Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow & the Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! You’re probably here to see Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries’ latest attraction, the Brother Dr. Ben Carson 3-D/Trinity Amazing Technicolor Pyramid Grain Silo Animatronic Wonder House. Trust me, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen! Epcot, eat my Holy Spirit-girded shorts. Here, hop in the CZC Ministries Porsche Garia Soleil de Minuit golf […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Visits Kim Davis in the Clink

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! My, that cell door makes an awful sound when it closes.  So definitive in its restriction of freedom. Not to worry:  though you rot away on a steady diet of Soylent Green and mop bucket water, you find yourself at the end of a centuries-long line of glorious martyrs whom the […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Lays Hands on Ashley Madison

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Thanks for swingin’ by the office on such short notice—if you know what I mean. Mrs. Pillow is otherwise engaged this evening hosting an Amway-Tupperware-Avon Mega-Party.  She thinks I’m working late at Cubic Zirconium Cathedral, hunting-and-pecking away on my Sunday morning sermon.  And you could say that I am conducting research, […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Endorses Bernie Yet Forfeits His Soul

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! You probably recognize my Brylcreem’d visage from the billboards all about town. No? Well, I’m the Chief Pastoral Officer of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Here’s my card: nothing says Prosperity Gospel like a Black Astrum, diamond-studded business card. Plus I star in ads on public access, Sky Angel and Spike. Also, […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Fleeces a Departed Soul

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Today, we are gathered to commemorate and lift on high to the Lord the life of Larry, the Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries worship band flugelhorner.  I see Charles Bodeloder waving way up high in the third mezzanine—no intention to offend, Chuck!  Let me rephrase:  Larry was ‘second chair’ flugelhorn in the […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow’s Vacation Bible School Concentration Camp Wonderland

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! Yes, that’s me! The one and only famed Chief Pastoral Officer of the multi-billion-dollar global faith enterprise we like to call Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries. Why, if there’s a fleck of heavenly emerald or sardonyx out there waiting to be hoarded, we just focus our little mustard seeds of faith and […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Nearly Flies the Christian Flag at Half-Staff

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! I want to thank each of you 25,739 precious sheep for gathering today within the air-conditioned confines of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries—and that doesn’t even include the thousands freshly herded to us from the recently christened Cross-Winds Megachurch of El Paso (a new #usedtobeablockbuster CZC Ministries remote access site). Brothers and […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Banks on the $pirit

Hello, Deacon Duvet here! I’m filling in for Pastor Pillow, who’s on a mission trip in Haiti this week. He’s overseeing the airdrop of 50,000 Camouflage NIV Bibles upon Cité Soleil, one of the worst slums on Planet Earth. If only those pathetic Haitians had the faith of a Grey Poupon mustard jar—then they too […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Erects ‘The Dennis Hastert Wing & A Prayer Center’

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, I would like to thank all members of the media for attending, as well as the entire Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries congregation flock—along with our corporate sponsors, Hobby Lobby, Chick-fil-A and Lockheed Martin. Because so many dedicated CZC Ministries sheep showed up for this ribbon-cutting ceremony, I am pleased to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Bets the Farm on Materiality

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! And welcome to Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries of Las Vegas! What, you’re a Palladium Lifetime Member? Well, then, let me shake your hand. Heck, if it weren’t for all this desert dust, I might even offer to wash your feet. Because of the generous contributions of blessed believers like you, sacrificing […]