Portland Pimp Suing Nike for $100 Million After Stomping Victim with Jordans

clardyIn what might be one of the most absurd lawsuits I’ve eve heard of, a Portland, Oregon pimp is suing Nike after receiving a 100 year prison sentence for brutally stomping his victim while wearing a pair of Jordans.

Sirgiorgiro Clardy is claiming that Nike is partially responsible for his victim’s misfortunes because they failed to properly place a warning label on the designer shoes stating that consumers could possibly use them as a dangerous weapon.

No, really, that’s what his lawsuit claims.

See, he was wearing a pair when he brutally stomped a man who was trying to leave a Portland hotel in 2012 without paying one of Clardy’s “ladies.”

In 2013 a jury found Clardy guilty of using his Jordans to stomp the man who was trying to get away without paying for the “services” he had just received.  The jury assessed that Clardy used his Nikes as “dangerous weapons” — which Clardy is now using to try to claim that Nike nowhere warns on their products that they could be “dangerous weapons.”

And he’s probably right.  I own several pairs of Nikes and nowhere have I ever seen a warning classifying my shoes as a possible dangerous weapon.

Then again, I’ve never thought about brutally stomping a man while wearing my shoes, either.

For what it’s worth, during the trial, Clardy was diagnosed an anti-social psychopath who was 100 percent likely to commit violent crimes again.  Which I think is a pretty safe diagnosis.  A pimp who brutally stomps a man for not paying for “services” is probably a fairly safe bet to not be exactly a mentally stable individual.  And then to try to use the excuse that he didn’t know his shoes could be “dangerous” if worn when stomping the crap out of somebody?  This is so ridiculous that you’d swear it had to be from The Onion, but it’s not.

In his statement concerning the lawsuit, Clardy (who is representing himself — shocking, I know) claims:

“Under product liability there is a certain standard of care that is required to be up-held by potentially dangerous product do (sic) to the fact that these defendants named in this Tort claim failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction it has caused personal injury in the likes of mental suffering.”

If this lawsuit was upheld (which I highly doubt that it will be) it would basically mean anything and everything we own must come with a label warning that it could be used as a dangerous weapon.  Isn’t it bad enough that hair dryers come with warning labels warning us not to use them while in the shower?  But like I said, it’s highly unlikely that this lawsuit goes anywhere.  The fact it appears no lawyer would even take the case speaks volumes for its stupidity.  Either way, I’m going to be following it myself, because if it does happen to gain any traction — well, it’ll be a sad statement on the devolution of humanity, to say the least.

Image via Multnomah Co. Sheriff’s Office

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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