Operation American Spring Dismal Attendance Blamed on Rain

op-american-springOperation American Spring (yeehah) hit Washington DC today. OAS’s lowest attendance estimate was 10,000,000 people, and they were only off by about 9,999,400 or so. I’m writing this on Friday, so hopefully, a shitload more people are going to show up. If not, well, OAS knows what to blame. The weather.

According to Jackie Milton, head of Texans for Operation Spring, the reason for the utterly dismal turnout was rain. From an interview Mr. Milton gave The Washington Times:

We were getting over two inches of rain in hour in parts of Virginia this morning.

The weather is expected to be lovely over the weekend, and Mr. Milton has high hopes that the “bikers” will help boost their numbers. He himself has a whopping 126 people in DC from Texas. One other thing: Milton told the Times many people had headed out to Nevada, to give support to Cliven Bundy. Unfortunately, all is not warm, fuzzy huggles over thar at Bundy Central: the Oath Keepers and the militia folks aren’t getting along. Seems someone mentioned they had a friend who knew Eric Holder was going to drone the ranch, but someone else said “Don’t say that,” then someone threatened to shoot someone, and derp.

Sorry, back to Operation American Spring. The nice folks who traveled into DC call themselves “patriots” while completely screwing up the National Anthem, calling President Obama a Kenyan, and asking why President Obama can’t “bring back” the four Americans killed in Benghazi. The livestream for the past three hours or so has been this guy, talking on the phone from his RV. From what I can gather, no one involved with Operation American Spring brought batteries for the video camera, so some poor schmuck was streaming with a Smart Phone and it needed to charge.

My question to Harry Reilly, and Mark Connor, and Jim Garrow, and Rick Santelli, and all the other “patriots” supporting Operation American Spring is: did soldiers fighting in the Revolutionary War say, “Hey, it’s raining,” and decide not to fight? Is that in a David Barton history book? Are you or are you not interested in overthrowing the government? Removing a “dictator” from office and replacing with someone much more non-dictatorish, like Ted Cruz or one of the Paul boys?

Yeah, about that whole “dictator” thing. If President Obama truly was a dictator, you would have been shot and/or imprisoned the second you stepped into DC. Let me give you an example of an actual dictator, Idi Amin. Known as “The Butcher of Uganda,” Idi Amin is one of the most brutal dictators in history. From a 2003 article in The New York Times:

By the time he had escaped with his life, the devastation he had wreaked lay fully exposed in the scarred ruins of Uganda. The number of people he caused to be killed has been tabulated by exiles and international human rights groups as close to 300,000 out of a total population of 12 million.

Those murdered were mostly anonymous people: farmers, students, clerks and shopkeepers who were shot or forced to bludgeon one another to death by members of death squads, including the chillingly named Public Safety Unit and the State Research Bureau. Along with the military police, these forces numbering 18,000 men were recruited largely from Mr. Amin’s home region. They often chose their victims because they wanted their money, houses or women, or because the tribal groups the victims belonged to were marked for humiliation.

But there were also many hundreds of prominent men and women among the dead. Their killings were public affairs carried out in ways that were meant to attract attention, terrorize the living and convey the message that it was Mr. Amin who wanted them killed. They included cabinet ministers, Supreme Court judges, diplomats, university rectors, educators, prominent Catholic and Anglican churchmen, hospital directors, surgeons, bankers, tribal leaders and business executives.

Idi Amin was a dictator. Barack Obama is not. President Obama is also not:

*Kenyan born

*A Muslim (even though, according to the Constitution, it wouldn’t matter if he was)

*A socialist

*A Nazi

*A fascist

*A Marxist

*A communist

My guess is, the people determined to depose Idi Amin didn’t stop because of rain. I bet the soldiers fighting in the Revolutionary War showed up, no matter what the weather. But the “patriots” of Operation American Spring? If it wasn’t for the wet stuff falling from the sky, you would have met your 10-30,000,000 estimate, right? FYI-that’s a lot of people who don’t have to work on a Friday. Hopefully, those tens of millions of “patriots” are on their way for the weekend. And who knows; maybe your fan club over at Stormfront.org will send a few of their members, too. Because what screams “AMERICA” louder than a group of white nationalists, joining up with a group who wants to overthrow the government?

The only way this could possibly get any better is if all those giant American flags you’re waving are made in China.

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.


Facebook comments

  • kebyar

    I’m sorry to start out this way, but f^^king wankers. All of them. At what point do you realize you’re on the wrong side of history/reality? Or is it a religion to you, and this is simply validation that you’re wandering in the wilderness until the rest of the world comes in line with your ill-informed, crackpot way of thinking?

    • Jim Bean

      You realize your on the wrong side in November.

  • Ralph M. Trosa

    I just gotta say, if your goal is the overthrow of the current United States government, and you’re excuse for low turn out is rain… Then you must not want it hard enough.

  • Bo Radley

    The real revolutionaries showed up yesterday! Them fair weather revolutionaries is gunna show up today. Why…the crowd might swell to 250!

    • Pipercat

      Depends on whether they have to pay for their own beer…

  • Edward Krebbs

    I’m wanting them to say that they really had 30 million but only a few dozen were counted because Obama was cooking the books.

    And considering the implied threat of violence it would be reasonable to assume that both the feds and the DC police had folks in street clothes there. If you subtract them, you’re getting into negative numbers.

  • liberal4life5

    Unlike the Soros corp funded OWS the Patriots are self funded .There are 3 million Armed patriot militia in America.And it is time to get rid of the Corporations politicians work for.Congress makes 170k a year and they are all multimillionaires.This is from corruption.Jp Morgan=Soros(dems) and Koch(repubs)

  • liberal4life5

    Hitler preached “progress” see how that turned out.

  • Emma Duncan

    wait. I thought this little misadventure was “bathed in god” so, your puny little god, could not stop the rain? or was it Obama’s evil weather machine that made it rain. so the big tough militia members, were afraid of a little bit of rain…wow, the kids at Woodstock, stayed despite the massive downpour…so, it’s official…Hippies are tougher then militia members…and they aren’t armed!

  • Leona Campo