Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prepares a Mass Shooting Prayer

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thank you for responding to the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries parishioner focus group robo-call. In fact, just for coming down to the megachurch grounds today, I’m prepared to discount this month’s tithe percentage for you and your family from 10% to 9.975%. And with every significant contribution you make today to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Hands Out Tricks

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Welcome to the confectionary-free confines of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries on this great and terrible day that worshipers of Satan, that False Light & Fallen One, that Lascivious Leader of Political Progressives, call Halloween! Here, purchase one of our Fall (But Not as Far as Adam!) Creationism Celebration and Creative Witnessing […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prays Pompously at the Fifty-Yard Line

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! So glad you could join us at the 50-yard line after tonight’s game. You strike me as a bit too lean and butterfingers to be a wide out; I’m guessing you’re a cornerback? Aha! Pastor Pillow knows his pigskin. After all, I was a swarthy tight end in the day. Don’t […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Delivers King James Version Bibles to Flood-Ravaged South Carolina

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! I’m sorry, didn’t catch your name. Hard to understand what you’re saying with that snorkel in your mouth. Then again, you might be a-prophesyin’ in the tongues of angels. Try it again. Pblpblpblpblpblpblpbl. Nope. Sorry. Well, if you don’t look like a waterlogged lost sheep standing in line at this Satanic, […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Whips Huckabee and The Donald Into Biblical Shape

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, I want to thank each and every one of you Republican Presidential Candidates for coming here today. Second, I suppose we should thank Brother Bear for allowing us to use his ministerial facilities for this special training session. We didn’t think it would be a good idea to attract too […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Visits Kim Davis in the Clink

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! My, that cell door makes an awful sound when it closes.  So definitive in its restriction of freedom. Not to worry:  though you rot away on a steady diet of Soylent Green and mop bucket water, you find yourself at the end of a centuries-long line of glorious martyrs whom the […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Endorses Bernie Yet Forfeits His Soul

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! You probably recognize my Brylcreem’d visage from the billboards all about town. No? Well, I’m the Chief Pastoral Officer of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Here’s my card: nothing says Prosperity Gospel like a Black Astrum, diamond-studded business card. Plus I star in ads on public access, Sky Angel and Spike. Also, […]

Alabama Church Opens Gun Range In The Name Of Jesus

When you think of church you usually think of wooden pews, stained glass windows and long sermons in the monotonous tone of Reverend Lovejoy from The Simpsons. Back when I was forced to go to church as a child, it was a long trip up and down the mountains to sit in a pew while […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Prepares the Way of The Donald

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Yes, let’s try that again. I’m afraid I still haven’t mastered the real estate mogul handshake. The trick is getting the shakee to feel a bit of Gordon Gekko greed in your grip, while you simultaneously use your fingers to convey a sense of trigger-happy camaraderie. Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Better […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow’s Vacation Bible School Concentration Camp Wonderland

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Yes, that’s me! The one and only famed Chief Pastoral Officer of the multi-billion-dollar global faith enterprise we like to call Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Why, if there’s a fleck of heavenly emerald or sardonyx out there waiting to be hoarded, we just focus our little mustard seeds of faith and […]