Tube Socks, NSA Blockers And More: A Look At 5 Ridiculous Things Rand Paul Wants You To Buy

rand-paul-scary.jpgIn case you weren’t paying attention, the first day of Sen. Rand Paul’s official candidacy for President of the United States did not exactly go smoothly. His entire announcement came off more like a sideshow rather than an event that people should take seriously. Heck, they couldn’t even make it a couple of hours before someone noticed that his campaign’s website misspelled “education” in a section outlying his “plans” to improve our education system. Granted it was just a gaffe, but that’s still not a good way to kickstart your campaign.

Well, after Paul’s big announcement I decided to browse around his website a bit to see what he had to offer. And all I can say is… wow. 

Not that the propaganda and rhetoric on the site were anything I didn’t expect, but some of the items Paul is selling to raise money are absolutely ridiculous.

For example, if you feel so inclined you can purchase a pair of Rand Paul embroidered tube socks for $15 per pair. Because who doesn’t need a single pair of $15 tube socks with Rand Paul’s name on them?

But if that’s not your thing, how about a 35″x54″ woven blanket with Rand Paul’s image for just $75? I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds this one a tad creepy.

However, if those didn’t tickle your fancy, how about the “Don’t Drone Me, Bro!” t-shirt? The fact that he’s selling this is a bit ironic considering he once supported the idea of using a drone to kill someone who allegedly robbed a liquor store of $50.

Don’t worry, I’ve saved the best two for last. Next up is a legitimate “NSA Blocker” for the reasonable price of $15. What this “genius” invention does is block the front-facing camera on your laptop so that the nefarious NSA can’t “spy” on you while you’re doing… whatever it is that you do with your laptop. But have no fear, if $15 is a bit too costly, the exact same thing can be accomplished with less than a 1/4″ of masking tape placed over your computer’s camera.

Scotch tape might even work if you use a couple of layers. Of course it wouldn’t have Rand Paul’s wonderful logo on it, but Sharpies work wonders – use your imagination.

Last but certainly not least is apparently the prized jewel of the “Rand Paul for President” collection – an autographed pocket-sized replica of our Constitution for the “reasonable” price of $1,000. 

Yes, you heard that right folks, for just $1,000 you could be the owner of something that Paul has probably never even read, and even if he has, he clearly doesn’t understand it.

I know I use the word “clown” often enough when describing members of the Republican party, but Paul defines the term. While Ted Cruz is a delusional fool, Paul is just someone who’s clearly in way over his head. How can anyone want him to be president when he doesn’t even seem to know what kind of president he would be?

Luckily for all of us, there’s basically no chance in hell Paul comes anywhere close to the GOP nomination, let alone the White House. The truth is, while he might perform better than his father did during the GOP primaries, being slightly better than last isn’t exactly something of which to be proud. And when all is said and done, that’s exactly where Rand Paul is going to finish.

Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.


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