There Is One Man Who Would Perfectly Represent Today’s GOP As Speaker, but It’s Not Paul Ryan

louie gohmertRepublicans in the House are in the middle of an ideological war, and it looks like nobody who is qualified for the position really wants to be the next Speaker of the House. Newt Gingrich, who previously served before resigning in disgrace, has offered his services just in case Republicans can’t find someone who can do the job.

Yes, that’s how much of a mess Congress is right now.

All of this started when John Boehner suddenly announced that he would be resigning, due in part to a simmering revolt by the most conservative members of the House. Since then, current House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy has also dropped out of the race, even though he was previously considered the favorite to replace Boehner.

This may have something to do with him accidentally telling the truth about the Benghazi hearings. Granted, the same people who thought John Boehner wasn’t conservative enough would likely have the same problem with Kevin McCarthy. So here is a list of the people who could replace John Boehner, and why they aren’t suitable for the job.

Jason Chaffetz has been floated as a potential replacement, but he’s also accidentally told the truth about the Planned Parenthood hearings. Telling the truth about a political witch hunt disqualified Kevin McCarthy, and it will end Chaffetz’s slim chances as well.

Florida congressman Daniel Webster has been endorsed by forty conservative colleagues to be the next Speaker of the House, but according to the Miami Herald, he had a history of working with political opponents when he was speaker of the Florida House. He’s about as right-wing as they come, but he’s not enough of a vocal firebrand for their liking. Oh, and he’s likely to lose next year due to the fact that his gerrymandered district has been ordered to be redrawn by a federal judge.

I’ve considered the possibility of three Louisiana congressmen getting the job: John Fleming, current House Majority Whip Steve Scalise and my congressman, Charles Boustany.

Boustany is an instant elimination because he’s seen as not conservative and vocal enough. John Fleming is a possibility and he’s very conservative, but he’s also smart enough not take a leadership position where he’ll be the next target of a party that’s in the middle of an ideological purity battle. Steve Scalise has been considered even though he was outed last year by my friend Lamar White for having ties to the KKK and David Duke. His problem? Some conservatives think he’s not conservative enough. Let that sink in for a moment; his past associations with an organization that advocates killing minorities doesn’t eliminate him, but failing to be an ideological purist does.

So if someone who was a guest speaker at a conference which also featured David Duke isn’t good enough, and Paul Ryan likely won’t take the job (on top of also being “too liberal” for many members of the Freedom Caucus), how do Republicans find someone who’s the most radical of all?

Using the “Conservative Scorecard” from the Conservative Review, there are only 2 members of the House who get a 100% rating, but both are in their first term. So this is where we end up with Louie Gohmert.

Louie Gohmert gets a 96% A-rating based on their criteria, and he’s certainly removed enough from reality to do things like shut down the government over doctored Planned Parenthood videos. He’s also been in Congress for 10 years, and his Texas district is very solidly Republican.

Louie Gohmert is obsessed with islands inhabited only by gay men, thought the Jade Helm military exercises were a possible federal invasion of Texas, and desperately wants a holy war with Iran. He’s also opposed to gun control because he thinks gay marriage leads to romantic encounters with farm animals, and that Christians need to be more active in politics or their churches will be forced to hire crossdressers. Louie Gohmert believes that climate change is a good thing because it means there will be more plants, and has accused fellow Republican John McCain of being partially responsible for Benghazi. In other words, he’s perfect for the job.

Louie Gohmert previously lost his bid for Speaker earlier this year, but that was before the Republicans’ own Night of the Long Knives. Remember, Republicans aren’t trying to find a statesman who can work across party lines. They’re looking for the spiritual leader of an angry mob out on a political Inquisition – and nobody is a better fit for that job than Louie Gohmert.


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