Taking Crazy to a Whole New Level: Let Me Introduce You to “Operation Counter Jade Helm”

greg-abbott-laughingIn case you didn’t know, the U.S. military troops who are going to be involved in the massive military training exercise known as Jade Helm are about to start landing in Texas. As I reported previously, Gov. Greg Abbott has already ordered the Texas Guard to “monitor” the activity of the United States military as they carry out these training maneuvers within the borders of the very country they serve.

You see, apparently quite a few conservatives believe that Jade Helm is a secret government plot by the Obama administration to invade Texas and declare martial law.

Well, when they do land, the Texas Guard apparently won’t be the only ones awaiting their arrival.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to “Operation Counter Jade Helm,” an organized group of a few hundred mentally unstable conservatives who suffer from severe paranoia people who have pledged to monitor the actions of the military as well.

Apparently when President Obama does give the order to invade Texas, they want to be some of the first bugs squashed by the boot of the U.S. military.

According to the Houston Chronicle: 

Eric Johnston, a 51-year-old retired firefighter and sheriff’s deputy who lives in Kerrville, is a surveillance team leader in Texas. He’ll coordinate three groups of volunteers, about 20 folks in total, who hope to monitor the SEALs, Green Berets and Air Force Special Ops in Bastrop, Big Spring and Junction when Jade Helm kicks off on July 15. With media prohibited at the drills, the volunteers could be a main source of information for the highly-anticipate seven-state exercise.

“If a team member sees two Humvees full of soldiers driving through town, they’re going to follow them,” Johnston said. “And they’re going to radio back their ultimate location.”

However, the entire group is being organized by former Marine Pete Lanteri, who will be “headquartered” at his house in Arizona. 

Though – and this is not a joke – Lanteri has apparently been annoyed by the “nut jobs” that have filled his Facebook page talking about concentration camps and other absurd conspiracies.

“Once I saw the freaking nut-jobs coming out of the woodwork I was spending half my day discrediting what they were posting,” Lanteri said. “No nut-jobs will be put in the field.”

Too late. 

See, to him the crazies swarming his Facebook page talking concentration camps and all other sorts of nonsense are “nuts” for believing such ridiculousness. Yet, to people like myself, he and those like him are just as crazy. The way he looks at the “nut jobs” posting about all sorts of completely asinine conspiracies is the same way people like myself look at him, and those like him, organizing efforts to “monitor” the United States military during a training exercise because they don’t “trust the government.”

You really just can’t make this stuff up.

Army Special Operations didn’t even address questions about the civilian surveillance operation, because doing so would give them legitimacy – and the only thing they deserve is to be mocked for their stupidity.


Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


Facebook comments

  • lkb

    Oh, dear, dear. I would not have believed such people existed if I had not just had several of my crazy family members facebook contacts post recent updates on the true objective of the Jade Helm Operation. smh

  • Thunder Panus

    If they have nothing to hide they wont mind these people keeping tabs on them.

    • Creeayshun Sighuntist

      yes, please start tailing HMMWVs, MRAPs and LMTVs of the Armed Forces…that is exceptionally smart. I can’t wait to see how that turns out. Some Texans are probably dumb enough to think this is a good idea…

    • polliwogg

      You’d probably scream holy hell if the government tapped your phone. But, hey, if you have nothing to hide…………


    Greg Abbott’s behavior has been nothing short of despicable. Instead of calling out the nut cases on their lunacy, he has chose to pander to them.

  • Eg Kbbs

    Didn’t realize that FP did satire. But then I see this on Gawker http://phasezero.gawker.com/you-should-be-angry-about-jade-helm-even-if-youre-not-c-1704140447 /snark

    In all seriousness, is anyone bothered that the observer is a sherriff’s deputy ? Organizing teams to monitor special ops, seals, etc. ?

    And what comedian would dare invent a joke that the head is ex-Marine in Arizona and won’t even be near Texas ? And the posts to his FB page are too crazy even for the head ?

    As they said they would, on seeing two Humvees, follow them around, could I suggest getting all the Hummer drivers in the country to converge on Texas and drive around for a few days ?

    • lindylou

      It’s all Obama’s fault. If Bush were serving his umpteenth term of playing president, they would be lined up along the road saluting.

  • Eg Kbbs

    May I add in hopes that the good folk of Texas see this, as UFOs are technology stolen from aliens and kept in Area 51, be sure to keep a watch on the sky and call law enforcement if you see any blinking lights in the sky, contrails, etc. /snark.

  • lindylou

    Abbot blew any chance he might have had to salvage his worthless governorship if he had told those yapping baboons in Bastrup to just shut up and go home. Is that pitiful handful of votes from one of Texas’ backwaters that important?

    • winsmith

      You don’t need an avatar to tell me you’re in your final moments

      • lindylou

        My final moments will still be better than any – all – of yours.

      • winsmith

        Eating cat food, watching Matlock and being force fed placebos is fun to you? To each, their own, I guess.

      • Saint_Augustine

        So you’re admitting all your moments are not as good as eating cat food watching Matlock. It must suck being you.

      • lindylou

        I’m more of a Last Tango in Halifax and Midsomer Murder kind of girl.

  • Chance702

    So you’re saying we should flood his page with even more absurd conspiracies? I like it!

  • lindylou

    ^^^^^^ classic nutcase.

    • winsmith

      Classic senility and ignorance

      Condemnation Without Investigation Is The Height Of Ignorance
      -Albert Einstein

      • xnerd

        Jesus dude everything that nutcase alex claims is debunked within 15 minutes, and he moves on to something new.

        for a conspiracy nut you sure cant tell a paid distraction when one is screaming and pulling his last hair out in your face

      • winsmith

        Still got nothing I see

  • xnerd

    lol…. INFOWARS!