In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last few days, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) officially declared that he’s running for president in 2016. The news came as a shock to almost nobody considering the Texas senator has essentially been campaigning for president since the day he was elected to Congress in 2012.
Not surprisingly, Jon Stewart had plenty to say about Cruz’s first presidential campaign speech.
He aired several clips showing the Texas senator rehearsing parts of his speech, including such complicated tasks as waving and kissing his wife. No, really… Cruz rehearsed waving and kissing his wife.
“I may owe Mitt Romney an apology,” Stewart said. “Even the Mitt Romneytron 3000 didn’t have to rehearse waving and kissing.”
Next he brought up the fact that students at Liberty University were required to attend Cruz’s speech. Some of them apparently did so in protest, as a few Rand Paul shirts were seen in the audience.
But perhaps the best part of the speech (because of how hypocritical it was) came after Cruz went off about how he’s a lover of small government and protecting privacy, then proceeded to tell the audience to take out their cellphones and text “Constitution” to a number he provided to them – not informing them that they would be signing up for text alerts for campaign propaganda.
“Let me clarify this a little bit: students at Liberty University were required to attend a partisan political speech where a small-government conservative who had just promised he would respect privacy rights, told them if they cared about freedom, text your information to a mysterious address that collects your cell phone number for undisclosed purposes,” Stewart mocked.
So, let’s summarize:
- He had to rehearse such things as kissing his wife and waving.
- His speech was staged at a location where the audience was forced to attend.
- Even though he’s a senator from Texas, he made his first presidential campaign speech in Virginia.
- He basically tricked students at Liberty University into signing up for propaganda from his campaign.
- Just to top it off, he had to go with TedCruz.org as his presidential campaign website because TedCruz.com was already taken by a supporter of President Obama. (As a bonus, TedCruzForAmerica.com and TedCruzForLiberty.com are pretty good as well.)
He is so incredibly ridiculous that even the most creative of writers would struggle to come up with satire that comes close to the actual things Cruz says and does. He is like a walking caricature of what a politician is supposed to be. I honestly can’t believe there are millions of people who take him seriously. Hell, even many within his own party don’t take him seriously.
While Cruz’s presidential announcement wasn’t exactly over-the-top, or any more ridiculous than anything else he’s said numerous times over the last few years, it was the perfect launch to possibly the most ridiculous presidential campaign many of us will witness in our lifetimes.
Watch Stewart’s segment below via Comedy Central:
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