Gun Nuts up in arms over man shooting a squirrel in the suburbs

SquirrelGun Nuts are different than gun owners. For example, Gun Nuts are the people who slithered into Nevada to “defend” Ted Cliven Bundy and his mooching ways. Ted Nugent is a Gun Nut. John Lott and Larry Pratt and oh yes Wayne LaPierre are Gun Nuts. Gun owners are sane, rational people, who understand that there are certain things you simply do not do with a firearm. Like shoot at a squirrel, with a gun, in the suburbs where you could potentially miss, and hit another human being.

Enter James Toigo, of Milford, Connecticut. Mr. Toigo, who I think we can all agree might qualify as a Gun Nut, was arrested on Monday, April 14 for shooting a squirrel in his backyard. He has been charged with, among other things, animal cruelty, reckless endangerment, and failure to register an assault rifle. As you may recall, Connecticut recently enacted some of the toughest gun laws in the country, because Connecticut lawmakers obviously have more courage than Congress. Mr. Toigo may have missed the memo, because according to police, he shot a tree rodent in his backyard.

Gun Nuts are very upset that James Toigo was arrested. In their world, this is wrong, it’s a sign of OBAMA’S COMING FOR MAH GUNS (it’s been five freaking years, let it go already), and Mr. Toigo should be able to shoot at squirrels wherever the hell he wants. See a squirrel skipping through the parking lot at the local mall? Shoot it. At a park? Shoot it. Outside a local school? Shoot it. Except, no, you can’t do that, but Gun Nuts are completely ignoring the part of Toigo’s story that is the most disturbing. He shot a squirrel, with a gun, in a suburban neighborhood.

This entire event was brought to my attention by my stepson. As a parent, he was outraged when, using Google maps, he was able to take a look at the backyard in which James Toigo fired at a squirrel. Toigo doesn’t live in the middle of a field, or on acres and acres of land; he lives here. He is surrounded by homes, families with children, pets, other people. And it is in this neighborhood that James Toigo whipped out a firearm, and shot a squirrel.

To a Gun Nut, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what Toigo did. Gun Nuts want to meander along city streets, semi-automatic weapons draped lovingly across their backs, or holstered to their Confederate flag belt, or heck, grasped in their patriotic hands. Gun Nuts do not understand that firing a gun in the suburbs is dangerous, and in most states, illegal. There’s a darn good reason for that: You have no idea where the bullet will go. Cristian Manzano was shooting at a target in his backyard when a bullet from his firearm struck a 9-year old girl in the head. The girl was inside her home, and the bullet traveled through a kitchen window. Manzano was arrested and charged with causing serious bodily injury to a child, and “discharging a firearm in a municipality greater than 100,000 residents.”

But that’s not what matters, the Gun Nuts cry. What matters is libruls are coming for mah guns, and we need a Second American Revolution, and I know my Glock can take out a Blackhawk helicopter because Alex Jones says… oh my GOD make it stop. What James Toigo did is illegal, dangerous, and incredibly stupid. What Cristian Manzano did is illegal, dangerous, and incredibly stupid. Thank goodness (or luck) that Toigo didn’t hurt any people during his rodent slaughtering spree; we cannot say the same for Manzano. This all might support the belief of many that the primary reason Gun Nuts are so terrified of universal background checks is they couldn’t pass one.

Squirrels are annoying. We had an entire herd of them, living in the backyard of our Vermont house. One morning, I looked out the kitchen window and saw a squirrel, standing on its little hind legs, eating my tulips. Not the bulbs, the actual tulips. I ran out of the house, in my bathrobe, screaming “Get away from there, you bleeping tree rat!” Never in a million years would I have shot it. Our neighbors on the right had twin toddlers, our neighbors on the left had already been visited by a SWAT team (that was an interesting afternoon), there were dogs in backyards, and kids playing across the street. What kind of idiot thinks it’s perfectly fine to shoot a squirrel in the suburbs?

It’s harder to buy Sudafed than it is to buy a gun in America. Thanks to websites like Armslist, felons can buy guns. Gun Nuts were horrified by the Supreme Court ruling that strengthened the laws keeping guns out of the hands of people convicted of domestic violence. Most Americans cheered the decision, but not the Gun Nuts. They see this as a gun grab, Obama’s coming (you know the rest), infringement on their Second Amendment rights, etc. We need more guns, not less, don’t lock ’em up, keep them on you at all times, in your shower, in the car, in bars, churches, everywhere.

You can’t shoot a squirrel in the suburbs, you can’t shoot a target in your backyard in the suburbs, and thank you SCOTUS, for helping keep guns out of the hands of abusers. Now, can we do anything about keeping guns out of the hands of Gun Nuts?

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.

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