My Five New Year’s Resolutions for Republicans

turnofffoxnewsThe arrival of the new year brings about several certainties.  I can pretty much guarantee I’ll struggle for the next several months remembering to put “2014” on things that require dates, the gym will be packed with people I won’t ever see there again in a few weeks, and nothing will change when it comes to the Republican party.

In fact, any change I do see forthcoming seems to be headed in the opposite direction.  Tea party Republicans are gathering their forces to take on “established” Republicans with a vengeance this primary season, hoping to push their party even further to the right.

So, in the spirit of the new year I thought I’d offer up five of my own New Year’s resolutions I think Republicans should try to follow — though I know they never will.

But hey, it’s worth a shot, right?

Let’s go!

#5 Learn the difference between being “fiscally responsible” and being a “fiscal conservative”:  Fiscally responsible means spending money, but being smart about spending money.  Calling yourself a “fiscal conservative” is just a title used by the GOP to make you think that they’re being fiscally responsible — but they’re not.  If I’m wrong, please show me where a Republican president has balanced the budget in the last fifty years.  You can’t, because none of them have.  Even the “conservative hero” Ronald Reagan nearly quadrupled the national debt.  And let’s not forget your party continues to support billions in free government money (oil subsidies) to big oil companies that continue to earn record profits.

Oh, and cutting taxes has nothing to do with “fiscal responsibility.”  In fact, cutting taxes like Bush did — then starting two wars — is the exact opposite of being fiscally responsible.

#4 Stop supporting Rush Limbaugh: Rush Limbaugh is like trying to sell a VHS tape in a world of Blu-ray and streaming — it’s outdated, useless and has no business being around in 2013.

Look, if you want to pretend to call yourself the party for the “moral majority,” you can’t continue to support a multiple adulterer, bigot, racist, male chauvinist, drug abusing fear-mongerer like Rush Limbaugh.

His shtick might have been relevant years ago when our society was much less evolved, but the fact your party still continues to support his ignorance only proves how less advanced you are than your counterparts.

#3  Remove religion from your political ideologies and ask yourselves, “What has my party actually done for me?”: Seriously, outside of your anti-homosexual views and anti-abortion views, what has your party actually done for you?  As a liberal, I can say that my party is trying to raise the minimum wage, give Americans access to health care and pass sensible immigration reform.  Your party promised they’d balance budgets and bring us economic prosperity when they cut taxes over a decade ago — yet the exact opposite happened.  Over the last 35-40 years, have things really gotten better?  Are we working more or less?  Are we getting more benefits at work or having them taken away?  It’s easy to keep focus on social issues like same-sex marriage and abortion to keep voters loyal, but remove those two issues and really — what has your party done for you?

#2 Learn dates of events/have better memories: President Obama didn’t assume office until January 20, 2009 — well after the Great Recession had started.  During that time we were losing hundreds of thousands of jobs every month.  Stocks were headed toward their all-time low around 6,000 and the only reason gas prices had fallen off of their record highs from the Summer of 2008 (when Bush was president) was due to the giant economic crash.

If you really believe our country is worse off now than 5 years ago — you’re insane.  Stocks are at record highs; unemployment is 3% lower than its high of 10%; gas prices have leveled off (for the most part); we’ve had almost 4 straight years of private sector job growth for over 8 million jobs; consumer confidence is way up; we just had our best quarter of economic growth in 5 years; we’ve cut our deficits by more than half and Osama bin Ladin is dead (I just always love throwing that in there).

The only reason you might think we’re worse off is if all you watch is Fox News. Speaking of…

#1 Stop watching Fox News: Look, I’m not saying MSNBC is better (by the way, I don’t really watch it much) but Fox News is terrible.  And isn’t it a bit ironic that your side claims that the media isn’t trustworthy, while having your “trusted” media portraying themselves as the only one you can trust?   When you brag about being America’s most watched news channel — that defines that “lamestream” media conservatives are always attacking.

And don’t you find it a little odd that every single headliner on the network is an open Republican?  And isn’t it even more strange how many former Republican politicians become paid contributors for the network?

But you want to pretend like Fox News isn’t just a mouthpiece for the GOP?  Hey, MSNBC is obviously a shill for Democrats — but most liberals will admit that.

Can you at least admit Fox News is a cheerleader for Republicans?

Well, that will wrap it up.  I hope you enjoyed my New Year’s resolutions for Republicans.

Happy New Year everyone!

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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