There are many ways to describe Donald Trump. From a bigot, to a racist to a raving lunatic with the temperament of a spoiled 13-year-old and the vocabulary of a 3rd grader, he’s easily the most ridiculous presidential candidate most of us have seen in our lifetimes.
Personally, I think the most fitting adjective for Trump is “cartoonish.”
If I were writing an adult-themed presidential cartoon character, Trump is pretty much who I’d create. He’s so incredibly absurd that I really can’t help but laugh at anyone who tells me they think he should be our next president. As I’ve stated numerous times before, you have to be a complete and total idiot to think Trump should occupy the White House. But you don’t have to believe me on that, just ask a growing list of members of his own party who have said they refuse to support him.
Well, in an attempt to have a little fun with how big of a joke Trump is, I though we could all play the game of: Who Said It? Donald Trump or The Onion.
This game is very simple. I’ll list a few quotes that either Trump actually said or The Onion made up in one of their satire articles about him, and everyone reading this needs to guess whether or not the quote is real or something ridiculous The Onion completely made up to mock him.
1. It’s freezing and snowing in New York, we need global warming!
2. The corrupt news media is constantly taking the things I say and putting them within the larger context of politics and global events — it’s absolutely sickening what they do!
3. I think Viagra is wonderful if you need it, if you have medical issues, if you’ve had surgery. I’ve just never needed it. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind if there were an anti-Viagra, something with the opposite effect. I’m not bragging. I’m just lucky. I don’t need it. I’ve always said, “If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.”
4. Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.
5. No one raises dairy cows as gigantic or successful as I do; everyone knows that. My cattle are winners, and you people would be lucky to have them graze here.
6. The other candidates, they went in, they didn’t know the air conditioning didn’t work. They sweated like dogs. How are they gonna beat ISIS? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.
7. We have nobody in Washington that sits back and said, you’re not going to raise that fu*king price. Listen you motherfu*kers we’re going to tax you 25 percent!
8. I’m rich and famous, and everyone wants to be me. That doesn’t make me a bully. That just makes me better than most people.
9. Last month, I was speaking with John Perkins, a good, hardworking fellow who runs his own grocery store in Waterloo, Iowa, and who, like so many others out there, is a pathetic, small-time loser without a single shred of my business skills. This bozo has no idea what he’s doing. In fact, he might be the worst grocery store owner in the entire state of Iowa. I could run a grocery store that’s 1,000 times better than this lightweight’s.
10. My campaign’s just barely begun and I’ve already got you begging for more. Sure, you can say you oppose me or that you don’t even take me seriously. But let me ask you: How many articles have you read about Ted Cruz lately? How many news segments have you watched on Bobby Jindal? Or Rand Paul? But if those stories have the name “Donald Trump” in them, well, look who suddenly can’t get enough.
Alright, think you know which are real and which were completely made up by The Onion? Well, time to find out.
1. Donald Trump
2. The Onion
3. Donald Trump
4. Donald Trump
5. The Onion
6. Donald Trump
7. Donald Trump
8. The Onion
9. The Onion
10. The Onion