Decoding Republicans: 10 Common Phrases Conservatives Use and What They Really Mean

Most Republican voters are nothing if not predictable. If you want to know what the vast majority of them are going to say to any given argument, just tune in to Fox News, the only network most of them trust, and listen to whatever talking points, propaganda, or conspiracies the network is feeding them. You can bet if Fox News is saying it, most conservative voters will be repeating it.

Though the truth of the matter is, what conservatives say isn’t what they actually mean.

So, in the spirit of Republican hypocrisy, propaganda, and love of conspiracies, I thought I’d run though ten words and phrases most Republicans say, then tell you what they really mean.

1. We’re for small government: This actually means they’re for massive government whenever they believe they can use said government to violate the Constitutional rights of other people. They’re actually only fans of “small government” when it prevents them from unconstitutionally forcing their views on others.

2. Fake news: Any news report that they don’t want to believe is true.

3. Any time they bring up Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton: “We can’t really defend something Donald Trump has said or done, so we’re going to bring up Obama and Clinton while hoping to distract people instead.”

This often involves trying to create a false equivalency through some sort of asinine conspiracy theory being pushed by clowns like Sean Hannity and/or Rush Limbaugh.

4. We’re the party of Christian values: “We know religion is the easiest way to manipulate millions of people into acting against their own self interests, therefore as long as we fake like we actually care about Christian values, even though our policies are a complete contradiction of what they stand for, we can brainwash millions of poor and middle class Americans into thinking that the best way for their lives to be better is by giving rich people more money.”

5. Make America great again: … for white people who are predominantly rich, and racists who’ve been shunned by society for decades.

6. The election was rigged due to rampant voter fraud: Republicans lost an election.

7. We need to get back to traditional American values: “The country is becoming more and more diverse, lessening the stranglehold white Americans have had over it since its inception, so now we’re freaking out.”

8. The media is biased against conservatives: “We don’t like that our views are becoming increasingly outdated and rejected by the majority of society, therefore any media entity that chooses not to tell us that we’re right is against us.”

9. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people: “I’m an idiot who just really likes guns no matter how many people have to die each year so that I can pretend to be a super Constitutional modern day G.I. Joe.”

10. I’m pro-life: “Well, at least until a fetus is born — then I support war, guns, cuts to social programs that help the poor, and the death penalty with enthusiasm.”

Clearly I could do a few more, because that’s just how full of crap most conservatives are, but I think I’ll save those for a possible “Part 2.” If you have any suggestions on what I might want to add to that possible future list, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

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Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.