Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Deacon Duvet Gives Thanks in Pastor Pillow’s Stead

Hello, I’m Deacon Duvet! Welcome to our Thanksgiving Day potluck at Cubic Zirconium Ministries! And my apologies on behalf of Pastor Pillow, who is unable to join us this evening. As you may be aware, he’s been called away to provide political futurism advice (or prophesying, as we call it behind the pulpit) for the […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow on the Hunt, Satan the Lion on the Prowl

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Here, hold these binoculars for me while I reload my semi-automatic Barret M82A1. I still can’t believe those customs officials believed it was a back scratcher. Or maybe that was the $10,000 bribe talking. So glad you could be one of the lucky few who gets to partake in the Cubic […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: [CENSORED], Jars of Clay & Heavenly Haikus

Please turn in your hymnals to No. 1017. Two trailer park fundies go round the outside, Round the outside, round the outside Two trailer park fundies go round the outside, Round the outside, round the outside Guess who’s back? Back again? Pillow’s back. Tell a friend! Here, put on a hard hat and join me […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: The War on St. Nicholas, A Glass of Wine & Thou

Brass tacks, ladies and gentlemen. There is no War on Christmas. What there is, however, is a WAR ON ST. NICHOLAS. Long before Coca-Cola solidified Santa Claus as the Patron Saint of Capitalism in the 1930s, there lived a Christian bishop from Asia Minor (modern Turkey) who earned his sainthood by saving impoverished young girls […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Child Abuse, Pearls of Wisdom & Plumbing Tube

I would like to think that the reason the All-Knowing Tetragrammaton failed to include prohibitions against child abuse on the stone tablets of the Decalogue was not because the tablets were only yea big, but because the Creator of the Universe considered the subject so obvious that not even human beings needed to be reminded […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Heaven-Bound Corporations Dodge Martian Meteorites

Arise and crack open your morning hymnals!  Hey, Corporations, I’m talking to you!  I mean, if you consider yourself people, then the least you can do is get your sleepy, weekend asses in the shower and proceed to church to hand over all those quarterly profits to the poor box.  I’m sorry, what’s that, Mr. […]