Why I Really, Really Hope Michele Bachmann Runs in 2016

bachmann-palinFor a little while, it looked like perhaps Michele Bachmann had spoken to Jesus (also known as the voices in her head) and was ready to head off on a mission trip with Marcus and his luggage boy. Fortunately for political writers and comedians everywhere, Michele dropped a desperate plea for attention juicy hint earlier that she might just run for president again in 2016. Or maybe by “run for president” she actually meant “rock, squirrel, hey Jesus! I’m ascending into heaven!” One never knows with Michele Bachmann, which is half the fun. Unlike Herman Cain, Sarah Palin or Ron Paul who know that it’s all about talking points and cashing in on gullible voters who will buy their books, Michele actually seems to believe everything that comes out of her mouth.

Too bad Erin Nanasi decided to discontinue “The Bachmann Diaries.” the satirical ramblings of a half-crazed member of Congress who believed she would be the future queen and ruler of the fictional “Godlandia” and was in total denial of her husband’s ambiguously gay tendencies.

Don’t get excited just yet, but on the left, the thought of Michele Bachmann or one of her equally reality-challenged peers out on the campaign trail is pretty tantalizing – especially if you’re a political writer or comedian. From USA Today:

“Like with anything else, practice makes perfect,” she said. “And I think if a person has gone through the process — for instance, I had gone through 15 presidential debates — it’s easy to see a person’s improvement going through that.”

She also suggested her fundraising talents could prove to be an asset. Bachmann has been a Tea Party favorite and virtual fundraising juggernaut, drawing millions in individual contributions from across the country. She told Real Clear Politics that she is “one of the top — if not the top — fundraisers in the history of the United States Congress.”

“And it’s because people saw that I had an authentic voice, and I was fighting for them,” she said. “I wasn’t speaking to them like a politician. I was speaking like a real person who was fighting for what they believed in.” (Source)

What would happen if Michele Bachmann actually decided to run in 2016? For starters, it would be a huge gift to the Democrats, who could point to her as definitive proof that the Republican Party has a problem with religious zealots and nut jobs. And let’s face it, if the 2012 primaries were any indication of what we can expect in 2016, it’s going to be fun.

You see, the primaries and even the speculation leading up to them is where the non-contenders like Sarah Palin flip their hair, push their newest books at Sam’s Club and jockey for position in front of the TV cameras. None of them really have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning the nomination, and they wouldn’t know what to do with it even if for some bizarre reason it did happen.

Therein lies the beauty of the primaries, the absolutely batshit insane comments made in order to bring over the “true believers” – the members of the religious right who determine the early front runners in states like Iowa and South Carolina. Like rabid racehorses, they fly out of the gate with ridiculous claims like vaccines cause “mental retardation” or dire warnings that gay people want to prey on small children. That last statement is actually something a lot of religious conservatives will sometimes admit to believing as well, but Michele Bachmann will loudly proclaim it from the rooftops, with a shrill bullhorn, much to the chagrin of the party establishment.

I know that I’ve said in the past that we should ignore the grifters and carnival sideshow freaks like Bachmann, Palin and others. Yet, these are the proverbial albatrosses around the neck of the Republican Party – and a gift to everyone else. The GOP created this freak show by partnering with the religious right decades ago, but as time passed, the likes of Santorum and other radicals were tired of always being the bridesmaid, never the bride. And now, the Republican Party is desperately trying to close the Pandora’s Box that they opened.

Establishment Republicans and the religious right have little to nothing in common. The rich have counted on Bible Belt evangelicals and anti-abortion/anti-equality opponents to provide them votes in exchange for token legislation. In the past, they made it work but now it has all the makings of a bitter divorce – and I see no reason to intervene as a voice of reason. So long as the GOP continues to court the radical right, perhaps it’s only fair to keep reminding the American public of the party’s problem with crazy.


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  • Steve Temke

    I don’t believe the candidate has yet been born who can save the Republican party from this clown car full of fringe freaks that are considered “contenders” for their Presidential nomination.

    • lindylou

      Mitt Romney is thinking about his run (purchase).

    • hello

      The cream of the crop is still Romney and that’s great news for the Dems. Still if he declines to run the ensuing national embarrassment called the Republican primary will set them back another decade or more.

  • paulmurrey

    From Michael Swift, Gay Community News, 2/15/87

    “We shall sodomize your sons,
    emblems of your feeble masculinity,
    of your shallow dreams and vulgar lives.
    We shall seduce him in your schools,
    in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums,
    in your locker rooms, sports arenas,
    seminiaries, truck stops, male clubs,
    and in your Houses of Congress.
    Wherever men are with men together,
    your sons shall become our minions
    and do our bidding.

    They will be re-cast in OUR image.
    They will come to crave and adore us.
    All laws banning homosexuality will be revoked.
    If you dare cry “homo”, “fairy”, or “queer” at us,
    we will stab you in your cowardly hearts.
    All churches who condemn us will be closed.
    Our only gods are handsome young men.
    We shall be victorious because we are
    fueled with the ferocious
    bitterness of the oppressed.
    We too, are capable of firing guns
    and manning the barricades
    of ultimate revolution.”

    • Jim Flindt

      You quote some Nut…From 27 YEARS AGO?…Get with the program *FRIEND*..You are SORELY out of Touch. And BTW, My Gay Friends Embrace the term Fairy and Queer…Or Didn’t you get the Memo?

    • Melanie Collins Pennock

      ????? Come to the 21st Century…..we are having a ball here!

    • 2Smart2bGOP

      So you’ve proved that there are nutcases on both sides; big deal. This “manifesto” is every bit as insane as is the idea that one can be “cured” of homosexuality. Gay or straight or bisexual, it is what a person IS, not what one CHOOSES. This is just nonsense; I have known lots of homosexuals in my life, and not a single one of them ever tried to convert me. However, I have lost count of the “Christians” who have tried to make me believe what they do.

      • Vivian Sue House Hughes

        So true, I don’t get it. So much killing because religions try to force it on others, when most, if not all, religions say you shouldn’t go around killing others. But religions still considered to be so moral. I just don’t get it.

      • 2Smart2bGOP

        ALL religions, (including the Muslim sects) advocate for peace. It’s the zealots and extremists who pervert religion into an excuse for violence. I believe that God created Man, or at least the divine spark that eventually became Man. Then Man created God in Man’s own image, and Man created the Bible and religion to keep his fellow man frightened and easily manipulated.

      • Lencho of the Apes

        It’s a PARODY of the things conservatives say about homosexuals. Satire.

    • Snarky Daemon O’Mockery

      Hail Eris!

      If you can’t recognise when someone is ripping the piss out of right-wing, homophobic paranoia, well, the rest of us can tell when someone on the right wing is being a paranoid homophobe.

      Snarky
      “I… I believe in love.”

    • usorthem3

      2 chronicles 15 13 All people, young and old, male and female who REFUSE to dedicate their life to the Lord God of Israel were to be put to death.

  • Melanie Collins Pennock

    I would love to see Bachman run, she wouldn’t win but make great comedy for people like Jon Stewart and Bill Mahr!

  • Francine Anoia Price

    Bachmann and Palin–double the laughter

  • dan9el

    Tea Party members, let’s get to work!

    The sold-out GOP did block Sarah Palin and Michele Bachman on the 2012 presidential running,…they put ahead a flimsy candidate (Romney) to help the so called ‘re-election’ for the so called ‘president’ Barack Obama…to win , so he took another term, and now everything is going at full throttle in the attempt to wipe-out this country; and convert it into another banana republic……actually we are almost there,….are we not?

    Certainly they will try – even more hard – to block Bachman and Palin and very probably will try again and during the process will try to push and force to the American electorate…Jeb Bush, or Rand Paul,…or, perhaps Christy , or Jindal….or Ted Cruz, or Marco Rubio, or anyone from the so called ‘centric’ / sold-out, RINO-type republicans,…. the galaxy knows….and anyone of them will make a dent to the liberal(libertine)-DNC possible candidate …which could be Hillary Clinton (so far the ‘star’) , or John Kerry, or Susan Rice , or Elizabeth Warren , or Schumer…or Jarrett…..any of those …..take a pick.

    We need someone with not just a message,but someone with a real serious plan,with robust structure,straight,clear and simple.

    Question – WHO IS/ARE AT HELM OF OUR NATION? NOW?

    Answer;- A GROUP OF BANDOLEROS,…A BAND OF GREEDY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SATISFACTION ON SELFISH INTERESTS,,…

    AN ORGANIZATION CHICAGO MAFIA-STYLE LOADED WITH CORRUPTED POLITICAL ATMOSPHERE FORM WHERE OBAMA AND OTHERS COMES FROM,…

    A CONGLOMERATE OF INDIVIDUALS TERRORISTS FRIENDLY-ORIENTED WITH AGENDA OF DESTRUCTION FOR OUR COUNTRY,…

    A PACK OF PEOPLE WITHOUT LOYALTY TO THIS NATION MOVED BY DYNAMICS WITH ANTI-CONSTITUTIONAL BASIS,…
    A COVENANT OF ANTI-AMERICANS, ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE, ENEMIES OF THE STATE AND SO very much IN TREASON,…

    AN ELITE OF DESTRUCTION FOR OUR AMERICAN SYSTEM…THEY ARE THE A GROUP THAT CAN BE KNOWN AS ‘THE PRESIDENTIAL CONSORTIOUM’

    Care for some names?…very well, I will give you some of them…;SOROS, PODESTA,STERN,JARRETT,AXELROD,SCHUMMER,VAN JONES,EMMANUEL,REZKO,KERRY,MADOFF, BUFFETT,…some apparently are out of action,… but they are very well working ‘under the radar scope’

    Are they acting like patriots or like traitors?….what their record shows?

    Here is the thing; Palin and Bachmann are true-core authentic americans patriots,…so ,same question,,… what their record shows?

    Want a good candidates?….someone who really represent any Jane and Joe out here in the american public?…very well, here is an idea;

    New presidential campaign ad for 2016 will have liberal heads exploding. (just instead 0f 2012, think 2016)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc35H5D0TTU

    PALIN-BACHMANN PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE 2016… a heck of a power on the side of the people…isn’t it?

    A POWERFUL DUETO where EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE, LEGAL AND CONSTITUTIONAL KNOWLEDGE, VISION, DISCIPLINE, INTEGRITY, HONESTY AND TRUE REAL AMERICAN PATRIOTISM ARE TRADEMAKRS.

    Much more could be added….but let’s stop at this point.

    Our great country needs – deserves – much better leaders now, quite opposite than the current ones at helm.

    Input anyone? Opinions welcome,