It’s about that time again for the “War On Christmas” as Fox News and all of the poor, persecuted religious conservatives like to call it. In case you didn’t know, apparently (according to Fox News) there’s a huge conspiracy by us godless atheist liberals to remove Christ from Christmas.
While the logistics of it aren’t completely figured out by Rupert Murdoch’s screeching
minions pundits who often seem to be promoting a book at the time, one thing seems to be abundantly clear: liberals HATE Christmas – and there’s a way to stop them if you just buy this book. What a coincidence that they so handily have a solution to the problem they just told you about. Yes, it’s just like those ads you see on almost every website you go to saying things like, “Doctors HATE her! Mom finds weight-loss secret they don’t want you to know about! CLICK HERE!” – except that it’s politics instead. Gee, thanks Mr. O’Reilly! You saved Christmas from those rascally liberal politically correct atheists once again!
Speaking of which, isn’t it about that time for that famous half-term governor (I refuse to use her actual name unless absolutely necessary) to be out promoting her newest book at Sam’s Club locations and bookstores situated near retirement communities around the country? Did you know that if you buy a copy of her latest book for each God-fearing conservative member of your family and make a donation to Sarah PAC, you can turn back the great evil plot by Muslims, gays and atheists to destroy the great celebration of Christ’s birth? Did you know that every time you pass up a chance to buy gold through Glenn Beck or Allen West’s newest snoozefest “Guardians of the Republic,” white baby Jesus cries and another young Christian boy finds a Richard Simmons exercise video? At least that’s the general vibe you get from listening to these clowns on Fox News and the various conservative/religious shows you run across flipping between channels.
But anyhow, back to the War On Christmas, already in progress. You see, there is a War On Christmas, but it isn’t from the left. In fact, there’s also a War On Thanksgiving, but we haven’t heard one damn peep from the religious right on that. For all of the complaining from conservative Christians who are parroting the Fox News talking points, you’d think there would be an outcry. So why hasn’t Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity addressed this attack on a Christian holiday? Because that doesn’t sell.
You’re not going to hear from Fox and other conservative outlets about Best Buy opening at 5pm on Thanksgiving, nor will you hear one peep about how we’re taking the “Thanks out of Thanksgiving.” You see, Thanksgiving isn’t much of a commercial holiday, unless you’re in the grocery business. That’s probably why it’s my favorite holiday, because there isn’t pressure to buy tons of crap for people you really don’t like and go into debt doing it. There’s a ton of food, we watch football and socialize with family members we don’t get to see on a regular basis. Leave politics and religion off the dinner table and it’s a good time – so long as Grandpa Norman doesn’t make the turkey, which ends up probably containing more injected Cajun marinade/cayenne pepper than meat.
The Christmas shopping season is the biggest one of the year, and it seems that each year, they’re putting out the merchandise and trees a little bit earlier. In fact, I was just at Target today buying stuff for my new apartment and they already have an entire section of Christmas stuff up, and we’re still two weeks away from Thanksgiving. And let’s not kid ourselves – many stores already had Christmas crap filling the aisles a month ago. Now, how often do you hear the religious right and Fox News complaining about that? Not the ones who are making a living peddling the notion that Muslims, gays and liberals are here to destroy the
Christian, heterosexual conservative American way of life. They’d have you believe that Christmas itself is threatened even though a Maryland school district recently refused to give Muslim students Eid al-Adha off, despite Christian and Jewish students getting religious holidays off. How did the folks at Fox handle it? Yup, this article with the following two paragraphs as an opener:
For some students in the suburbs of Washington, Christmas — or at least recognition of it on their school calendars — has been canceled.
The Montgomery County school board voted Tuesday to eliminate all references to religious holidays on school calendars, beginning in the 2015-16 school year. That includes Christmas and Easter, as well as Jewish holidays like Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. (Source)
What actually happened? Rather than give Muslim kids that one holiday off, they stripped references from the school calendar to all religious holidays but left the vacation days in place for Christians and Jews. Oy vey. Just remember kids, this is how it works. Pretend there’s a war on your religion while you use that as an excuse to be a general dick to everyone who isn’t of your religious beliefs, and if you’re like the folks over at Fox, you can also cash in. Sounds like a win-win situation for hypocrisy, doesn’t it?
However, not to worry. Our friends over at The Political Garbage Chute went to investigate how the War On Christmas is going, and it seems like Christmas is winning. James, take it away.
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