Here’s Nearly Everything Crazy Conservatives Have to Believe to be a Republican

When you really sit there and think about what it means to be a conservative who supports the Republican Party, it takes a quite a bit of effort. To believe the absolutely crazy things most of them actually think are true — which is a requirement to say you support today’s GOP — takes a level of insanity that’s either a willful act of ignorance to think this right-wing propaganda is real, or legitimate mental instability that probably needs professional help.

Just to be a Donald Trump supporter must be exhausting.

Since I’m a huge proponent of putting things into context, I thought I’d list some of the crazy garbage conservatives need to believe in order to be a modern day Republican or Trump supporter.

They need to believe:

  • Barack Obama is a Muslim despite absolutely no credible evidence proving he practices Islam.
  • Obama managed to forge a birth announcement, two forms of government-issued birth certificates, and fool every government entity that would be able to easily verify the authenticity of his birth.
  • Bill and Hillary Clinton have spent years running a criminal enterprise yet have never been caught or officially charged with a crime.
  • Thousands of people in all 50 states, including lawyers and members of both parties, at every level of government, coordinated together in the biggest conspiracy in human history when they allowed “millions and millions” of people to vote illegally during last year’s election — and not a single person involved has come forward to admit this took place.
  • Every news entity in the world, including Fox News and the rest of the conservative media, have conspired to conceal the video footage of the “thousands and thousands” of Muslims Trump claimed he personally witnessed celebrating the 9/11 attack in the streets of New Jersey.
  • Everyone at the FBI coordinated with Obama’s State Department to clear Hillary Clinton of any criminal charges related to her private email server — and the Republican-controlled Congress is also in on it considering they’ve yet to launch a formal investigation into her emails as many said they promised to do had she been elected.
  • Along with the massive criminal enterprise the Clintons have run for years, if not decades, they’ve also had several people killed — yet have never once been charged with murder or conspiracy to commit murder.
  • Multiple law enforcement agencies, in several states, as well as at the federal level — spanning decades and numerous presidential administrations — are all apart of some conspiracy to keep the Clintons out of prison.
  • The on-going FBI investigation into Trump’s campaign is part of some elaborate “deep state” conspiracy trying to undermine his “presidency” that’s managed to infiltrate the current Department of Justice, staffed by his own people and run by his own Attorney General Jeff Sessions — who recused himself only after concealing meetings he didn’t disclose with Russian officials.
  • Special counselor Robert Mueller has convinced everyone at the FBI, and the Department of Justice, again, staffed by Trump’s people, to coordinate with him to dig up dirt on the “president” as part of a “witch hunt” to bring his administration down.
  • Nearly every news entity on the planet is part of some elaborate “liberal media” conspiracy working against conservatives and the right-wing media, the same individuals who tell you that they’re the only people you can trust (a classic con artist tactic) and that they’re the only beacons of facts and truth.
  • For the first time in human history, the KKK, neo-Nazis, and white nationalists — all groups of people who enthusiastically support Trump — are on the right side of history.
  • As Trump frequently claimed before “winning” last year’s election, all the positive economic data during most of Obama’s presidency was “fake,” “phony,” or a “hoax” yet it’s all 100 percent real now — even though it’s nearly identical to the same data we saw for most of the past few years.
  • Democrats have been engaging in rampant wide-spread voter fraud for years — despite absolutely no evidence that this has occurred — yet Republicans still control most state legislatures, governorships, the House, Senate, and the White House.
  • The NSA, CIA, FBI, and all other U.S. intelligence agencies are wrong when they say Russia was behind the cyber attack against our election last year, but Vladimir Putin, the man who ordered it, is being honest when he says his country did no such thing.
  • Donald Trump isn’t a racist, bigot, or fraud despite settling a lawsuit with the Department of Justice on accusations that his company was racially discriminating against minorities, being found guilty of setting up a fake anti-gambling organization that used blatant racism to slander Native Americans, and settled another lawsuit for $25 million with people who accused him of setting up a fake university to scam people out of thousands of dollars.
  • Obama lived under a fake alias for years.
  • Obama never went to Harvard or Columbia which is why he won’t allow his college transcripts to be unsealed by the universities.
  • Around 97 percent of the world’s scientists are part of a massive global conspiracy to push the liberal (or Chinese) “hoax” of global warming.
  • The best way to make the middle class stronger is by giving rich people more money.

And that’s not even half of all the foolishness and outlandish conspiracies a person has to believe in order to call themselves a modern-day Republican. Over the last few years, things have become so ridiculous among conservatives that I really have forgotten more than I can remember.

As Ted Koppel told Sean Hannity not too long ago, we’ve reached a point in society where millions of people have determined that their political ideology matters more than fact.

That’s a rather terrifying realization.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter or Facebook and let me know what you think.

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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