Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Keeps the Syrians Away from Baby Jesus

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! First, bless you for your interest in auditioning for this season’s Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries Live Nativity, which, as ever, features live camels and livestock—donkeys, sheep, goats, even a family of wandering hyrax—plus a laid-off construction worker and teen mother, and of course our original Frederick Hart acrylic manger.  (Not to […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Bets the Farm on Materiality

Hello, I’m Pastor Pillow! And welcome to Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries of Las Vegas! What, you’re a Palladium Lifetime Member? Well, then, let me shake your hand. Heck, if it weren’t for all this desert dust, I might even offer to wash your feet. Because of the generous contributions of blessed believers like you, sacrificing […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow’s Loaves & Fishies Apostolic Eatery Hut

Hello! Welcome to Pastor Pillow’s Loaves & Fishies Apostolic Eatery Hut—a fast food subsidiary of Cubic Zirconium Cathedral Ministries.  I’m Pastor Pillow. Why, yes, until very recently this was in fact a McDonald’s. Yet with Ray Kroc’s gastronomic legacy on the verge of collapse, the Good Lord has provided an opportunity for hundreds of PP […]

Louisiana Baptist Church Kicks Out Alcoholics Anonymous Over Fear Of Gay Marriage

File this story about Westwood Baptist Church under utterly ridiculous and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Every time I see a story like this, I say to myself, “please don’t let it be Louisiana, please don’t let it be Louisiana, please don’t let it be Louisiana, please don’t let it be Louisiana, please don’t let it be Louisiana…” However, this week’s […]

Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: Pastor Pillow Descends to Hell, Has High Tea with Pope Francis & Joel Osteen

You don’t happen to have a monkey wrench, do you? You do?! Fabulous! Here, follow me down to the boiler room. I can’t find the sexton anywhere. He’s probably down at the Cubic Zirconia Cathedral Noah’s Ark Petting Zoo. We had an incident last night with some lions and a wildebeest. How did Noah manage […]

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Christian Right Weekly Round-Up: God Calls Down to Bullpen for Worldwide Flood

Once upon a time, Christians were indeed persecuted for their beliefs. While scholars now claim that there has been a great bit of mythmaking with respect to Saturday afternoon Coliseum matinees of Christians being thrown to the lions, no one doubts that there was a time in the Roman Empire when the likes of Galerius […]