Tube Socks, NSA Blockers And More: A Look At 5 Ridiculous Things Rand Paul Wants You To Buy

rand-paul-scary.jpgIn case you weren’t paying attention, the first day of Sen. Rand Paul’s official candidacy for President of the United States did not exactly go smoothly. His entire announcement came off more like a sideshow rather than an event that people should take seriously. Heck, they couldn’t even make it a couple of hours before someone noticed that his campaign’s website misspelled “education” in a section outlying his “plans” to improve our education system. Granted it was just a gaffe, but that’s still not a good way to kickstart your campaign.


Well, after Paul’s big announcement I decided to browse around his website a bit to see what he had to offer. And all I can say is… wow. 

Not that the propaganda and rhetoric on the site were anything I didn’t expect, but some of the items Paul is selling to raise money are absolutely ridiculous.

For example, if you feel so inclined you can purchase a pair of Rand Paul embroidered tube socks for $15 per pair. Because who doesn’t need a single pair of $15 tube socks with Rand Paul’s name on them?

But if that’s not your thing, how about a 35″x54″ woven blanket with Rand Paul’s image for just $75? I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds this one a tad creepy.

However, if those didn’t tickle your fancy, how about the “Don’t Drone Me, Bro!” t-shirt? The fact that he’s selling this is a bit ironic considering he once supported the idea of using a drone to kill someone who allegedly robbed a liquor store of $50.

Don’t worry, I’ve saved the best two for last. Next up is a legitimate “NSA Blocker” for the reasonable price of $15. What this “genius” invention does is block the front-facing camera on your laptop so that the nefarious NSA can’t “spy” on you while you’re doing… whatever it is that you do with your laptop. But have no fear, if $15 is a bit too costly, the exact same thing can be accomplished with less than a 1/4″ of masking tape placed over your computer’s camera.

Scotch tape might even work if you use a couple of layers. Of course it wouldn’t have Rand Paul’s wonderful logo on it, but Sharpies work wonders – use your imagination.

Last but certainly not least is apparently the prized jewel of the “Rand Paul for President” collection – an autographed pocket-sized replica of our Constitution for the “reasonable” price of $1,000. 


Yes, you heard that right folks, for just $1,000 you could be the owner of something that Paul has probably never even read, and even if he has, he clearly doesn’t understand it.

I know I use the word “clown” often enough when describing members of the Republican party, but Paul defines the term. While Ted Cruz is a delusional fool, Paul is just someone who’s clearly in way over his head. How can anyone want him to be president when he doesn’t even seem to know what kind of president he would be?

Luckily for all of us, there’s basically no chance in hell Paul comes anywhere close to the GOP nomination, let alone the White House. The truth is, while he might perform better than his father did during the GOP primaries, being slightly better than last isn’t exactly something of which to be proud. And when all is said and done, that’s exactly where Rand Paul is going to finish.




Allen Clifton

Allen Clifton is a native Texan who now lives in the Austin area. He has a degree in Political Science from Sam Houston State University. Allen is a co-founder of Forward Progressives and creator of the popular Right Off A Cliff column and Facebook page. Be sure to follow Allen on Twitter and Facebook, and subscribe to his channel on YouTube as well.

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  • Flat Banana

    You all claim republicans criticize everything barry does, but you are doing the same exact thing. There is no difference in his items than the ones sold at other presidential campaigns. I would rather donate and receive an item than shell out $20k or more to listen to barry or Hillary lie at a dinner for an hour.

    • ironman2819

      …I was going to ask but clearly yes… you are that stupid.

      • Flat Banana

        A post without facts or weight is a waste of time. Thank you for sharing your concise input.

      • ironman2819

        Well we obviously disagree on the definition of “facts” then.

      • Charles Vincent

        You wouldn’t know facts if they smashed your teeth out with a brick wrapped in a note saying it was the facts that threw the brick.

      • ironman2819

        eat a brick

      • Charles Vincent

        Nah you seem to be doing that well enough chief.

      • ironman2819

        when it comes to facts… of course I am doing better than you.

      • Charles Vincent

        Haha the only facts you have are of the I said so variety.

      • ironman2819

        heres a fact for you… you are a cling on in this thread. not even the original poster to whom I was referring. You… are a troll. That is a fact.

        …and any response would only prove my point because that is exactly what a troll would do.

      • Charles Vincent

        Circular logic much chief.

      • ironman2819

        My point exactly!

      • Charles Vincent

        I don’t think you understand your argument is fallacious. It is a logical fallacy argument call circular logic or circular argumentation.

      • ironman2819

        …that’s only because you can’t seem to shut up… you keep responding with nothing to say. you are a perfect example of a troll. Always have to get the last word in just to prove something to yourself whatever that may be to feed your fragile ego.

        Accept it. You are a troll

      • Charles Vincent

        Says the person who uses logical fallacy argumentation. GG chief

      • ironman2819

        See… you just can’t shut up… you have to have the last word… you are a troll.

      • Charles Vincent

        Hahahaha if I were trolling you, you wouldn’t know because you’re too myopic. Keep repeating it maybe you might get people to believe it.

      • ironman2819

        See.. you are just a troll with nothing to say.

      • Charles Vincent

        Actually I do and I said it already, i my first post to you.

      • ironman2819

        that was then, this is now troll. you just can’t stand not having the last word in a conversation.

      • Charles Vincent

        Wait … I think I just heard the whammbulance…

      • Charles Vincent

        Apparently you aren’t familiar with the word “if” and how it works in the context of my post. Please take a remedial English class.

      • ironman2819

        See… you just can’t help yourself. You just can’t shut up. Always having to have the last word. You just proved another point. Troll.

      • Charles Vincent

        Argument from repetition, and you saying it doesn’t make it true.

      • ironman2819

        But you always seem to have to have the last word… so it isn’t so much that I repeat myself, it is more to the point that you can’t help yourself.

      • Charles Vincent

        I can do what I want and its fun making you look foolish when you make inane comments chief.

    • Jeff Mitcler

      Okay. “Donate” me 50 bucks & I’ll send you a republican brain. My drive way is full of them. It also doubles as a paperweight. And……makes great slingshot ammo for the coming Gay Mexican/Muslim Zombie Attack that your Fox News has been warning you about every 15 minutes.

  • Pipercat

    5000 for a replica of that thing on his head might bring in a few shekels!

    • Charles Vincent

      I see a couple of the 7 things mentioned in a list I saw on my feed in this little Tur… er gem of an article.

      • Pipercat

        Hey, a red octopus is far more interesting than red herrings!!!

      • Charles Vincent

        No wai.