone who believes in human-made climate change. You know – the leader of the largest Christian religion in the world. If anyone should believe God controls the weather, it’s him. Yet, even he believes that humans are the ones causing it, not God’s anger over – whatever the latest conservative outrage happens to be. It’s pretty sad when the pope believes in science more than millions of Republicans.

They talk about prayer, the Bible, their “Christian values” and how it’s liberals who are going to bring about all these horrific things up to and including God’s wrath – but none of that nonsense ever occurs. In fact, all that typically ends up happening is that liberals keep ending up on the right side of these issues while conservatives continue to find themselves on the losing end.

So, Republicans, perhaps it’s time you all realize: Maybe God’s not on your side.



Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • cruisersailor

    Zeus told me that he doesn’t like Republicans.

    • Gary Menten

      He told me the same thing last week, actually.

  • Gary Menten

    Every German Army soldier in both world wars wore a buckle with the words “Gott Mit Uns” (God is with us) on in. They still lost both times.

  • Denton Young

    If God exists She has a lot more things to worry about than the concerns of some hairless apes on a tiny hunk of debris orbiting an ordinary yellow dwarf star. Running the entire Universe takes a lot of energy. 🙂

    • Kerry Norton

      Yep, and football’s in the off season.