Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson Gives Absurd CPAC Speech Showcasing True Conservative Ignorance

phil-robertson-cpacSomething I’ve always joked about is that my life would be much simpler if I was just a conservative. Instead of trying to understand science or deciphering complex problems to come up with rational solutions, I could just blindly applaud gibberish and nonsense as long as it was filled with plenty of conservative talking points and trigger words like “Constitution,” “the Bible” or “guns.”

The truth is, if I went in front of 5,000 conservatives and said the following statement:

Today we’re gathered here to champion the truth of the Constitution! We’re here to usher in patriotism in the good Christian-loving U.S. of A. and we’re not going home until the liberal media and those hippie communists feel the wrath of our Lord Almighty as our truth is forced upon them with a Bible in one hand and a gun in the other – God Bless America!

I would get a rousing, thunderous applause from basically every person in attendance.

There’s just one slight issue – what the hell does any of that even mean? I literally just typed in whatever conservative nonsense popped into my head. It’s a few lines of right-wing talking points that make no sense and have absolutely no point.

It doesn’t matter that the above statement was nothing but a random mixing of Republican talking points and trigger words, conservatives would cheer it nonetheless.

Another example of what I’m talking about was showcased perfectly during Phil Robertson’s bizarre speech at this year’s CPAC event. When one speech includes ramblings about STDs, Nazis, hippies and communists – that pretty much defines what it means to call something an “incoherent word salad.”

“I’m looking at it, and I said ‘I don’t want you, America, to get sick. I don’t want you to become ill. I don’t want you to come down with debilitating diseases,'” Robertson said of the CDC’s information saying that 110 million Americans have some form of STD.

Then he shifted the subject toward his belief that this nation was founded and built by religious people.

“You know what’s happened GOP? We’ve got too many any-others in the White House. It wasn’t written for them,” he said. “It wasn’t written for them.”

Funny, people like Robertson claim that this nation was founded on religion, yet they still can’t explain why there’s not a single mention of Christianity anywhere in our Constitution. Are these people really trying to say that as ultra-religious as they claim our Founding Fathers were, that these men just accidentally forgot to put any mention of Christianity in our nation’s most important document?

The truth is, the lack of any reference to Christianity in our Constitution wasn’t an accident, it was by design.

But then Robertson really started going off the rails.

“We had to have all three to run the Brits back to where they came from,” Robertson said. “We had to have all three when the Nazis reared their head. You say, the Nazis: World domination is what Hitler had on his mind. Territorial conquest. There was no Jesus. None. And they were famous for murder.”

Interesting fact: Hitler often used Christianity to support his horrific treatment and genocide of Jews.

Oh, and Christianity was also used to:

  • Support slavery.
  • Fight against desegregation.
  • Justify the Ku Klux Klan.
  • Oppose the legalization of interracial marriage.
  • Oppose the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

Another fact: The British we fought during the Revolutionary War were Christians – and if any grouping of people should have gone back to “where they came from” it should have been everyone in this country who wasn’t Native American. Just thought I’d throw that out there considering his reference to “the Brits” made even less sense then the rest of his pointless rambling.

But his speech is a perfect example of the lunacy and idiocy that drives conservative ideology. Outside of factually quoting CDC stats (which he still screwed up because in quoting the 110 million number from the CDC, he failed to mention that many of those included in that stat are people who contracted a curable STD) the rest of what he said was just pure nonsense.

Of course, none of these facts mattered. He received laughs and loud applause from almost everyone in attendance. Because it doesn’t matter if what someone like Robertson says during a speech like this makes any sense, all that matters is that it sounds good to the ears of those in attendance. They’re not looking for factual information or even cohesive thoughts, they’re just seeking partisan confirmation, and Robertson was happy to give them that.

If you really want to subject yourself to his incoherent ramblings you can watch the speech below, but be warned that you may lose a few IQ points along the way:

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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