Let’s see a show of hands for all the married folks who served pizza at their wedding. Come on, don’t be shy. Did Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana do the catering? Is this an Indiana tradition, serving pizza at a wedding? The owners of Memories Pizza support the new and horrible Religious Freedom Restoration Act 100%, and to prove it, they are publicly stating they refuse to cater gay weddings. Because when gay couples are researching their menus, the first thing I’m sure they say is “Oh, we should totally serve pizza to all our friends and family. Screw the maple-glazed salmon, haricots vert, jasmine rice, and spinach salad with candied walnuts! We’re having deep-dish pizza with extra cheese!”
Seriously, if this is an Indiana thing, I apologize for my food snobbery. But if it isn’t, what are Chrystal O’Connor and her dad, Kevin, so freaking worried about? You can’t find a menu for Hateful Memories Pizza online, but I would bet they have a pizza with bacon. Leviticus, the same book that fundamentalists quote every damn time they want to “prove” it’s okay to hate gay people, also has this to say about eating pork:
And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you. (Leviticus 11: 7-8)
Bacon is a pork product. Therefore, if Bad Memories Pizza has a anything on their menu with bacon, or pork of any kind, they are violating the same book they use to defend their bigotry. If Kevin O’Connor wears polyester, he’s violating the bible. If Chrystal is unmarried, and has had sex, she qualifies for a stoning. If that restaurant is open on Saturdays, they are violating the fourth commandment “Keep the Sabbath holy.” But pssh on the Bible, the only thing people like the O’Connors care about is the part about HOMOS. Homo sex is icky, and therefore, the O’Connor’s pizza cannot ever be eaten at a gay wedding.
My editor Manny Schewitz sent me the link to this story, accompanied by the comment “What self-respecting gay couple would ask for pizza for their wedding?” I would add, what self-respecting couple period would ask for pizza for their wedding? Again, if this something that happens often in Indiana, I apologize. For both my comments, and if it’s something that happens often in Indiana. Guests dressed to the nines, with pizza sauce dribbling onto their silk ties and jacquard dresses. Oh yes, that sounds delightful.
Kevin O’Connor told a local news station:
That lifestyle is something they choose. I choose to be heterosexual. They choose to be homosexual. Why should I be beat over the head to go along with something they choose?
Kevin chose to be heterosexual. Really. When? Kevin, at what age did you consciously decide to be heterosexual? Eleven? Fifteen? Where were you when you said “Hey. I think I’ll be attracted to women not men because boobs are awesome,” and chose that life? Was it when you chose to cherry pick the Bible?
You know what all this reminds me of, this whining by right wing Christians about “the gays?” Toddlers. Parents, think back to when your child was about three years old. Remember taking that child to the store, or the mall, and the child would want everything he or she saw? And when you said “No, you can’t have that/don’t need that,” the child would become enraged, screaming, fussing, whirling about, making noises that sounded as if you were driving a nail into their eyeball? Because you were persecuting them by not letting have their way. Seriously, if toddlers knew the word persecute, they would look parents in the eye and bellow “YOU ARE PERSECUTING ME BY NOT LETTING ME HAVE THAT MATCHBOX CAR/CANDY/STUFFED ANIMAL.”
The good news is, toddlers grow up. They stop wanting everything, they stop believing that not getting their way is the same thing as being murdered or thrown in a gulag. The bad news is, right wing Christians have grown up, and they still confuse not getting their way with persecution. The O’Connors feel that gay marriage somehow impacts their lives, when in fact, it doesn’t. The gay agenda isn’t what fundies think it is, there’s no such thing as a homo demon, and conservative states watch a lot of porn. Blue states do, too, but the fact that red states supposedly belong to the self-professed “party of family values” makes their porn habits much more interesting. And what are the odds of gay porn being included popping up on computers in those red states? Pretty good, you betcha! Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Memories Pizza is being absolutely trashed on Yelp! reviews. Also, don’t a Google image search for Memories Pizza from your work computer, Manny made that unfortunate mistake. You’ve been warned.
Last time anyone checked, right wing Christians were not being rounded up at gunpoint and imprisoned, or killed, or discriminated against. The government hasn’t banned Christianity, churches are still tax-exempt, Christians can still wear crucifixes around their necks, put those Jesus fish on their SUVs, and go on television, talking about how they refuse to cater a gay wedding because White Jesus. So where the hell is all this persecution? You want persecution? Listen to the stories told by LGBT teens whose families throw them onto the streets for being themselves. Learn about Justin Aaberg, or Jamey Rodemeyer, or Tyler Clementi, or Harvey Milk, or Samantha Johnson. Watch Steve Snyder-Hill‘s military service get ignored by Republican presidential candidates. Read about Leelah Alcorn. Research what ISIS does to gay men.
Then grow the hell up.