Jon Stewart Slams Republican Stupidity in Texas, Asks ‘What Would Jesus Shoot?’ (Video)

jon-stewart-texas-1Being a liberal in Texas isn’t easy. I’m constantly surrounded by people who literally seem to make up reality as they go along. Many of these people see facts as opinions and believe the Bible is more credible than science books.

Needless to say, I get frustrated from time to time.

Well, on last night’s episode of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart perfectly slammed the ridiculousness of many Texas Republicans. While talking about what he believes is a pipe dream by some Democrats to turn Texas blue, he pointed out how radical Greg Abbott (likely our next governor) and Dan Patrick (likely our next lieutenant governor) are. How can Texas possibly be “turning blue” in the near future when these two jackasses are not just going to win – but win by a landslide? 

First he pointed out how Greg Abbott once posted the popular internet meme that shows a gun and a Bible with the caption: “Two things every American should know how to use, neither of which are taught in schools.” He also once said that Democrats posed more of a threat to Texas than North Korea.

“Isn’t it time your kid’s teacher asked the question, ‘What would Jesus Shoot?'” Stewart asked, mocking Abbott’s gun and Bible post.

Then he turned his attention to Dan Patrick; a man who believes that creationism should be taught in school, wants to end the popular election of U.S. senators and wants to ban any and all abortions – even when the pregnancy is a result of rape.

“You couldn’t be redder than that guy if you took Clifford the Big Red Dog and shoved him into the Devil’s rectum,” Stewart said of Patrick. “That’s as red as red can red.”

Then we can’t forget Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) who recently said gays shouldn’t serve in our military because they would be too obsessed with getting massages from someone of the same sex, weakening our military. And he was dead serious.

The sad part is, these candidates don’t just win – they’re winning by huge margins.

But a big part of the reason for that is many conservatives in Texas don’t know who they’re voting for. They see a few campaign ads, vote straight-ticket Republican and call it a day. I’m willing to bet that 90 percent of the women who’ll vote for Dan Patrick this year have no idea that he opposes abortions even when the woman was raped. And I’m positive that around 7 out of 10 conservatives don’t know more than two things about Greg Abbott’s platform.

And when it comes to Greg Abbott, get ready to hear a lot more about him very soon. If you think Rick Perry is bad, you haven’t seen anything yet. Abbott is going to make Perry look like a moderate by comparison.

Texas is on the verge of becoming possibly the most radically right-wing state in the country. With a soon-to-be governor who makes George W. Bush look like a Democrat, a lieutenant governor who honestly believes that humans and dinosaurs walked the Earth together, and downright imbeciles such as Louie Gohmert and Ted Cruz.

It turns my stomach to even think about it.

And if liberals not just in Texas, but all over this country don’t start getting off their asses and voting – Republicans are going to take this country over.

I just really hope we don’t let that happen.

Watch the segment below via Comedy Central:

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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