The Terrifying Violation of Biblical Law Completely Ignored by Conservatives

leviticus-bibleWhile much of the focus in the battle for “religious freedom” has been directed toward gay rights, the real “war on religion” isn’t being fought between those who worry about their own lives vs. those who have an odd obsession with the personal lives of homosexuals. Oh, no! The real horrific violations of biblical laws that we’re seeing in this country, the ones that have undone the very fabric of society in such a way that we’re unlikely to ever recover, have been mostly ignored by everyone – even those conservatives who claim to be such devout followers of all things related to the Bible.


Yes, even the supposed “super Christians” have ignored the dreaded Leviticus 19:19:

Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.

Odds are if you’re reading this, you’re wearing some sort of blended fabrics, which clearly means you’re going to burn in hell for all eternity.

But fret not my fellow sinners, because it’s not just those who enjoy stylish clothing who are headed for eternal damnation. If you own any kind of mixed breed animal, such as the often lovable mutt, your soul is also doomed. Who would have ever thought purchasing a Maltipoo was the equivalent of buying a one-way ticket to Satan’s front door?

And I hear those in possession of a mule (a cross between a male donkey and a female horse) are in more trouble than most.

Though it gets worse. We know that those who enjoy comfortable clothing and adorable puppies are headed to the place where it’s summer all year long – for all of eternity – but we also must include any farmer or scientist who dared to do the unthinkable by mixing two different seeds together to create an entirely new plant or fruit. They’ll likely experience the most horrific fate of anyone.

After all, what sort of evil perversion is a plout (plum/apricot) or a limquat (lime/kumquat)? Those sound like the devil incarnate if you ask me.

We cannot allow these abominations to continue to go on. The souls of every man, woman and child in this country are at risk every time a poly-cotton shirt is worn; a child is given a chiweenie for their birthday; or someone dares to take a bit into the sinful grapple (grape/apple).


It’s time we put a stop to those who seek to force these sins upon us, risking all of our souls for the sake of unnatural puppies, clothing and fruits. Because if we don’t, in that moment when we all must meet our maker, we’re going to stroll up to those pearly gates with St. Peter wearing a 100% cotton robe, eating an apple with his purebred lab at his side telling us we’re not allowed to enter because we failed to acknowledge the sins we committed against Leviticus 19:19.

So, the next time you think about slipping on a pair of comfortable pants, buying a dog that defies natural law or eating a fruit that spits in the face of traditional produce, think twice – the morality of this country just might hinge on your decision.

Hit me up on Twitter and let me know if you’ll take the stand against those who support the immoral and unnatural lifestyle of people who continue to support immoral fabrics, ungodly puppies and sinful fruits.



 

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

Comments

Facebook comments

  • billthebrown

    Oh no
    I love Nectarines

  • Tmaximus

    LOL…when you point out biblical edicts they chose to ignore in the How to Hate Guide for Dummies a.k.a. the bible…the bigots get very verklempt at first but then designate your comment as a ‘hater’ for quoting the bible’s edicts that would have most of them burned on a pyre or stoned to death. For some reason they aren’t into terrorizing, killing or enacting laws to punish their cohorts in biblical crimes.

  • Woodrow_Plant

    Doesn’t it depend on the ‘kind’ of kind, like what the definition of ‘is’ is?

  • Bonta-kun

    Maybe they’d rather go up with a basket of fresh cherries.

    After all, we know how much they just lurve to cherry-pick, don’t we…

  • taterbug

    The church I grew up in seemed to be hung up on sex…period. They seem to see the gay person only in a sexual light. Gays deserve to have a good life in all ways. It isn’t just people meeting in bars, it’s jobs, making a home and everything any human would want to achieve. Their view is very narrow.