Why I Really, Really Hope Sarah Palin Runs in 2016

Palin-Face-e1386408032974Let’s be honest, Sarah Palin is the gift that just keeps on giving. Any time she throws herself into the middle of some sort of scandal and makes some bizarre comment to keep her book sales going, it’s like Santa Claus came to town if you’re a political writer or pundit. Palin is nothing short of a gold mine, regardless of your political affiliation. Why? Because every time she opens her mouth and says something outrageous or just plain stupid, people come out of the woodwork to either mock her or support whatever dumb idea she just had.

Caribou Barbie (as I like to call her) isn’t stupid. Making yourself the darling of the Tea Party after being a failed VP nominee and only serving 2 years as governor isn’t dumb – it takes a certain amount of strategic savvy. Getting hundreds of people to show up at a Minnesota mall, a Wal-Mart in Texas or a Barnes and Noble in The Villages, Florida to buy your latest book isn’t a sign of stupidity. It actually shows enough sense to know where you can constantly tap into xenophobia and ignorance and convert it into cash any time you need it. Even Fox News and Roger Ailes know that whenever they need a ratings bump, all they have to do is get her to come on and say something to get liberals all riled up while their ever-aging audience eats it up with a spoon.

Again, Sarah isn’t stupid. I wouldn’t say she’s a candidate for Mensa but then again, liberals need to stop referring to her as dumb because she’s anything but. I know showing up with a Big Gulp at a Republican conference or insisting that Obamacare is the modern version of sending your relatives off to die on an iceberg seems ludicrous, but it absolutely sells to the people who follow her. So why do I want her to run so badly? It’s simple. As I stated earlier, every time Sarah says something stupid, a political or comedy writer gets paid. There’s an entire industry out there that makes money whenever she or Ted Cruz or any of the others say something outrageous.

Trust me, the Republican Party has been a treasure trove over the last few years. I don’t see her making any serious move for running, even though my crazy Tea Party ex in-laws would be thrilled if she did. At the most, she’ll make a teasing tour of Iowa just to get the Tea Party faithful all fired up and their wallets open. It’ll be a few stops at a couple of gun ranges, several 7-Elevens, and all eight Sam’s Club locations to sign copies of her newest book. Then it’ll be back off to Fox News to complain about how the liberal media (that’s us!) were so harsh to her and how she needs to get back to family life.

But pretty please with a moose on top, Sarah will you please run? Or at least pretend to? How about just saying that you’re exploring your options? I know you know how to still do that wink and a hair flip. I’m sure you know how to say “you betcha” and give those old Tea Party patriots a sensation in their pantaloons they haven’t experienced since the last time you visited The Villages to sell another book. Come on Sarah, just once more. For old times sake?


Facebook comments

  • Pipercat

    I’m partial to Sarahbou, actually…

  • sherry06053

    I don’t know if I could keep a straight face or not, but I’m on new blood pressure meds, so bring it on!

  • Warner

    Let us not pretend she wrote those books. it is no secret she pays ghost writers to do all the work. she is too busy with the plastic surgery and trying to make her daughters reality tv celebrities to write a book.

    • Sapphire Possible

      Gasp!! She’s had plastic surgery?

  • poppaDavid

    Palin-Cruz sounds pretty good ticket for the Republicans in 2014. Of course Ryan-Paul might be sufficient.

    Should give the Dem’s the House and Senate as well.

    • Sapphire Possible

      …and form a 3 ring circus act….just like the last election season.

  • Randy Hanson

    No she is stupid,like the people who support her.

  • MaryJane Rissberger

    The thought of suffering through another campaign listening to her demonstration of the educational inadequacies in this country is more than I can bear. She gives women, Americans, and human beings a bad name and she makes me sick to my stomach. Who would be her running mate?…..not that it matters, with Sarah Palin on any ticket it would be a losing ticket not because she’s a woman but because she’s an incompetent idiot.

  • Barry Roope

    The author gives too much credit to Palin, she is not smart, her followers are Stupid, she is trying to extort as much money from her rabid idiot followers as she possibly can, this is not a smart business women, she is a failure, on every level, and is probably one of the most despised people in America, her War on Christmas book was a failure, her Governorship was a failure, her TV show failed, not to mention she is politically stupid, and devoid of any original thought, she did not even know South Africa was a Country, her future consists of repeating the same old Obama is the Devil crap, she is like a crack addict, digging though the carpet for one more piece, she is just licking up crumbs, that Fox news might throw to her. If being a lying sack of shit is a sign of success, I would rather have honor and respect, than a quick buck off of stupid teabaggers. Any thought of her running for President is a joke, running for President is work, and Palin is incapable of work. No, she will be a Fox bomb thrower, as long as they will have her. She has no future other than being a lying sack of shit.

    • James

      I actually have to agree with the author. She’s the poster child for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She tells grandiose stories about herself, elevates certain people to a special tier of status, she then elevates herself up to that tier without actually being on it. She’s capable of knowing her demographic strategically, and lacks empathy. This is all because she cannot face and fathom reality, and her common sense and critical thinking take a back seat to trying to uphold the image she has for herself and her inability to accept most people don’t share that image of her.

  • Michael Case

    There can be no doubt. Sarah Palin has grifting down to a science. And no one, with the possible exception of Glenn Beck, does it better.

  • Kenneth Cowles

    Pour country is not ready to be run by a mentally Handicapped person just yet.

  • Angela Walker

    I’m stuck between thinking she’s pretty smart/savvy and thinking she simply has a great crew of super savvy marketing geniuses who saw a good thing and hitched their wagons to Caribarbie.
    Granted, she has one hell of a talent for being just what the doctor ordered when it comes to pissing off (some) progressives and appealing to the dimmer of our fellow citizens, but smart? The doctor’s still out on that one.

  • Edward Krebbs

    The article’s question is more a question of the difference between being smart and being conniving.

  • FD Brian

    When she hits rock bottom and makes a Porno I’ll be there.

  • Sapphire Possible

    This too shall pass….and like all forms of superficial entertainment, the material will become stale, and the ratings will dry up…so will the $$.

  • Andy

    Here’s why I hope she runs: her chance of winning is dwarfed by that of when she ran with McCain. Everybody freaked out at the idea of her being VP; can you imagine how many people don’t like the idea of her being president?

  • Melanie Collins Pennock

    Right on, Manny!!! Comedians need the material, and I need to be entertained, while throwing pillows at the TV!! Let the fun begin!