The Republican Ten Commandments

1545695_10152161019437489_774322147_nI hold a firm belief that religion and politics should never be mixed.  These are two subjects that by themselves are controversial enough, let alone mixing them together.  Our Founding Fathers knew this, which is probably why they didn’t use the word “Christianity” even once in our Constitution.  Our First Amendment clearly states that, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…” and individuals like Thomas Jefferson had several documented instances where they said there should be a strict separation of church and state.

Like I’ve said before, even within Christianity there are many different denominations, so if we can’t agree within the same faith on what to believe — who in their right mind would believe one faith should rule this country?

Well as most of us know, Republicans make a clear effort to inject religion into their policy making as much as possible.  I guess I should clarify that because it’s not entirely accurate: when it comes to social policies, Republicans try to inject religion as much as possible.  When it comes to economic policies then they suddenly forget that Jesus Christ spoke out against greed and focused on the responsibility a society has to its poor, needy, sick and elderly.

And it’s clear to anyone who follows me that I don’t consider most conservatives actual Christians.  I believe they follow what I call “Republicanity.”  It’s what reality shows me.  It’s a mix of political ideologies tossed in with a handful of passages from the Bible.  Because let’s be honest — when it comes to the Bible, everyone (who’s Christian anyway) picks and chooses which passages they want to follow and which they don’t.

That being said, I thought it might be fun to write the “Republican Ten Commandments” based on what the GOP seems to stand for.  Sure, there are many really kind, caring conservative voters out there — but they still vote for a party that’s anything but.  It just baffles me how so many Americans vote against their own interests.

So, based on what the GOP stands for, I present to you the Republican Ten Commandments:

  1. Thou shalt worship no other Americans but Ronald Reagan.
  2. Thou shalt pay no attention to the fact that tax rates have nothing to do with capitalism.  Remember, we were in fact a nation based on socialism before 1980 when our savior was elected.
  3. To speak ill of Ronald Reagan means you are not a real conservative.
  4. Thou shalt honor Ayn Rand’s economic ideologies, but ignore the fact that she was an atheist who thought religious people were fools.
  5. Thou shalt respect your mother and father by ensuring that we privatize Social Security and Medicare so that private corporations can profit from these programs.
  6. Guns are the only means of salvation.  Thou shalt live in fear every moment that someone is out to get you.
  7. Though adultery and divorce are acceptable and frequent occurrences (especially in “strongly conservative” states), it is same-sex marriage that will ultimately destroy the traditional family and ruin the sanctity of marriage.
  8. Women are to be treated as subservient to men.  Their rights will be determined by panels consisting entirely of males as it is clear men know more, and are better suited to determine female equality and how to handle women’s health.
  9. The poor are but leeches on society seeking a handout from everybody else.  The rich suffer the greatest burden of all and it is your responsibility to ensure that the rich are properly taken care of, for they are the job creators.
  10. Thou shalt remember that greed is good, the poor are lazy, gays are bad, women are wicked, Rush Limbaugh is a respectable citizen, Sarah Palin is intelligent and George W. Bush was a great president.

These “Ten Commandments” have been sponsored by the Koch brothers, big oil, Fox News, FreedomWorks and the Heritage Foundation.  Any attempt to discredit this list of sacred rules is just a liberal conspiracy to destroy the United States of America.


Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • guest

    Funny article. Btw I’m sorry you live in Texas.

    • Denise A. Thomas Mower

      My condolences on your Texas residency as well. I stay out of red states…it is not safe for women in those places.

      • Kim Serrahn

        ain’t that the truth.

      • Melania Gulley

        It isn’t safe for sane, intelliegent people of any gender in Texas. I was born and raised there was so glad when I left

      • Bob Lillie

        Congratulation on your escape……. If its bad, it usually happens in Texas…..

    • Aloanstar

      Actually, it’s a great state, but it needs a lot of house cleaning and a good paint job…preferably blue.

  • shopper

    sad, but too true

  • Sara Collier Jensen

    You forgot the commandment that science, especially climate and evolution, are liberal hoaxes perpetuated for some vague, unintelligible liberal agenda and must be denied

    • RINOVirus

      More like any thing that does not fit into their narrowly defined worldview is false, and a commie scheme.

    • Stephen Barlow

      Thou shalt NOT consult science.

  • Phil the observer

    You forgot one…”I am the Dollar, thou shalt not worship any other God before me”

    • Stephen Barlow

      THAT’s more like it!

    • Jerry

      And how about “Thou shalt not lie unless it is about President Obama or what/who we really represent”?

  • Llamoure

    4. Thou shalt honor Ayn Rand’s economic ideologies, but ignore the fact that she was an atheist who thought religious people were fools. And ignore the fact that she collected Social Security.

    • Sandy Greer

      Yeah; that & #6 (Guns are the only means of salvation) made me LOL

    • Marty Cox

      GOOD comment!

      • Llamoure

        Shut up Marty and go back to beating your fat wife.

    • Stephen Barlow

      Wasn’t that really just a tax refund?

      Are not ALL SocSec benefits really just FICA TAX REFUNDS? With interest?

    • She has often described why she collected Social Security; it was her money, taken through the application of coercion under Governments monopoly of force.

  • Pipercat

    Should have used a picture of Mel Brooks, instead….

  • Marymennenga

    When you’re right you’re right! The truth is painful, the congress is paid way too much, for how little they will be working this year. Which is even less than last year, talking about a waste of taxpayers money let start with defunding cuts at congress first. There was a time when both the House and Senate worked harder at passing bills, that would have a chance at becoming law. Twenty years ago voter turnout was very low now that voter turnout is better some State are trying to make it harder to vote, by putting conditions on what kind of ID was needed to qualify as proof to allow you to vote! To me it seems odd that the right to vote is not the same in every state, making some people waiting for hours in line to vote make no sense to me. Unless you are afraid of losing.

    • Stephen Barlow

      I think Congress should be paid by donations, like street dancers and mimes. These people are all relatively independently wealthy, so they take $1 annual salary, + tips. Which they must report both the source and the amount.

      In a good year, they get more than a stipend, in a Boehner year, they make less than the bucket man who cleans windshields @ Red Lights.

  • PRIME79

    Ha! Nice.

  • Stephen Cecrle

    Since the majority of Republicans and Democrats both work for the same corporations, we can safely replace the word REPUBLICANS with the word POLITICIANS and get a more accurate description of what’s actually going down here… Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren in 2016.

    And LMAO!

  • moe/larry & curly keys

    eleven: JEEEESUS is now truly understood– through OUR interpretations– to have hated the poor; hated gays; hated the elderly and sick. JEEEESUS even today wants JEEEESUS fully running our smaller ( SEE: larger at times) government.
    NOTE: do NOT notice that the 10 commandments make clear that using GODS name IN VAIN is a sin of huge magnitude; but RAPE is not mentioned

    • Mighty ‘kid diddler’ Tegu

      Says the guy who was convicted of looking at images of children online. Sick perverts like you are always looking for a loophole.
      Nice selfie you sick freak.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        hey!!! crybaby gian!!!! still admiring me by creating MORE profiles with my moniker??? awwww…………little fella: still crying that U aren’t a large man that women like; that U have no money,,,, awwwww,,,,,,,, how was church today??? did U give of yourself to that house of VOODOO?

    • Kim Serrahn

      Cause of those fools don’t believe rape actually happens.

      • moe/larry & curly keys

        and dinosaurs lived with humans,,,,, and noah got all the animals to live in harmony on a BIIIIIIG boat for over a month— then was successful in dispersing them to OTHER continents!! ,,,,,,,,did I mention a dried out guy arising from the dead to become GOD?? PRAISE JEEEESUS

  • Denise A. Thomas Mower

    I just threw up in my mouth a little…

  • Pennsylvanianne

    ROTFLMAO! Good one!

  • Allen Clifton

    11. Download a picture of Joe Biden, print it out, then wipe your drippy manhood all over it.

    • moe/larry & curly keys

      awwwww—-crybaby still making more fake profiles? hows the nightly onanism for you?

  • Erin Weldon

    You need to add to #4 that Ayn Rand lived on social security when she was old enough to get it. I wonder how Paul Ryan explains that.

  • Aaron Sieben

    And the alternative Democrats enthusiastically espouse is European style social democracy!! Great idea….NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Clifton is just as biased and misdirected as anyone he criticizes!!

    • Samuel Thiel

      I was born, raised and educated in Texas. I moved to Europe in 1972 and have lived in a European style social democracy for the last 37 years, Germany. I would not return to the madhouse of knee-jerk conservatism that Texas has become if you paid me for the rest of my life. Just what do you know about social democracy, Mr. Sieben?

      • Marilyn Olsen Scheffler

        I’ve lived in Texas for 40 years and if I had the chance to get out of here I would do it in a heartbeat. You wouldn’t even recognize this place and the people that it is being controlled by are right wing religious fanatic conservatives that think they should be sure that everyone here follows their ideas and beliefs! I feel like I have gone back in time about 100 years. It is simply unbelievable!

  • D Scott

    ROTF!.. OMG i am laffing sooo hard…Allen you are sooo going to burn in someones ‘hell’ but later…!!.. lol.. you DID forget teh whole world is 6000 years old and dinosaurs walked with Adam and Eve… but other than that ROTF!

  • MoreCowbellBitch

    I love this whole war on women thing. I wish this site had facts without any fallacies or hardcore bias.

    • MoreCowbellBitch

      also divorce rates among catholic households are 31%, protestants 35%, and jewish about 25%. Liberal Logic 101

      • Melania Gulley

        where is your proof on those numbers by denominations. with credible sources

  • Edward Krebbs

    Agree with your list of the 10. But can’t help but jump forward to the New Testament, in the Gospels, where Jesus said you cannot serve God and mammon (money)

  • u_go_guys

    Our country would run so much better if religion would be kept out of it. The founding fathers did not want it, not even the Christian religion. It is just too contentious especially as our country becomes more and more diversified. Everyone should be entitled to worship, or not to worship, peacefully, and without force, and without doing harm psychologically or physically to others with whom a group disagrees. To try to get a whole population, by state or country, to conform to one set of beliefs is just insane…and dangerous. The Christians decry “Sharia Law”, but are persistent in their efforts to install “Christian Sharia Law”. Why can’t or won’t they see the conflict/irony/hypocrisy?

    • Melania Gulley

      faith = brain washing for the brainless.. sorry.. logic and faith can not walk hand in hand

  • fairness_rules

    Love it, and so true!

  • RINOVirus

    Your should add to number 4 that they should also forget that Ayn Rand supported abortion.

  • materlady

    Sadly you have really revealed the truth. Can’t believe the hero worship of Reagan. Have seen and read documents about his odd theories. Only thing I was glad was when he made it possible for the Reverse Mortgage loans to be done. Nancy was a new age type who believed in channeling. The trickle down economics failed miserably. Unfortunately Texas where I live and have lived almost all of my life didn’t always follow the ones they do now. Also Christian friends of mine see nothing wrong with divorcing and remarrying many times until you marry the one God really meant for you! And many are Cafeteria Christians, only picking out what they want from the Bible.

    • Altreg01

      They are ALL cherry pickers except for the few fundie whackos like Kirk Cam-moron and his ilk

      • Odd Jørgensen

        little Kirk-boy has no issues with disregarding what jesus said about rich folk not getting into heaven,camel and needle etc

  • Pat Wenner

    i would like to know who is she to judge?

  • John Bottomley

    Thou shalt turneth every argument lost towards insult.
    Thou shalt link nonsense to nonsense therein creating republican sense.
    Thou shalt blameth as thou are always above all blame.
    Thou shalt practice patience, for the sinner shalt always attempt to legislate based upon facts and not faith.

  • Stephen Barlow

    While this may be true, it’s still pretty stupid.

  • Altreg01

    I could run this list accurately to 20 or more, but leaving out cimate change/big oil form the top 10 is blasphemy. You are sentenced to watching Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty until you get it right. ‘Murica!!!

  • Roger Rinesmith

    So, based on what the Liberals stands for, I present to you the Liberal Ten Commandments:

    1. Thou shalt worship no other Americans but President Clinton and her husband Bill.

    2. Thou shalt tax the hell out of the rich. The rich are those who make more than I do.

    3.To speak ill of Obama means you are a racist.

    4. Thou shalt blame George Bush for everything for the next 50 years.

    5. Thou shalt revere the fair and balanced journalism of Rachel Maddow.

    6. Thou shalt NOT privatize anything (such as Social Security, Medicare, Health Care). As we know, the government has done a such a stellar job of managing its budget, the VA healthcare system, banking regulations, etc that we don’t want to give that control to individuals — even if corporations are involved as they could not possibly do a better job than the federal government.

    7. Anything goes when it “comes” to sexual morality — as long as it will get us votes. Today same-sex marriage and if tomorrow we can get more votes from those that support multiple (polygamist marriages), then we are for that too.

    8. Human (and Woman’s) rights will be determined by activists on the court — unless those women are still in the womb and in that case we don’t give a shit about them.

    9. The GOP and the rich don’t give a damn about the poor and the GOP and the rich should open THEIR wallets and care for them. And, while your at it, can you give me some too.

    10. Thou shalt remember that everyone is greedy (except for us), there is not a single poor person who’s fault it is that they are poor (it’s those GOP bastards fault) gays were born that way, white conservatives are wicked, Rachel Maddow and Nancy Pelosi are not card carrying feminists with political agendas, Attorney General Eric Holder is the greatest AG and Obama (or any President as long as he is a liberal democrat) can change the current law or make new laws without getting approval from congress.

    • gian keys LOVES shemale porn

      #11
      ………….. bring back those stellar republican federal policies of the past 25 yrs and watch America return to the growth of 2000-2008

      • Cliff Herring

        What GROWTH??? Forbes Magazine,that BASTION of liberal economics,printed a report last month how Obama’s 6 yrs. to date,has out performed Dubya’s 8 in EVERY category,from reducing unemployment to private sector job creation!! You cons are in TOTAL denial!!!

      • JOHN McCARTHY NUDE ARREST

        cliff baybeee,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, U should read the post I responded to; my superb sarcasm is showing up by adding ( sarcastically) how “well” we did in bushes tenure
        =====================================
        cmon dude………..do U really think anyone with a brain says BUSH was successful??
        now– for your punishment (???!!!???) U must look up MARILYN LANGE photos
        ————————————————————
        most beautiful woman ever

      • Cliff Herring

        Sorry,old boy! My nerves are totally frazzled by all the nonsense and b.s I have to wade through!

  • James Hendrixs

    I know its supposed to be comedy, but my next door neighbor believes every one of those ‘commandments’, he’s a paranoid, delusional, racist that scares the hell out of us! I’m considering calling tip-line and reporting his place to be a drug house – let the goons kick in his door!

  • Steve Brains

    Nice to see this again.

  • Diana Reichardt

    That pretty much sums it up.

  • Cathryn Sykes

    I love people who swear they “live” by the words in the Bible. Try this little test…I used it on one such lady a few days ago. Ask this question: “When Moses came down from Mt. Sinai and saw people worshiping a Golden Calf, he told the Israelites they’d have to make a choice. God or the Golden Calf? A lot of people decided to stick with the Calf. What happened to them?” The lady said, “Well, the ground opened up and they fell into the fires of hell.” No, they didn’t. That’s what happened in Cecil B. DeMillie’s movie, The Ten Commandments. Very cinematic. Very scary in Technicolor. But in actuality, in the Bible, Moses simply tells his followers to draw their knives and slaughter all those who chose the Calf. About three thousand of them. “Cut their throats.” And the adherents of Moses did exactly that….to their friends, sons, daughters, father, mothers, brothers and sisters. I think actually showing THAT on screen would have shocked the hell out of theatre goers in 1959. So DeMille went with long shots of a few people falling into cracks in the ground. “I live by what’s written in the Bible.” Right. As expressed by Hollywood.