Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson Gives Absurd CPAC Speech Showcasing True Conservative Ignorance

phil-robertson-cpacSomething I’ve always joked about is that my life would be much simpler if I was just a conservative. Instead of trying to understand science or deciphering complex problems to come up with rational solutions, I could just blindly applaud gibberish and nonsense as long as it was filled with plenty of conservative talking points and trigger words like “Constitution,” “the Bible” or “guns.”


The truth is, if I went in front of 5,000 conservatives and said the following statement:

Today we’re gathered here to champion the truth of the Constitution! We’re here to usher in patriotism in the good Christian-loving U.S. of A. and we’re not going home until the liberal media and those hippie communists feel the wrath of our Lord Almighty as our truth is forced upon them with a Bible in one hand and a gun in the other – God Bless America!

I would get a rousing, thunderous applause from basically every person in attendance.

There’s just one slight issue – what the hell does any of that even mean? I literally just typed in whatever conservative nonsense popped into my head. It’s a few lines of right-wing talking points that make no sense and have absolutely no point.

It doesn’t matter that the above statement was nothing but a random mixing of Republican talking points and trigger words, conservatives would cheer it nonetheless.

Another example of what I’m talking about was showcased perfectly during Phil Robertson’s bizarre speech at this year’s CPAC event. When one speech includes ramblings about STDs, Nazis, hippies and communists – that pretty much defines what it means to call something an “incoherent word salad.”

“I’m looking at it, and I said ‘I don’t want you, America, to get sick. I don’t want you to become ill. I don’t want you to come down with debilitating diseases,'” Robertson said of the CDC’s information saying that 110 million Americans have some form of STD.

Then he shifted the subject toward his belief that this nation was founded and built by religious people.

“You know what’s happened GOP? We’ve got too many any-others in the White House. It wasn’t written for them,” he said. “It wasn’t written for them.”

Funny, people like Robertson claim that this nation was founded on religion, yet they still can’t explain why there’s not a single mention of Christianity anywhere in our Constitution. Are these people really trying to say that as ultra-religious as they claim our Founding Fathers were, that these men just accidentally forgot to put any mention of Christianity in our nation’s most important document?

The truth is, the lack of any reference to Christianity in our Constitution wasn’t an accident, it was by design.


But then Robertson really started going off the rails.

“We had to have all three to run the Brits back to where they came from,” Robertson said. “We had to have all three when the Nazis reared their head. You say, the Nazis: World domination is what Hitler had on his mind. Territorial conquest. There was no Jesus. None. And they were famous for murder.”

Interesting fact: Hitler often used Christianity to support his horrific treatment and genocide of Jews.

Oh, and Christianity was also used to:

  • Support slavery.
  • Fight against desegregation.
  • Justify the Ku Klux Klan.
  • Oppose the legalization of interracial marriage.
  • Oppose the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

Another fact: The British we fought during the Revolutionary War were Christians – and if any grouping of people should have gone back to “where they came from” it should have been everyone in this country who wasn’t Native American. Just thought I’d throw that out there considering his reference to “the Brits” made even less sense then the rest of his pointless rambling.

But his speech is a perfect example of the lunacy and idiocy that drives conservative ideology. Outside of factually quoting CDC stats (which he still screwed up because in quoting the 110 million number from the CDC, he failed to mention that many of those included in that stat are people who contracted a curable STD) the rest of what he said was just pure nonsense.

Of course, none of these facts mattered. He received laughs and loud applause from almost everyone in attendance. Because it doesn’t matter if what someone like Robertson says during a speech like this makes any sense, all that matters is that it sounds good to the ears of those in attendance. They’re not looking for factual information or even cohesive thoughts, they’re just seeking partisan confirmation, and Robertson was happy to give them that.

If you really want to subject yourself to his incoherent ramblings you can watch the speech below, but be warned that you may lose a few IQ points along the way:





Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Sue Stack

    This is what happens when our education system is at an all time low. I see stupid people.

    • Susan Morris

      Who controls the education system??? Liberals who took God and morals out of the schools.

      • Sue Stack

        God has nothing to do with education. Asians are more intellect than most Americans and they don’t have GOD in their education. Go back to sleep.

  • felipe63

    Why isn’t this guy’s 15 minutes over yet?

  • hermanprovi

    Why do those radical conservatives allow that smelly hippie to address their hate fest?

    • Bob

      If you wanna see the hate fest, just read this very article!

  • Charles Vincent

    Oh, and Christianity was also used to:

    Support slavery. (by democrats)
    Fight against desegregation. (by democrats)
    Justify the Ku Klux Klan. (by democrats)
    Oppose the legalization of interracial marriage. (by democrats)
    Oppose the passage of the Civil Rights Act. (by democrats)

    Funny how you only slant it to make yourself look good Allen. Please take a long walk of a short pier.

    • D Lemon

      yes, we all know Lincoln was a republican and that until last century, Dems were pro-slavery. BFD. Doesn’t change the fact that conservatives are now trying to impose their raciast, homophobic version of Christianity on the country.

      • Charles Vincent

        Hypocrisy is ugly chief. Moreover racism as you use it is incorrect, since last time I check we are all humans the term racism doesn’t apply, bigotry yes but not racism.

    • Avatar

      And KKK is wholly embraced by today Republicans. 😛

      • Charles Vincent

        Really where is the proof of that?

      • Avatar

        It’s all over the Internet!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want to act like being stupid and ineptitude, feel free to stay that way.

      • Charles Vincent

        Yeah everything on the Internet is totally 100% true. Pony up the proof because you saying it’s true isn’t proof. For instance David Duke a democratic senator who was actually a documented member of the KKK and a grand wizard to boot.

      • Avatar

        David Duke did announced that he’s thinking about running as…. Drums roll please…. Republican. End of argument.

      • Charles Vincent

        He said he might run and if things don’t go how he want good luck with all that. And call me “if” he gets party support and wins chief. Moreover equating one massive retard to being the face of a party is piss poor argument ad doesn’t prove any part of or the whole party is KKK.

      • Bob

        If you truly believe that, then you can consider yourself a certified nut. You are one of the crazies that normal people watch out for.

      • Avatar

        Huh? Scalise was well known for advocate of KKK. Don’t know who he is? He’s No. 3 Republican pleb in the House of Representatives.

      • Bob

        There are crazies in any group of people that ever existed. You were saying that Republicans widely support the KKK, which is obviously absurd.

      • hermanprovi

        TALK TO SCALISE

    • Bob

      This article is nothing but hate speech.

      • Charles Vincent

        Not hate speech per se, more of a viewing of history through tinted glasses with feigned artistic flare.

    • hermanprovi

      TALK TO SCALISE!! AND THE current GROUP OF haters IN THE FASCIST WING OF THE REUGLYCAN PARTY!! THEN YOU GO FOR THAT WALK!

      • Charles Vincent

        You mean the guy that broke off his association with the KKK(EURO) and who was subsequently denounced by David duke for doing so? Learn to read, and caps is not cruise control for cool chief.

  • Avatar

    His show is about to fold. Without cash life support from Louisiana, it won’t survive.

  • sumame

    Had Duck Dynasty not been a tv show, we’d all be going “Phil who??”

  • Devin D.

    I enjoyed the shift from hate mongering speeches, to somewhat intelligent argument. However, England wasn’t “Christian” during the 17th century. They (like every other super-power of the time) were Catholic, and the colonies represented a rift apart from this religion. The colony of Maryland was THE ONLY colony representing Catholic beliefs, and the founder was quickly forced to hide thier beliefs of Catholicism.

    The Constitution bears no “mention of God”, because that would contradict their belief in a free Republic. The original colonies were founded by a multitude of diverse and influential groups, none of them sharing a similar religion (all similar in respects to God). They understood this, and took these differences into account during the Constitutional Convention. There were already many “Constitutions” fluttering amonst the colonies, and the separation of Church and State was widely accepted (because of the diversity). Yet, if we take a look at all of these influential leaders (John Locke, Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Jay, etc….), they reflect religion quite stoutly. The abolitionist movement was argued under John Locke’s unalienable rights concept. The first “major accomplishment” written of the abolitionist movement, was the acceptance of African Americans in the Episcopalian Church (as William Lloyd Garrison has written). Womens sufferage also stems from Locke’s beliefs. Abigail Adams (perhaps the greatest womens rights advocates) quite frequently argued her views according to religion. Lucy Knox did as well with her husband Henry Knox, and Henry Knox justified this in terms of religion as well. So many of the social implications of the time period reflect religion quite clearly. However, the colonies simply respected the differences of individuals, and created a separation of Church and State.

    • Charles Vincent

      The state meddled in church affairs though and creator could be synonymous with God.

      • Devin D.

        Of course, seeing as the multiple religious views all believed in God as the creator.

        I’ve noticed you are quite an advocate of intelligence, and commend you sir. Thank you for being above the unintelligible gibberish that is now politics. Have a good evening.

        Sincerely,
        Devin D

    • BobJThompson

      Psst. Catholics are Christians.

      • Devin D.

        … No, no they are not.

      • BobJThompson

        They believe in the divinity of Christ and get baptized in his name. That’s Christian.

      • Devin D.

        I see the logic in your statement; however, I would have to disagree on the basis of practice and specific belief.

        Many Christians do not acknowledge the fact of baptism as a necessity of entering the Lords kingdom. On the other hand, Episcopalian, and Catholic beliefs state you MUST be baptized in the name of the Lord to enter Heaven. However, they also differ on many social issues as well (abortion, death penalty, contraceptives, etc…..) There are Lutherans, Non-Denominational, Christian, Episcopalian, and many many more forms of “Christianity.” If you still don’t understand what I’m trying to get at, let me take another approach on the matter.

        Republicans and Democrats are two VERY different political entities in the United States. However, we may analyze the bi-partisan system governing the two, and assert the commonality of the two being American, could we not?

        This could go on for however long you wish to generalize a group, and you could eventually lead to just about anything being similar in regards to this logic.

      • BobJThompson

        Just because you don’t agree with them doesn’t make them not Christian. Believing Jesus is the son of God is what makes someone Christian. Not what other things they interpret from the Bible. That’s why there are so many sects.

      • Devin D.

        Just as all living creatures breathe. Just as every human has skin. Just as a rock and the sun have atoms.

        Relating a single commonality in the absence of the vast differences… is unjust. Catholic and Episcopalian denominations celebrate Advent, while no other “branch of Christianity” does? Catholic traditions praise Mass, while non-denominational Christians feel man needs to interpret the Bible in his own accord.

        These are some major differences Mr. Thompson, and must not be ignored. I hate to explicitly state you are quite simply wrong, but you are leaving me no choice. I can respect a point of view supported by logical reasoning, but I’m simply not able to understand where you are coming from?

        As my friend Charles Vincet has informed me, this is a matter of ignoratio elenchi, meaning the issue at hand honestly holds no relevance to any extent. It presents no grounds for the termination of my argument initially presented, and I do not wish to squabble back and forth on the topic. I appreciate your time sir, and have a wonderful evening.

        Sincerely,
        Devin D

  • mrjet51

    There aren’t enough beds in the psych wards for these creatures.

  • Devin D.

    Oh, and slandering Christianity, simply on the grounds Hitler was Christian, is pretty (pardon my language) bullshit. Its like me stating because Hitler was a human, humanity reflects this “malum in se.” I can appreciate an argument of religion, but that’s just absolutely insulting.

  • Bob

    Oh boy, a bunch of made-up anti-Christian spewing… Protip: no Christian gives a rat’s ass about the garbage you spewed here. It would be equivalent to me calling you a “butthead”. See? You don’t care at all. That’s how I feel after having skimmed a few lines of this “article” (a.k.a. hate speech). Not that I agree with everything Robertson says. But you use him as an excuse to unleash your hatred. It’s funny that so called “progressives” (progress towards what exactly?) think of themselves as the less hateful ones. That simply is not true.