My Five New Year’s Resolutions for Republicans

turnofffoxnewsThe arrival of the new year brings about several certainties.  I can pretty much guarantee I’ll struggle for the next several months remembering to put “2014” on things that require dates, the gym will be packed with people I won’t ever see there again in a few weeks, and nothing will change when it comes to the Republican party.

In fact, any change I do see forthcoming seems to be headed in the opposite direction.  Tea party Republicans are gathering their forces to take on “established” Republicans with a vengeance this primary season, hoping to push their party even further to the right.

So, in the spirit of the new year I thought I’d offer up five of my own New Year’s resolutions I think Republicans should try to follow — though I know they never will.

But hey, it’s worth a shot, right?

Let’s go!

#5 Learn the difference between being “fiscally responsible” and being a “fiscal conservative”:  Fiscally responsible means spending money, but being smart about spending money.  Calling yourself a “fiscal conservative” is just a title used by the GOP to make you think that they’re being fiscally responsible — but they’re not.  If I’m wrong, please show me where a Republican president has balanced the budget in the last fifty years.  You can’t, because none of them have.  Even the “conservative hero” Ronald Reagan nearly quadrupled the national debt.  And let’s not forget your party continues to support billions in free government money (oil subsidies) to big oil companies that continue to earn record profits.

Oh, and cutting taxes has nothing to do with “fiscal responsibility.”  In fact, cutting taxes like Bush did — then starting two wars — is the exact opposite of being fiscally responsible.

#4 Stop supporting Rush Limbaugh: Rush Limbaugh is like trying to sell a VHS tape in a world of Blu-ray and streaming — it’s outdated, useless and has no business being around in 2013.

Look, if you want to pretend to call yourself the party for the “moral majority,” you can’t continue to support a multiple adulterer, bigot, racist, male chauvinist, drug abusing fear-mongerer like Rush Limbaugh.

His shtick might have been relevant years ago when our society was much less evolved, but the fact your party still continues to support his ignorance only proves how less advanced you are than your counterparts.

#3  Remove religion from your political ideologies and ask yourselves, “What has my party actually done for me?”: Seriously, outside of your anti-homosexual views and anti-abortion views, what has your party actually done for you?  As a liberal, I can say that my party is trying to raise the minimum wage, give Americans access to health care and pass sensible immigration reform.  Your party promised they’d balance budgets and bring us economic prosperity when they cut taxes over a decade ago — yet the exact opposite happened.  Over the last 35-40 years, have things really gotten better?  Are we working more or less?  Are we getting more benefits at work or having them taken away?  It’s easy to keep focus on social issues like same-sex marriage and abortion to keep voters loyal, but remove those two issues and really — what has your party done for you?

#2 Learn dates of events/have better memories: President Obama didn’t assume office until January 20, 2009 — well after the Great Recession had started.  During that time we were losing hundreds of thousands of jobs every month.  Stocks were headed toward their all-time low around 6,000 and the only reason gas prices had fallen off of their record highs from the Summer of 2008 (when Bush was president) was due to the giant economic crash.

If you really believe our country is worse off now than 5 years ago — you’re insane.  Stocks are at record highs; unemployment is 3% lower than its high of 10%; gas prices have leveled off (for the most part); we’ve had almost 4 straight years of private sector job growth for over 8 million jobs; consumer confidence is way up; we just had our best quarter of economic growth in 5 years; we’ve cut our deficits by more than half and Osama bin Ladin is dead (I just always love throwing that in there).

The only reason you might think we’re worse off is if all you watch is Fox News. Speaking of…

#1 Stop watching Fox News: Look, I’m not saying MSNBC is better (by the way, I don’t really watch it much) but Fox News is terrible.  And isn’t it a bit ironic that your side claims that the media isn’t trustworthy, while having your “trusted” media portraying themselves as the only one you can trust?   When you brag about being America’s most watched news channel — that defines that “lamestream” media conservatives are always attacking.

And don’t you find it a little odd that every single headliner on the network is an open Republican?  And isn’t it even more strange how many former Republican politicians become paid contributors for the network?

But you want to pretend like Fox News isn’t just a mouthpiece for the GOP?  Hey, MSNBC is obviously a shill for Democrats — but most liberals will admit that.

Can you at least admit Fox News is a cheerleader for Republicans?

Well, that will wrap it up.  I hope you enjoyed my New Year’s resolutions for Republicans.

Happy New Year everyone!



Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Stephen Barlow

    GOT voices?

  • Jim Bean

    #5 – Being fiscally responsible is NOT recklessly spending more than you earn year after year to buy votes. #4 – Liberals need to build a platform and message the stands on its own merits rather than spending all their energy trying to discredit anyone who casts a critical eye upon it. #3 – Rapists, murderers, pedophiles, the one-percenters, and robber barons, are all atheists. Why promote that culture? #2 – The Great Recession occurred because bankers didn’t eat the losses for the subprime mortgage loans social engineer Janet Reno (Democrat) forced them to make the way she assumed they would. If she’d kept her nose where it belonged, it wouldn’t have happened. #1 – see #4. If you’re not watching Fox News as least part of the time, you’re volunteering to play with less than a full deck.

    • Justin

      In response to #3, do not confuse correlation with causation. I have many atheist friends who are upstanding members of society. There are rapists, murderers, pedophiles, and criminals that subscribe to Christianity. Also, the one-percenters tend to subscribe to a religion as well, just look at people like Romney who make more in one hour than most people make per month. Is he atheistic? I don’t think so.

      • Jim Bean

        I did not indicate atheism ’caused’ it. On the other hand, people who do those things have no fear of judgment from a higher power. They are atheists regardless of how they may advertise themselves.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        so the scumbag VOODOO practicing religious trash who DO commit horrific crimes are “worried” about when they are F*CKING dead???? U now “claim” they are atheists as they don’t pander to your superstitions!! JIM f*cking BEAN elucidates mankind again!!!

    • Keith

      I think you need to re-read, and re-read again the article here. You seem to be confused about much, based on your post here. Your comment about Fox News is a real stunner, because the way I see it, you are the one playing with even less than 1/10 of a deck.

      • Jim Bean

        Which news source do you rely upon to hold the Obama administration’s feet to the fire?

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        the SOURCE will be ( a) the VOTERS who may or may NOT vote in accordance with candidates aligned with democratic policies,,,,(B) the CONGESS has the ability to IMPEACH and REMOVE a president who violates constitutional observance and laws. FAIR AND BALANCED would “imply” holding ALL politician ‘feet2fire’ and also informing ( word NOT used in FOX “news” lexicon) the watchers of the GOOD any high-profile politician does,,,,,,,,,,,, but white trash superstitious crybabies who do not THINK only just osculate with the FOX “news” meatus. A delightfully shrinking white trash southern comfort of low IQ inbred racists

      • Keith

        I listen to and watch CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS news. I wouldn’t watch Fox News if you paid me a million dollars to do it, because they lie, avoid the truth, and promote fear and hate among it’s extremely gullible viewers, like yourself!

      • Jim Bean

        And you believed Obama when he said you can keep your doctor.

      • Keith

        The ACA is working very well already, and you cannot stand that FACT, just like Fox News and the Republicans. Jimmy B, you’re a clueless clown! You must be friends with Ted Cruz and the Koch Brothers. 90%+ of Americans despise those people. LOL!

      • theyak47

        No, just wants to be.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        almost as readily as U clowns believed GW bush and his cohorts when they sent 4400 PLUS brave American soldiers to their DEATHS–and 1000’s more disfigured– over TRUE LIES called “wmd’s”,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, hows that working for ya’ crybaby white trash ? BYTHEWAY– I don’t care about my “doctor”….I CARE about my HEALTH and the scumbag insurance companies ( SEE: major profits for decades) now being forced to INSURE

      • Jim Bean

        Actually, 7829 souls have been lost in Iraq & Afghanistan. 1926 of them were lost by Obama because he left them there to die even AFTER he had surrendered. (Unemployment issues on the homeland, you know.)

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        surrendered? I mustve missed that vitriol on FOX “news”…………………….. must really suck knowing that alcohol and frozen foods are your deity
        hows that tea party policy making group of “Christians ” doing? abortion and gay rights crippling america?

      • Jim Bean

        🙂 You really need to dial it back a notch. At this rate, you’ll die of a heart attack before you’re old enough to vote.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        seated early morning heart rate of 49,,,,,,,,, 118 over 64 blood pressure. How am I doin’??

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        as JIMBO echoes FOX “news”….”news”,,,,,”news”,,,,,

      • Jim Bean

        Fallujah just fell to Al Qaeda and Huff Po isn’t reporting it. I guess I could rely mainly on them and then I wouldn’t know it when you liberals eff something else up. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        nope– don’t read that– and ask me if I care about some scumbag 3rd world beggar town—– ya might wanna thank ol GW/ cheney and CO for killing saddam: by removing him and his vast tank force you now have iran free to be pricks; they were mortified and kept under control by saddam…. now Iraq an iran are problematic for the region!! ” mission accomplished”

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        keith is WRONg about “jimmy B” being clueless!!! I am firmly convinced that jimmy B KNOWS his white trash regressive crybaby repubs are falling by the wayside!!! that’s why he echoes FOX “news”….”news”,,,,,”news”…. as its all he has

      • Jim Bean

        I sense a tinge of disrespect in your attitude towards me, mickey. Was it something I said?

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        no disrespect,,,,,,,,,,,, I respect all forms of life: DESIDERATA edifies by stating ” listen to others,,,even the dull and ignorant: they too have their story”
        hence I listen to thee,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

      • theyak47

        I still have all of the doctors I had seen previously. Of course, I had to pay for a higher level ‘Gold’ plan. But I guess I chose doctors in the first place that don’t work for Walmart wages.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        I must add: U should watch FOX “news” to confirm that they indeed are NOT a NEWS organization (politically) REMEMBER: santa is white; seculars and OTHER religions are in a “war on Christmas” and JEEEESUS looked like a surfer rock star dude akin to peter Frampton in his aesthetic prime

      • Keith

        Mighty T: I would, but I cannot stand to listen to them for more than 30 seconds because of all the hateful lies they tell. They disgust me, and that’s putting it mildly.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        I watch them with my girlfriend as she is NEW to anything political….I want her to review what is On that “news” channel- we just roll our eyes. I am amazed at the claim ” we are the MOST watched” cable channel—————– and the reminder that MCDonalds is the MOST EATEN-at “restaurant.” Im sad that so many people are so bamboozled: mainly as they simply wish to follow. Doing homework to confirm/deny “facts” by FOX and also by CHURCHES is in fact WORK. These low IQ losers don’t want to learn: they stopped that decades ago

      • Keith

        Agreed. What just slays me is that they call the followers of Obama “sheep”, when they are the biggest herd of sheep in following, believing and vocalizing the utter B.S. Fox News feeds them. Morons. Real sheep have more brains than they do.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        and sheep are smart enough not to believe in some imaginary invisible dead jewish carpenter as GOD

    • surfjac

      You are delusional!
      There’s proof about all what was said above but apparently you believe in some other truth; please supply references and links to support your disbelief of this reality.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      hey!! jim have shoveled in the new year with more of his alcohol- laced oligophreniality!!! MY FAVE: rapists/ murderers/ et al are all atheist!! *( we are awaiting the documentation to prove that canard) I also enjoy his small dicked crybaby zealotry of intimating that democrats spend more– and more POORLY– than the white trash crybaby regressive republicans through our lifetimes ( see: past 50 years) “FORCED” bankers to make LOANS??? that’s akin to forcing a porn star to ejaculate or forcing Jim Bean to create crybaby unsubstantiatable rants on an intenet thread!! (TRUST ME— the bamkers were FIGHTING over the thought of a new and unregulated way to make FAST easy BIG MONEY) and I do agree with him about FOX “news”…………….. I make certain I watch it jes’ enough2 remind me as to how desperate they are to cry ” obamacare” and “Benghazi” and ” fast and furious” as well as NOT commenting upon the deficit shrinking or unemployment dwindling back to 7% ( still high but falling) or how we ( we who are invested in properties and the stock market) are just DYING with these delightful PROFITS from OBAMAs ” socialist and communist” policies!!! HOWEVER—- we should ( FOX “news”) wonder about such CRITICAL American worries as “santa is white” or ” abortion kills babies” or “war on Christmas” and some smelly bearded duck nplucker in scumbag broken white trash Louisiana. VOTE TEA PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ted cruz and marco Rubio!!!!

    • FD Brian

      in response to #2, the Great Recession was caused by many things, including lender fraud, greed and plain old fashion lying, among other things.

      • Jim Bean

        I agree. But banks weren’t making subprime mortgages until Reno forced them to and her scheme was evil. She figured they were big enough to absorb the losses she was saddling them with and wouldn’t have a choice. But they not only found a way out, they turned it into a racket.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        most accurate single item u ever posted

  • Michael Siever

    I saw a Facebook post by The Tea Party yesterday that basically said “Which President had a better first 5 years in office? Like for Bush, Ignore for Obama.” Let’s get one thing straight, Tea Party. You don’t get to market yourself as a fiscally conservative party when you go around endorsing a neoconservative President who turned our budget surplus into a deficit by launching a war against a nation having nothing to do with 9/11, and giving tax cuts to non-job creators who are just going to horde it all to themselves. And let’s get really real here, Tea Party. George W. Bush is probably the #1 reason why Obama got elected in the first place. Most Americans were fed up with Bush’s policies, and didn’t want more unnecessarily launched wars against countries having nothing to do with terrorist attacks on us. They wanted a change to get as far away from Bush as possible, and for better or worse, we got change.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      “there U go again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, annoying regressive white trash tea party scum with FACTS”

    • Jim Bean

      For the ‘worse’ unfortunately.

  • Helen Daly

    Oh my goodness…don’t you guys want the truth? View Fox News Channel…a cut above the rest in terms of accurate,relevant, and truthful reporting…You want a fairy tale, watch the others.