Sure, there are the far-right clowns like Sen. Ted Cruz or Mike Huckabee who seem to remind people of their absurdity practically every time they open their mouth, but there’s also candidates like Sen. Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush who have recently proven that they can’t even handle interviews on Fox News without making themselves look completely foolish.
As a Republican, if you can’t handle Fox News interviews, you’re absolutely screwed.
But let’s look at this list so far, shall we?
First up we have Cruz, who’s easily the most dishonest politician in our government and someone whose rhetoric was so over-the-top that it managed to frighten a little girl in attendance at one of his speeches. And that doesn’t even get into the fact that he honestly seems to live in some realm of reality that only exists in his own mind.
Then there’s Sen. Rand Paul. Let’s face it, if his father wasn’t Ron Paul, none of us would even know who he is. So far his campaign has seemed incredibly immature and he’s somehow trying to walk the impossible path between the libertarian ideologies of his father while still pandering to war-loving, LGBT-hating evangelical Christians. He seems to be solid when given a prepared speech, but often comes off looking like a complete buffoon whenever he’s forced to actually think on his own.
Next up is Rubio, the guy who somehow managed to give a worse answer to the question, “Was it a mistake to go into Iraq?” than Jeb Bush did. Not only that, but he’s another one who seems to fumble and stumble anytime he’s outside of his comfort zone.
After those three we have Dr. Ben Carson, a guy who literally has no qualifications to be president and doesn’t seem to understand a thing about the Constitution. Seriously, what qualifications does he have to become the most powerful man in the world?
Then there’s Carly Fiorina, the woman who almost single-handedly drove HP into the ground. Not only was she horrible at her job, she managed to layoff 30,000 workers while tripling her own salary and buying five new corporate jets. Oh, she was finally forced out as CEO… but only after being given around a $40 million “golden parachute” before exiting. Again, I’m not sure what makes her qualified to become president.
And we can’t forget the southern charmer himself, former governor of Arkansas and Fox News host Mike Huckabee. It seems Huckabee believes that legalizing gay marriage is going to bring about some sort of horrific vengeance from God and he’s not opposed to standing on top of a mountain to call down fire from heaven on all of those “false prophets” who would dare oppose his interpretation of the Bible. No, seriously, he said that. Just don’t ask him to give an example of how same-sex marriage has hurt the states where it’s currently legal, because then he’ll just make an absolute fool out of himself.
Then we have the yet-to-announce, but very likely, candidates like Jeb Bush, Rick Perry and Scott Walker.
In just the last few weeks Jeb has quickly reminded the country just how embarrassing it was having a Bush in the White House and how we damn sure don’t need to make that mistake again.
Here’s a bit of advice for all of these Republican candidates: If someone asks if you would still go to war in Iraq – you say no.
Then there’s Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, the only guy I who I believe can give Jeb a run for his money – though I have no idea why. I’m not going to pretend like I follow Wisconsin politics enough to know a great deal about Walker, but from everything I’ve come across, I’m shocked that he even got re-elected this past November. The state has a huge deficit problem, he’s gutted unions, trampled on teachers, the economy in the state isn’t all that great and he’s not exactly overwhelmingly popular. Not to mention he’s proven himself to be a serial liar. It honestly baffles me how so many seem to think he would make a decent president.
When I look at these candidates, all I can honestly do is shake my head. Seriously, is this the best Republicans can come up with?
Look, I’m not expecting any of these Republican candidates to come out and win me over on many issues – that’s just not going to happen with the ignorance and bigotry that runs the GOP – but can we at least get a candidate from that party who doesn’t come off sounding like a babbling idiot or lying psychopath nearly every time they open their mouth?
In the current day and age of the Republican party, that honestly might be too much to ask for.