Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Wines and Dines all the Presidential Elephants

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thank you for joining me this evening at Kiawah Island Golf Resort’s Ocean Room.  I realize everyone is surprised to see one another again so soon after that grueling Charleston debate.  Governor Christie, now-now, no stink-eye stare at Dr. Carson.  Here, have some North Carolina osetra imperial caviar before you gobble […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow, Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell, Jr. Walk Into a Bar Mitzvah

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Jerry, Jr., Franklin. Franklin, Jerry, Jr. I can hardly believe this is the first time the three of us have met—though of course I knew your fathers well. Sorry, Franklin, don’t want to bury your dad alongside Jerry, Sr., quite yet. But even I’ve got to admit that Billy would probably […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prepares a Mass Shooting Prayer

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thank you for responding to the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries parishioner focus group robo-call. In fact, just for coming down to the megachurch grounds today, I’m prepared to discount this month’s tithe percentage for you and your family from 10% to 9.975%. And with every significant contribution you make today to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Keeps the Syrians Away from Baby Jesus

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, bless you for your interest in auditioning for this season’s Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries Live Nativity, which, as ever, features live camels and livestock—donkeys, sheep, goats, even a family of wandering hyrax—plus a laid-off construction worker and teen mother, and of course our original Frederick Hart acrylic manger.  (Not to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Lives to See 100!

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! That’s how the Christian Right Weekly Round-Up usually starts.  Except, I’m actually the creator of the Chief Pastoral Officer of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Where’s Pastor Pillow?  Doubtless he’s off ministering to the unarmed pagan French and spreading the NRA Prosperity Gospel:  “Behold, I stand at the door with a Glock!” […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow & the Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! You’re probably here to see Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries’ latest attraction, the Brother Dr. Ben Carson 3-D/Trinity Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House. Trust me, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen! Epcot, eat my Holy Spirit-girded shorts. Here, hop in the CZC Ministries Porsche Garia Soleil de Minuit golf […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Hands Out Tricks

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Welcome to the confectionary-free confines of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries on this great and terrible day that worshipers of Satan, that False Light & Fallen One, that Lascivious Leader of Political Progressives, call Halloween! Here, purchase one of our Fall (But Not as Far as Adam!) Creationism Celebration and Creative Witnessing […]

A 5-Step Guide: Explaining Christianity to Republicans

We all know that the Republican party likes to champion itself the “party for Christian values” – though as I’ve pointed out many times before, I don’t see a whole lot of Christ-like values within the GOP. It’s never made sense to me how a gun-loving, poor-hating judgmental clan of people who proudly embrace greed […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prays Pompously at the Fifty-Yard Line

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! So glad you could join us at the 50-yard line after tonight’s game. You strike me as a bit too lean and butterfingers to be a wide out; I’m guessing you’re a cornerback? Aha! Pastor Pillow knows his pigskin. After all, I was a swarthy tight end in the day. Don’t […]

There’s Nothing Christian About the Republican Party

For some reason over the last week or so I’ve made the mistake of engaging in religious debates with Republicans. Normally I’m pretty good about not wasting my time trying to reason with people who are unreasonable. However, against my better judgement, I found myself in discussions with people who honestly believe that if Jesus Christ […]