Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, Desperate For Another War, Wants To Bomb Iran

Two Navy vessels experienced mechanical difficulties yesterday and drifted into Iranian waters in the Persian Gulf. The crews of the two vessels were briefly detained by the Iranian military before being released, along with both ships. Iran determined the act was not intentional, the United States apologized for accidental incursion, and what looked like a […]

Conservative Conspiracy Fanatic Claims An Invasion Of 100 Million Muslim Refugees Is Coming

While most people are familiar with right-wing conspiracy nuts like Glenn Beck or Alex Jones from InfoWars, there is a much larger pool of lesser-known media figures that are all competing for space in the small, but crowded conspiracy market. Part of being successful in this industry is playing to the fears of people who […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prepares a Mass Shooting Prayer

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thank you for responding to the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries parishioner focus group robo-call. In fact, just for coming down to the megachurch grounds today, I’m prepared to discount this month’s tithe percentage for you and your family from 10% to 9.975%. And with every significant contribution you make today to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow & the Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! You’re probably here to see Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries’ latest attraction, the Brother Dr. Ben Carson 3-D/Trinity Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House. Trust me, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen! Epcot, eat my Holy Spirit-girded shorts. Here, hop in the CZC Ministries Porsche Garia Soleil de Minuit golf […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Delivers King James Version Bibles to Flood-Ravaged South Carolina

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! I’m sorry, didn’t catch your name. Hard to understand what you’re saying with that snorkel in your mouth. Then again, you might be a-prophesyin’ in the tongues of angels. Try it again. Pblpblpblpblpblpblpbl. Nope. Sorry. Well, if you don’t look like a waterlogged lost sheep standing in line at this Satanic, […]

Glenn Beck Warns His Followers That America Is Almost ‘Out Of Time’

In March 1997, 39 members of the Heaven’s Gate cult committed mass suicide believing that they were going to meet a UFO which was hidden behind the Hale-Bopp comet. A total of 21 women and 18 men between the ages of 26 and 72 neatly packed their bags and took lethal cocktails of sedatives and […]

Michele Bachmann Says Jesus Is Coming Soon, Thanks To Iran Nuclear Deal

Republicans have been pitching a fit about the recent deal with Iran regarding their nuclear program. While some Democrats have decided to oppose it for various reasons, Republicans are almost unanimous in their condemnation of the deal and have vowed to do everything possible to kill it. I think that many Republicans are against the […]

The Bachmann Diaries: America Will Face Real Sharknados Because Of Obama

Dear Diary, I’m a movie star! The producers of the blockbuster series “Sharknado” asked me to make a cameo appearance (that’s movie talk for star) in “Sharknado 3,” and I think God made that happen to remind me, and everyone else, what is happening because of Barack Hussein Obama’s horrible policies and outright hatred of […]

Sen. Tom Cotton Thinks A War With Iran Would Be No Big Deal

To Senator Tom Cotton, Iran is like Benghazi; no matter what the subject is, he’ll inevitably bring it back to his undying lust for a war with them. Last week he managed to tie it into the “religious freedom” laws passed in Indiana and Arkansas by saying that you can be executed for being gay […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Biblical Breast Implants, Lap Dance Jesus, and Pope Francis’ New 10 Commandments

So glad you could make it! I’m Pastor Pillow, of course. And these other fine men and women are the Cubic Zirconia Cathedral Ministries Marketing Team. As you may be aware, we’ve been losing parishioners left and right to that upstart “progressive faith community” down the street, Glory Holy Ministries. Seems like people are naturally […]

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