Edward Snowden Considers Turning Himself In After Hearing that Sarah Palin Defended Him

palin-snowdenIt appears Sarah Palin can still make a difference after all.

Sources claiming to have had minimal, erratic contact with Edward Snowden have said that he’s considering turning himself in after Sarah Palin came to his defense, taking his side on many of the same issues.

They’re reporting that not only is he contemplating turning himself in, but he’s also having a change of heart about leaking classified information concerning the NSA’s secret surveillance programs.

Apparently, he thinks that Sarah Palin taking his side on these issues clearly means that he must have been out of his mind to have leaked any of this information to begin with.

A source close to Snowden said his reaction to hearing that Ms. Palin had come to his defense went as follows:

“Sarah Palin said what?!  She came to my defense?  What the hell have I done?  I might have made a terrible mistake.  This can’t be happening to me.”

Though it remains unclear whether or not Snowden will return to the United States out of fear that Palin might continue to come to his defense, a leading intelligence expert chimed in, saying, “When a woman with no intelligence whatsoever comes to your defense on issues such as national security, privacy and secret intelligence, it’s bound to make an individual such as Edward Snowden potentially regret his decision and turn himself in—before she does it again and risks tarnishing his reputation for good.”

One thing is for sure — Mr. Snowden has a choice to make.

Does he continue to stay on the run, evading United States authorities, and risk having Sarah Palin come to his defense once again?  Or does he turn himself in, return to the United States and risk possible life in prison or even death?

Sarah Palin’s continued support — or — possibly face life in prison/death….

It’s truly a question that I can’t answer.

Because—this story is 100% satire.  I highly doubt Edward Snowden regrets his decision or would turn himself in just to avoid another Sarah Palin endorsement.  This article simply meant to poke fun at Sarah Palin (often an easy task), and in no way represents any feelings I have about Mr. Snowden or his actions.  That article is coming soon.

Though I do know that if Sarah Palin came to my defense on something involving intelligence—I might have to strongly reconsider my position.  But that’s just me. 

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Jesse Bowen

    I wasn’t actually sure if this was satire until you said it. I’d honestly feel the same way tbh.

  • mbowers

    comical…very comical.

  • Nancy Graff Aidinian

    I don’t like satire like this from Forward Progressives, because it makes the cause of the left, less credible. Stop it FP. There is enough reality to poke fun at, you don’t have to manufacture it.

    • ZekeTX

      Agreed. It makes this site totally lose credibility, which is unfortunate because there are so few news sites that can be taken seriously anymore. Guess FP is now one of them. 🙁

    • dtsinidaho

      It was pretty obvious that it was satiracle in nature from the beginning. But for further reference FP… next time do a

    • dtsinidaho

      One of the major negatives about the progressives is the lack of a sense of humor. It is used well by conservatives to prove their point. Think about the most listened to, requoted liberal in the media….. John Stewart on the Comedy Channel. No, humor is MORE than appropriate in pointing out the foibles of the conservatives.

  • chris

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this site mostly news? If so, I’d avoid posting satire in the future. While it gave me a chuckle, it slightly undermines your credibility. I should know if I’m getting satire or news before I click the link, unless you’re just baiting.

  • Jim Tarvin

    haha

  • robbyoconnor

    I suspected this was satire…though I’d feel the same way LOL.

  • James Bleyer

    Agree with the other posters….totally out of place.

  • I Once Was Andrew

    I’m okay with satire, but this wasn’t very good.

  • Cherie Fleming

    This man isn’t done crushing us. He doesn’t deserve any satirical articles on his behalf. He’s systematically putting us all in grave danger by visiting each nation that would love to see us all fried, one at a time.

  • JoAnne

    This was not funny. Really. There is no logic in it: a woman with no intelligence comes to the defense of an intelligence expert and this causes him to have a change of heart on his decision to flee extradition? wow…where did this come from? what Snowden did is very serious. he is fighting for his life at the moment right before our eyes. i can’t find humour in this. it’s tragic.

  • russ

    i agree w/ Nancy – there is so much mis-information out there, lets not be republican in how we speak out. Let the bumbling idiots hang themselves.

  • wtf

    Why would you post satire on a news site about a current controversial issue? I don’t understand how people make these horrible decisions and they make it to the published status…

  • Nancy B

    Thanks for the smile. Please get over it people. The best news and opinion outlets print satirical pieces every once in a while.

    • Christopher Salihe Payne

      They should post it at the top, then. Some of us aren’t interested in reading things that are satirical especially considering it’s impossible to tell the difference. Anytime I read a story that seems especially over the top now, I automatically scroll to the bottom to see if it puts a satire disclaimer. There’s only one about half the time, which really calls into question the need for satire anymore. When the only way to tell for sure is a disclaimer, it transitions into becoming a simple waste of time.

      • Nancy B

        If you couldn’t tell from the headline, I feel sorry for you.

      • Wendy Beckman Scharrer

        I agree Christopher…you just want the truth and if they do this stuff, we look just as bad as their sites

    • theabby

      i agree w/ you!! LOL

  • Rico

    You really are delusional, Id like to see proof Snowden said anything about Sarah Palin.

  • Frost

    All of you need to stop your whining.

    • theabby

      Yeah, right? I thought it was funny because it could have been true!

  • zeebon

    I thought I was on The Onion for a moment, but a few sentences in I figured it out. Michelle Bachman/Sarah Palin 2016 !

  • Sam I-Am

    Critics are OK. And I understand, even sympathize a tiny little bit – But you gotta just love it when a News Person (If you will) is pokin some funnies at a Political Wannabe 3 times a loser freak show artist. Now if he’d of done this little funny tale without flat out labeling it as (—this story is 100% satire– ) Why I must say, even then I’d be just laughing — Let’s be honest, most every News Story of Sara Palin has been comic relief (At Least For Me).

    Now, when she was running for being a heart attack away from POTUS, that’s my dear Folks Was Not Funny – That was Horrifying.

  • Wendy Beckman Scharrer

    I really enjoyed reading all of your comments. it is total proof that we actually do like facts, and that we do not jump on every article because it says something we want to be true…thanks guys

    • Wendy Beckman Scharrer

      it is kind of funny

  • Zack Sisson

    That doesnt sound fake at all…not one bit.

    …is this the Onion?

  • hiatt111

    Credibility? Since when have the libs EVER been concerned about credibility? Good Lawd, the irony of using the words “progressives” and “credibility” in the same sentence is overwhelming. Trust me, Libs are certainly not considered credible so I don’t think this little article will make much of a difference.

  • jamesarthur

    Leave the satire up to the Onion and the Daily Courant.