The Republican Excuse For Saying Horrible Things? “It’s Just Satire”

impliedfacepalmDo you struggle with Satiring™? Do you find yourself having to say “It’s a joke” time and time again, because people don’t understand your humor? Have you been punched in the face, or called a word banned by Google Adsense, simply for using a racial epithet, or sharing your beliefs about the LGBT community’s sinister agenda? Well, struggle no more! Todd Kincannon, former executive director of the South Carolina Republican party, and world-famous Twit, would like to teach you, yes YOU, how to use satire. Recent graduate of The Todd Kincannon School for Satire™, ex-GOP congressman Joe Walsh, used techniques he learned during Week Six to defend his Twit moment this week, telling his radio audience he was “exaggerating,” and “using satire” to make a point. The point he made, by the way, was that the “appeasing cowards” at CNN, MSNBC, “etal {sic]” should be beheaded by Islamic extremists.

Were thin-skinned liberals upset by the former congressman’s remarks? You betcha! But no need, because Walsh was Satiring™. Once you enroll in The Todd Kincannon School for Satire™, you will learn how to say or write anything you want, and defend it by calling it satire. Here are some examples from Todd Kincannon himself:

There are people who respect transgender rights. And there are people who think you should all be put in a camp. That’s me.

The only things I hate these days are commies, trannies, and most Muslims.

This Super Bowl sucks more dick than adult Trayvon Martin would have for drug money.

Can we just cut through the political correct B.S. and all agree that Wendy Davis is just a great big whore?

If you gasped at the hate, the misogyny, and the bigotry, you don’t understand Todd. He’s joking! He’s using satire to cloak his horrible comments, and he can teach you how to do the same. The Todd Kincannon School for Satire™ will show you how to get away with spewing racism, virulent hate, calling for members of the transgender community to be “put in a camp,” and insult a dead African American teenager, all under the guise of satire! If you’re finally ready to step out of the shadows, and embrace your soulless and pathetic psyche, call 1-999-TODDSTER. Todd Kincannon’s six-week course is being offered for the introductory price of $12,000, so call now.

There really isn’t any such animal as The Todd Kincannon School for Satire. Satiring isn’t an actual word. I have no idea what will happen if you call 1-999-TODDSTER. What is real is the Pissed Off White Conservative Man Twitter Club™. Very angry white conservative men are using Twitter as some sort of hate hammer, banging away at anything and everything brown-skinned, liberal, LGBT, non-fundamentalist Christian, and pretty much anyone who doesn’t look, vote, talk, pray, or think the way they do. And when they get caught, they scream “SATIRE!”

Except it’s not satire. Please allow me to share some verified satire with you, then some non-satire, so you can see the difference. First up, this wonderful piece from Andy Borowitz:

Obama Names Asshole Czar to Deal with McConnell
WASHINGTON – President Obama said today that he would appoint a so-called “Asshole Czar” to deal with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. The czar, who has yet to be named, is expected to coordinate White House communications with a broad array of assholes, including House Speaker John Boehner and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “To make the next two years as productive as possible, it’s essential that I work with the Republican leadership,” the President said. “I just don’t want to be in the same room as those dicks.”

This is satire. It uses spicy language and biting humor to poke up at members of the establishment, in this case, right wing politicians. Next up, The Onion:

Obama originally planned to spend the entirety of his speech individually criticizing every member of Congress


WASHINGTON—After allegedly clashing with the commander-in-chief behind closed doors over the past several months, Michelle Obama has been quietly reassigned to a position within the Department of Agriculture, White House sources confirmed Wednesday. “We appreciate everything Michelle has done in the West Wing, but she and the president haven’t been seeing eye to eye on a number of key issues, so we agreed it was time for her to move on and put her skills to use elsewhere,” said White House press secretary John Earnest, adding that while the two have had their differences of opinion, the president still has the utmost respect for her service and wishes her the best of luck going forward. “Michelle has been part of the Obama White House since the beginning, and we are grateful for that. However, the time was right for her to pursue a new direction. We know she has a lot to offer, and we’re confident she will be a great fit in her new role at the Department of Agriculture.” At press time, the president was reportedly planning to tap Pennsylvania Sen. Bob Casey to fill the role of first lady.

Okay? Okay. We have set the parameters by identifying what is good (possibly great) satire. One quick note about The Onion. In 2012, a Republican congressman from Louisiana named John Fleming, fell for an Onion article. This Onion article. Remember the “abortionplex?” Fleming thought Planned Parenthood was really building one, and posted the link on his Facebook page. As fact.

Moving on, let’s look at some examples of non-satire. To view horrible non-satire, please scroll back up and read Todd Kincannon’s Tweets again.

Thank you.

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is the creator of The Bachmann Diaries: Satirical Excerpts from Michele Bachmann's Fictional Diary. She hates writing about herself in the third person. Erin enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with family. And wombats. Come visit Erin on on Facebook. She also can be found on Twitter at @WriterENanasi.


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