Are You Ready for Some Washington Tea Party Football?

washington-tea-party-jokeSo the Washington R*dsk*ns (it’s a slur, and I refuse to write-out slurs and give them their power) were just informed that their sucky racist name is and has been disparaging to Native American people. Thus, they cannot hold exclusive use of the name for copyright reasons. It’s not exactly the end of Dan Snyder and his racist minions, but it does mark a death knell in his stranglehold on the term. But don’t worry, the Tea Party is petitioning Dan Snyder to change the name to the Washington Tea Party! Oooh-Whee!

We know how conservatives can get when they’re afraid of losing their privileges, right? They start fighting back with unreserved, outright bigoted reactionism. Take. for example, 2008. While the United States definitely had ingrained and institutional racism as a practical reality, most of us thought the outright, plainspoken racism of the 1950’s and 60’s was history. Some pundits, upon noticing the rise of the Black junior senator from Illinois, declared the nation to be “post-racial.” In hindsight, this was a bit rash to say the least. Yet rising out of the ashes of the death heap of burning, smoldering white hot white racism was the Tea Party.

More recently, the protestations of several First Nations tribes and persons have been reaching a wider audience. While many have not been silent before about the issue of the appropriation of their names and anti-Indian slurs being used as products before, now with Twitter and other social media platforms they’ve been more easily able to mobilize and get their message out. Whereas before Dan Snyder – the owner of the Washington football team – was able to manipulate data to say that Native Americans found his team’s name, its cheerleaders, and the mascot to be a sign of respect, now it’s getting harder to lie about that. This is especially becoming true since 1) a growing online and physical presence of Native American communities are standing up against what some call Native America Mascotry, and 2) it was indigenous Americans themselves who brought the case against Snyder’s team in the US Patent and Trademark Office. Their review board found that at least 30% of Native Americans have found the term to be offensive not just currently, but in all times of the trademarking of the name – which began in 1966.

Defenders of the slur, like the right-wing Constitutional Rights PAC, say that Native Americans and their allies here are being too sensitive and whining too much.. They are relying less and less on the lie that indigenous people find it honoring because there aren’t any people willing to back that up. So they blame it on over-reaching political correctness. But the Constitutional Rights PAC’s solution to this is… hilarious.

Sign the Petition to Urge Dan Snyder to Change the Name to “The Tea Party” to SHUT THE POLITICALLY CORRECT LEFT UP!

And the image they have for the Washington Tea Party mascot? The Don’t Tread on Me snake from the Gadsden flag. Because nothing says “conquering, rugged football team” like an animal that slithers on the ground all the time and whines about being stepped on.

Oh, they hope you’re offended. More to the point, they mad bro. They’re butt-hurt and they want you to be butt-hurt too. They even have the All-Caps like their hero Dan Snyder. Which is good; we’re finally making a noise on this issue in solidarity with Native people.

The makers of this petition seem to really think that changing the name to Tea Party and affiliating it with a dying political breed will infuriate liberals and the Left. I just think it’ll inspire Tea Party jokes.

Who’s gonna be their quarterback, Louie Gohmert? Can you imagine his audibles?
Sarah Palin was their star wide receiver, but she quit. She could do more for the team on her couch.
The John 3:16 guy’s signs will all be about Obama being a Secret Mooslim Kenyin.
The players will have concussions because no one figured how to properly secure a tricorder hat.
The defensive line can’t see out their side because of the hanging tea bags.
Oh, and if the Tea Party thought that liberals were mean to them before, wait till they hear what Eagles fans have to say.
Big loss this Sunday? That’s ok. Remember the first rule: Always blame the black guy.

(Got more? Share in the comments.)

But let’s talk about this political correctness, shall we? PC culture is often given a bad rap, usually thought of as being too soft and too sensitive, egg-shells kinda way to live. I argue that, at its best and as it should be, it’s about listening and about valuing how people want to identify themselves. That’s the definition of honoring someone – not telling them that you’re honoring them when they disagree. If, say, a Native American disagrees with a drunken white fan on whether or not a headdress and a painted face honors his own culture, guess who wins the debate? How can someone say he’s in any sense respecting the person he’s stealing from?

So they want to shut up “the politically correct left.” If they’re considering Harry Reid in “the Left,” well, he’s not a lefty in the least bit. I’m guessing they want to silence Native people. Which is old hand. Some day they’ll come to realize that. Oh, speaking of old hand, I guess this would all be full circle anyway. Remember the original Tea Party was a bunch of Anglo-Americans dressed up as Native Americans, causing havoc for their own economic gain and blaming it on the Natives. Yeah, good times, right?


When he’s not riding both his city’s public transit system and evil mayor, Jasdye teaches at a community college and writes about the intersection of equality and faith - with an occasional focus on Chicago - at the Left Cheek blog and on the Left Cheek: the Blog Facebook page. Check out more from Jasdye in his archives as well!


Facebook comments

  • supermouse35

    A tricorder hat, OMG.

    • My bad. Star Trekkers should not be confused with THESE Colonial-era Cosplayers…

  • Steve Temke

    Any opposing team will be able to stack their defense to the right side of the line because the Washington Tea Party refuses to run to the left.

    • They don’t have a center cuz COMMUNIST!!

      • Michelle Rhoades

        Cantor was the center, but he got taken out by his own teammate during scrimmage.

      • Richard Mcgee

        Palin as the slutty cheerleader blowing guys under the bleachers for money

    • Avatar

      That is absolute the most hilarious stuff regarding tea party and football!!!

  • Hee. I think you meant “tricorner,” but geeky me loves the idea of a tricorder hat.

    • Well, Star Trek > Founding Fathers. lol

      • Richard Mcgee

        There was an episode pitting yangs against cons
        Yankee against confederate

    • I saw that, and thought, “I want a tricorder hat.”

      Possibly as much as I want my jetpack.;

  • No one would be offended by the Tea Parties. That’s just … stupid. And what a life, to try to go through life looking for ways to be offensive.

    But, you know, let them play out their persecution fantasies and let them wank each other off amusing themselves about how they’re upsetting the forces of political correctness (or good manners … you know, whatever …). When your “movement” is reduced now to defending the racist name of a sports team and trying to offend people then it’s really time to pack it in. They’re done.

  • Steve Temke

    Reynolds Wrap will be a corporate sponsor and they’ll have tin-foil hat give away days at the stadium.

    • Avatar

      And Alex jones would set up plenty of kiosks inside and outside of the stadium.

  • Steve Temke

    No matter the true outcome of the game, FOXNews will always report a stunning victory for the Tea Party!

    • Like the Bears’ Superfans!

  • Pierre Savoie

    Nothing says being a rough, tough footballer like tea.

    • good with honey. just like pooh bear.

  • xstevex1

    Can you imagine the post-game press conferences? Q: “Coach, to what do you attribute this stunning defeat?” A: “It’s obviously Obama’s fault!”

    • Michelle Rhoades

      Alternate answer: Our players were too worried about Benghazi.

      • “But your team NEVER made it near the end zon…”

  • Charles Vincent

    Another nontroversy cooked up by people with nothing better to do.

    • says the troll…

      • Charles Vincent

        This isn’t a troll you’re not mentally agile enough to see my trolls. You’re making something out of nothing. Complete and total nontroversy here nothing more.

      • lolz.
        I’m sure it’s a nontroversy for you. But two-thirds of Indian Country disagree. I think their voice on this issue trumps yours.

        Second, if you deliberately go out of your way to comment and derail on sites that you’re ideologically opposed to, you are a troll. I don’t know who gave you the idea that a troll is in your pants or whatever. Perv much?

      • Charles Vincent

        Really what native Americans have you talked to? What data backs your argument that they are offended? I’ve talked to plenty and the prevailing feeling they convey is they don’t care. Personally I think that two thirds number is well a figment of your imagination just like the 90% of people want universal background checks number that’s been debunked thoroughly.

      • Charles Vincent

        http://Washington DOT cbslocal DOT com/2013/10/08/how-many-native-americans-think-redskins-is-a-slur/

        That article states 90% of respondents are not offended by the name redskins.

      • lol. widely debunked poll, troll.

      • Charles Vincent

        You’re own vacuousness is going to drown you.

  • Avatar

    Gadsden would roll over in his grave if teabaggers succeeds in this one.

  • Sotiredofso

    For the love of Christ, please stop starting sentences with “So” it makes no sense, its jarring, and poor writing, to boot.

    • WSClark

      So, what’s your point?

  • Sarah LilRedfeather

    “Don’t Trademark On Me” . . .

  • Matthew Mulbrandon

    White privilege who would have thought it. Well the slur you will not write out is used by 3 native American teams two on reservations. Also 90 percent not bothered by name according to 2004 poll. The white trade mark office found “Washington Redskins Potato” disparaging this year no joke. The team name was fine in 1990 and 1967 when the trade marks were given. So thanks but you are going to have to explain why American Indians are not a smart as the white people yet again. No wonder we has to take there land and forced conversions to correct religions. Also they seem to be focused on suicide and other problems rather than a team name so more education in boarding schools is needed no doubt. Thank you for your 19th century elitism with 21 st style. Thank you white people again. GO 49s who killed of a whole tribe for gold. Washington and Columbia you go girls. Buffalo bills we had to many any way. Saxons, Vikings, Yankees, Spartans, if you white your right.