Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert Just Made the Jade Helm Conspiracy Garbage Even More Ridiculous

louie-gohmertI miss the days when the most you ever heard from ridiculous conspiracy theorists was on the public-access channels on cable, a random flier you might find on your car or when you happened to have an encounter with your creepy neighbor who seemed to always be peeking through their blinds.

Sadly, those days are long gone.

With the rise of the Internet, and more importantly social media, these people – who would otherwise be hiding out in a basement somewhere wearing a tinfoil hat – have now suddenly been given the ability to spew their insanity to the entire world. That’s how this entire Jade Helm conspiracy nonsense grew into “a thing.” And trust me when I say that these people who believe in this absurdity aren’t joking, they honestly believe that the Obama administration is planning to invade Texas (as well as several other states) and declare martial law.

Matters weren’t helped much when Texas Governor Greg Abbott ordered the Texas Guard to monitor the activity of the U.S. military in his state, to ensure nothing suspicious was going on; a move which was so preposterous that it drove former Republican Texas Rep. Todd Smith to write to Abbott begging him to stop “pandering to idiots.”

Even Jon Stewart weighed in, reminding these people that the United States government already controls Texas. 

But just when you thought this entire situation couldn’t get any worse, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) decided he needed to address the situation and prove that he could absolutely make this entire situation even more ludicrous:

Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution. When the federal government begins, even in practice, games or exercises, to consider any U.S. city or state in ‘hostile’ control and trying to retake it, the message becomes extremely calloused and suspicious.

Such labeling by a government that is normally not allowed to use military force against its own citizens is an affront to the residents of that particular state considered as ‘hostile,’ as if the government is trying to provoke a fight with them. The map of the exercise needs to change, the names on the map need to change, and the tone of the exercise needs to be completely revamped so the federal government is not intentionally practicing war against its own states.

Yes, that’s a member of our Congress saying he believes these conspiracy theories have some validity behind them… because of the way the military labeled the map outlying the exercise. And he is apparently very offended that they dared to label some areas that happened to coincide with Republican states (such as Texas) “hostile.”

I just don’t know what to say anymore. Tea party fear-mongering and propaganda has become so over-the-top that some conservatives have been driven even more irrationally paranoid of anything and everything that the military or President Obama himself does.

Apparently the way the military labels a map for an extensive training exercise is now a “legitimate” reason to believe that the federal government is about to declare martial law over several states. I’m sorry, but that’s just flat-out mentally unstable. If you’re someone who honestly believes that the Obama administration is preparing to invade several states to declare martial law – you’re absolutely out of your damn mind.

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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  • Steve Temke

    And Louie Gohmert proves once again why he is known as the stupidest man in Congress.

  • Clintoris

    Why didn’t they do this operation somewhere in New England?If it is all about special forces blending with the population why not do it in more densely populated areas like New York City or Washington D.C.?

    • Dave Taylor

      It’s got nothing to do with blending in with populations or cities, it’s for preparing the Armed Forces to fight in other parts of the world ( Middle East for example) there are no deserts or mountains in D.C.

      • Frank Krise

        other than the desert of knowledge and the mountain of democrat party bullshit

      • Dominick Carlucci

        Said the shithead who supports the idiots on the fright-wing!

      • Frank Krise

        and based upon one post you decided who and what I support……you seem to be climbing that liberal mountain

      • Dominick Carlucci

        “and based upon one post you decided who and what I support..”

        Which is EXACTLY what you did to me!

      • Frank Krise

        really when was that exactly that I decided who and what you support. I made a general statement and you took it up and ran with it you must have felt something in that statement fit you and needed to be justified

      • Frank Krise

        Dominick Carlucci for the record your rush to judgment is noted,You want to blame any and all problems in the world on anyone but the liberals in charge and you will attempt to marginalize anyone who won’t carry the administrations water

      • Dominick Carlucci

        And YOU want to blame EVERYTHING on “liberals”!

      • iowasteve

        LOLOLOLOL – you honestly believe that we should blame the person or group in charge when there is something wrong? Well, how inspiring coming from someone who refuses to blame the problems created by those in charge when THEIR guy was in office. The current guy in charge is still taking the blame for things the previous guy in charge did wrong. You don’t have to worry about someone determining what and who you support – you are doing an excellent job of showing this in your stupid pointless posts. There IS a difference between liberals and conservatives. Liberals think about what they are doing and saying – conservatives just do whatever will support their lunacies in thinking and their pocketbook the best. And your Presidential choices surely prove that point all too well.

      • Frank Krise

        And the six years since have been wonderfully productive for the current Administration with Harry reid standing guard in the senate so that nothing but the administration line got through and a whole chorus of Democrat party parrots repeating exactly what you just said so that the base wouldn’t notice that when anything got through it was a political hack job or a miserable failure that you and yours were quick to blame on anyone but the party in power……
        2 tenths of one percent growth in the economy and the masses of folks who have given up on finding a job because this administration would rather play politics and set up another Democrat than do what is right for the country……And you have the nerve to say the previous president was the problem,He had his faults but hello he hasn’t been in office for over six years where is that recovery or are you advocating the rest of the nation be like Baltimore and Detroit

      • iowasteve

        Hmmm – you either don’t do a very good job of listening to what you idiotic GOP candidates say all the time, or you just choose to ignore facts and figures. When it is brought to a Republican’s attention that the republicans have repeated talked over and over and over that if THEY were in office they woul dhave created tons of jobs because they know HOW to do that – their next excuse is that we are stupid because everyone knows government can’t create jobs. So, either your candidates can and know how to create jobs or they don’t. It seems when debating a democrat, they do, can, and are very versed in job creations – but when they do NOTHING – they claim then that it can’t be done by government. But it is Obama’s fault there are no jobs. How about blaming the one that caused the jobs to go away in the first place. Yes, it was BUSH, not Obama. the jobs were going away and economy crashing when Obama started – NOT after. Things were not as nice when Obama took office as they were when Bush took office. There is a very large difference. And so, YES we ARE blaming the people that destroyed the country for doing it. We are also giving CREDIT to the one in office that has turned much of it around and is on a good course for that result as well. And by the way, he did it WITHOUT any help from the other side.
        I’m not too concerned about Harry Reid blocking things because the GOP blocked every single thing that Obama and the democrats tried to do for 6 years!!
        Romney, the idiot, insisted that he could bring the employment numbers back to normal because he KNOWS how to create jobs. Yes, we are talking about the same Romney that eliminated tons of jobs in his previous employment. He knows how to get rid of jobs, but obviously not so much about creating them.
        The government is NOT an one time event in a single city likek the Olympics – the US government is not a single state like one of the smaller states in the union – Massachusetts. And he also created a small version of Obamacare for THAT state while he was running it.
        He would not have made a good POTUS because he didn’t have the experience to do it and certainly did NOT understand (according to the current GOP) how to create jobs – because the POTUS can’t do that. But the POTUS can take the blame for not doing something he can’t do.

      • LeeAnn Gerleman

        I really wish the liberals WERE in charge. Obama’s a Centrist, Hillary is usually quite centrist. although she’s soundiing more left than usual.

  • good_reader1

    If he didn’t like the names attached to the states I recommend Texas as politicians dumb ass state and Utah as religious theocracy. As a Veteran military exercises are just that, names don’t mean anything, when they fight and are named red army or blue army there are only names.

  • Keith

    We used to lock the old crazy aunts and uncles up in the attic, but it seems now we have to elect them to Congress so that they can get medical care.

    • Christopher

      LMAO This is BRILLIANT!

      Totally sharing this comment.

  • Huel Nevrgetum

    Are these the same nutjobs that say Bush blew up the twin towers for oil????

    • buricco

      You have the looney left and the looney right, though fortunately most people have the sense to ignore the lunatics on the left.

      • 2Smart2bGOP

        Mostly because they are less lunatic than the looney right.

      • buricco

        That too. Though sometimes the looney right gets ideas from the looney left, e.g., antivaxxing, living off the grid and “all natural”, never registering their kids’ existence

      • Marilyn Olsen Scheffler

        Really?? I haven’t heard any “looney left” making these stupid statements!! Not that they never have—–but in Texas—-it’s the looney right that runs the show here—-sad to say!!!

      • Frank Krise

        so you can’t hear your own voice

      • buricco

        We at least have lefties downstate to moderate the wingnuts up here…thankfully.

      • LeeAnn Gerleman

        Marilyn, you are probably like me. I am probably right in the middle of the looney left. I have never heard anything that I noticed as looney. I think it makes perfect sense. Of course, I don’t believe in the antivaxxers, but living off the grid sounds like a good idea to me. solar power, is that looney left? What about climate change is that looney left?

      • LeeAnn Gerleman

        I must have not noticed the looney left, as I probably fit in well with them. what looney things have they come up with? And why haven’t I heard them? Oh, because I probably think its logical. At least the looney left is not filled with conspiracists.

      • buricco

        I’ve known someone who’s absolutely left who believes in chemtrails and stuff. And antivaxxers and offthegridders were once a leftie phenomenon (still somewhat are, though they’re more associated with the religious right now).

      • LeeAnn Gerleman

        As a looney lefter myself, I have to say chemtrails, etc. are a bit looney. but I never associated that with the left, I associated that stuff with the looney right that thinks that everything around them is because the govt is wanting to take over. those chemtrails are brainwashing us, or making us gay or something. I think climate change, off grid, solar, water, wind power are logical. I believe in income redistribution, health care for all, a warm house and decent food for everybody, regardless of income. free education also. So call me crazy, but I’m happy with it. lol

      • Matthew Reece

        If you want to see looney left, read Ward Churchill.

  • Dan Pezzulo

    Why is this idiot in any position of authority. He shouldn’t be elected as dogcatcher (with apologies to dogcatchers everywhere – you’re miles ahead of this cretin in everyway!)