Michele Bachmann Announces She Is Not Seeking Re-election (Cue the Celebration)

michelebachmannIn a “special announcement” made to her supporters (at 2 in the morning local time), Michele Bachmann has announced that she will not be seeking re-election for a 5th term in Minnesota’s 6th Congressional district. The announcement came just hours after being called out yet again by local media for misleading her supporters in a campaign ad she had been airing (yes, she’s been airing campaign ads locally in Minnesota for weeks now — 18 months before next year’s election).

If you can stomach the rambling, almost 9 minute announcement video, here it is (at least she’s looking into the proper camera):

Bachmann makes all sorts of excuses as to why she’s decided not to seek re-election, but of course the fact that she’s under investigation for possible campaign finance violations has absolutely nothing to do with it. Oh, and she makes it known that she’d easily win re-election over Jim Graves if she had decided to go through with it — even though she barely eked out a victory over him last year, and that was before her scandal surfaced. Pay no attention to the newest poll which showed Graves with a 47 percent to 45 percent lead in the potential rematch.

This is absolutely fabulous news for not just Democrats, not just Independents, but sane people everywhere. No matter what she decides to do, this is a win-win situation. If she decides to run against Senator Al Franken for his Senate seat next year, she’ll get crushed. Franken has been extremely popular in Minnesota, and the latest PPP poll had him beating Bachmann 55 percent to 38 percent in a potential Senate match-up. In other words — let her run. I think the vast majority of Minnesotans would get a kick out of Franken embarrassing Bachmann in the debates, and the final result would be an easy victory.

This is of course assuming she’s not in jail before then. With the FBI and other agencies investigating her possible involvement in shady financial transactions during her failed presidential run, it’s a distinct possibility that she’s concerned about more details coming out — and she’s trying to stay ahead of the ballgame by making it clear now that she won’t seek re-election.

Then of course there’s always the possibility that she’ll go the way of Jim DeMint and seek out a job with an organization like The Heritage Foundation. This might be the least exciting of her three possible options, but I’d take it. As long as she’s off the House Intelligence Committee and in no position to be making decisions which affect us all, we should be fully supportive. She’s already getting bankrolled by the Kochs as it is, might as well make it on the up and up.

No matter what Bachmann decides to do, as Craig Ferguson would say, “It’s a great day for America everybody!” The sooner she’s relegated to fill-in Fox News guest and regular Rush Limbaugh contributor — with no political power to go along with it — the better. Say “hello” to Sarah Palin on the other side of irrelevancy, Michele, because you’re going to be occupying that lonely spot with her soon enough!

Thomas Barr

Thomas Barr

Thomas Barr is a writer, editor and activist who's passionate about progressive ideals, with extra attention given to the fight for universal health care, medical marijuana, and saving our nation from decades of devastating trickle-down policies. Thomas is also a dedicated advocate for Type 1 diabetes research and education.
Be sure to check out his archives on Forward Progressives for more of his viewpoints.
Thomas Barr


Facebook comments

  • John Cresswell-Plant

    Are either a U.S. Senate seat or the Governorship up for Election in Minnesota next November?

    • W Lane Startin

      Al Franken and Mark Dayton are both up, but I’d say they’re both looking pretty safe, Bachmann or no Bachmann.

      • John Cresswell-Plant

        Sorry but as a Brit who/which/what are they? That is which one’s who?

      • W Lane Startin

        Al Franken (the same Al Franken of SNL fame) is a Democratic US Senator from Minnesota. Mark Dayton is the Democratic Governor of Minnesota. Technically they’re both members of the Democratic–Farmer–Labor Party (DFL), which is what the Democrats call themselves in Minnesota and nowhere else. They’re weird like that.

      • moonkat51

        I don’t think it’s weird. I like the sound of it!

  • Ninya

    Yay! One wing-nut down! More to go! Next in line for demolition: Darrell Issa

    • Although any man who dyes his hair an unnatural color of black like he does will take some convincing.

  • motorfingaz

    She’s being investigated and karma is catching up with her!


    I wonder how they convinced her not to run – somebody must have told her what all those numbers were about!

  • Sparks13

    Her god told her she destined for bigger things. He’s moving her to a new planet where gays can’t marry.

    • Brian Daugherty

      I’ll buy her rocket ticket.

  • Jo Hargis

    “…seek out a job with an organization like The Heritage Foundation.” I don’t see that happening right now. The last thing an outfit like Heritage wants right now is attention from some crazy ranting religious bigot. I can’t shake the idea that one does not go from full-out campaigning to retiring in a heartbeat unless something is coming down the pike, about to drop on her head.

    Gawd almighty this has made my day! The collective IQ of Congress will rise by 30 points the minute she exits the doors of Congress for the last time.

    • Terry Johnson

      yes, exactly what Jo Hargis said

    • The Heritage Foundation is a a group of crazy ranting religious bigots (like their president, Jim Demint). People with moral and ethics have nothing to do with the Heritage Foundation.

  • tifosies

    Next stop: the legs chair on RedEye!

  • Tino Faygo

    Anyone else laugh their asses off when she said “and I have always in the past defeated candidates that were capable, qualified and well funded” In my mind i was thinking and instead the people got you hahaha. Also, 100 hour weeks? really? You lying whore. There is only 168 hours in the week you do not work almost 2/3 of that time. Unless you consider work checking conspiracy websites on Obama as work. You work less than 200 days a year and get paid 7 times as much as I make now. If any work was actually involved you would be f*cked. I THANK GOD she is gonna be gone. And I am an atheist haha.

    • moonkat51

      Your last two sentences made me laugh because I thanked god though I’m an atheist too.

    • Socialmedic

      I shut the thing off when she said he had the public interest at heart, what a load of bunk!

  • Baby_Raptor

    Wow. There *might* be a god…

  • lindylou

    Yup. She has a future with Heritage, or Focus on Family, or the Family Research Council or any other of those awful groups. She will kick it off with a special appearance on the 700 Club with that wondrous sage of religion, Pat Robberson.

    • moonkat51

      I don’t think they’d want her. She is poison now.

  • fluffylucy

    Maybe she could run away and join the circus.

    • Socialmedic

      … She’d be better employed in a haunted house or as one of the attractions a wax museum.

  • CharlieH

    Bye-bye crazy lady!! It’s a blessing to this country that you never hold office again….say hi to Sarah for us at Crazy Bitch Hotel! LOL

  • BK

    Maybe she is getting a divorce and looking to marry SARAH PALIN as the new laws in Minn. now allow. What ever, as long as she is gone……………..

  • Socialmedic

    Maybe there is a God, after all.

  • MeAndJuliaDownByTheSchoolYard

    I think you can safely say that the whole world would enjoy watching Franken destroy this dimwit in a Senate battle.

  • Raymond Phillips

    Woo Hoo…THE BITCH IS GONE!!!

  • loisinla

    well, that’s 8 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Bachmann..shut up and just go.

  • kman

    Wing Nut Not a Clue

  • To Quote Borderlands 2 “every time she speaks I can feel my brain cells commiting suicide one by one” thank God she is leaving, Though she is right leaving congress is the best thing she could do for the country.

  • ks

    buh bye crazy pants

  • lutemul

    Bachmann: Blah blah blah blah blah.